Is it a fact or a myth that paying child support increases non custodial parent involvement?
I have read about 38 child support enforcement mission statements. Each of these statements claim that research has shown that paying child support increases non-custodial parent involvment. I have searched for any kind of research that specifically indicates that the act of paying child support increases non-custodial parent involvement and so far I have yet to find any research study that indicates a direct correlation between child support and active parental involvment. Most research articles that indicate this theory end up discussing failure to pay child support.
I don't think wanting to spend time with your child has anything to do with paying or not paying. If you are a crummy parent you aren't going to magically change just because you are being made to pay child support. If anything a crummy parent will resent the loss of wages, blaming the child and/or custodial parent for their lack of funds causing them to want even less to do with that child.
If you are a good parent & things just didn't work out between you and the other parent, you're going to want to spend time with your child & you're going to want to make sure that child is supported. A good parent knows the importance of paying child support and is willing to do so. He (or she) will not hold this against the child or the other parent.
I have a male friend who pays child support & the mother of his child refuses to let him see the child.
I have a female friend who's ex has relentlessly taken her to court time and time again to get his child support duties reduced and/or eliminated because he doesn't feel he should have to help raise the children he helped create.
I myself have children from different men, 2 of which pay child support willingly & are very involved in their children's lives.
I have a male friend who was never ordered to pay child support but still sees his children on a regular basis.
It all depends on the people involved - not the money.
I agree with Mom Kat - whether payment is forthcoming or not once parents have parted it depends on the individuals as to whether they will continue to be part of their children's lives - sad but true. All that can be hoped for in a separation is that the parties involved will be adult enough to put the needs of their children before their own pain and anguish, and keep their children out of any revenge or hurt strategies. Which ever way you look at it, children are expensive to raise. If you love them they MUST come first
Paying child support is normally mandated...an order by the courts, within a separation agreement or divorce decree. It's something a parent MUST do, to be in compliance with the Court order. Like it or not. Comply or accept the ramifications......which of course, go well beyond what the law may do.
Being an active, involved and responsible parent is a totally separate issue. This is a personal choice....a decision made by the non-custodial parent.
Having said this, in terms of the "mission statements," you have read which claim that "paying child support INCREASES non-custodial parent involvement..........I'd be willing to BET my years of marriage counseling.....that the custodial parent is the silent culprit here. "You don't pay support....you don't see the children." This goes on all the time, everywhere.....between otherwise reasonable, loving parents. The poor children....the PAWN syndrome.
Bottom line? Child support aside (and certainly not because it is unimportant) Parents, your children love both of their parents. It is not only their sincere wish to spend time with both, it is, in MOST cases, imperative to their development and well-being, that they do have regular interaction with Mom AND Dad. Period.
Solve your payment/money issues anyway you can. if you are "allowing" or not allowing visitation based upon the flow of child support......try to remember how precious your children are. If you are VISITING your children because you feel you have a RIGHT TO GET YOUR MONEY'S WORTH.....try to remember your children, are worthy of your time and attention regardless of the COST to you.
The FACT is, these are your children, the single most precious gift you'll ever get. The MYTH is, that your children will be "just fine" without you in their lives.
NO..MY FATHER H AD TO WORK 2 JOBS TO SUPPORT ME. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT A FATHER .DO YOU THINK THE ODD TO SEE THEIR CHILDREN WOULD BE HARDER.???????????????? TELL ME WHERE IS THE JUSTICE HERE FOR A REAL GOOD FATHER..." BECAUSE THEY ARE REALLY BAD, HORRIBLE MOTHER OUT THERE. AND THIS IS REALLY BAD SYSTEM. you must have good brother and father and son. IMAGINE YOUR SON IS THE WRONG NO MATTER BECAUSE WOMEN LIKE ME ARE PROTECTED BY LAW..WE ARE ALWAYS THE VICTIM AND IN THE FUTURE THIS IS GOING TO BE ANOTHER WELFARE SYSTEM..
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