How should Non-Payment of child support be handled?

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   milleramanda53posted 12 years ago

   How should Non-Payment of child support be handled?

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   JThomp42posted 12 years ago

   Totally let the courts handle it. They frown on dead beat parents so they will get them eventually.

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   wendi_wposted 12 years ago

   Your state agency has the most power to deal with the situation but child support will not actively pursue it either. I spent hours and hours a day investigating my ex and prodding for action from our state in order to get action on the case. Eight years later I was awarded the $40,000 in arrears he owed me and given support for enforcement but it was not as simple as just allowing them to take care of the situation. The squeaky wheel get oiled became my motto.

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   jenniferlynn78posted 12 years ago

   A lawyer or the courts can do it for you!  They have a waiver in the court house for low income people to aid the process faster.  Also, you can do it yourself as it's quicker and cheaper.  The judge will aid you faster and also make the noncostodial parent search for work if unemployed or make them look for a higher pay job or another job on top of the other job.  It's not easy, I know I am going through it now as my ex pays only $56 a week for our four children. I am personally going through the courts as they can verify work searches and also take away a drivers license and have the noncostodial parent in jail with fines on top of that!  I hear you on this because it's very hard especially with the economical factors.

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   Lisa HWposted 12 years ago

   I think it should depend on the individual's circumstances.  There are circumstances that are often created by the court that put the non-custodial parent at a severe disadvantage, and there can be circumstances beyond a person's control too.   A love parent who is separated from the child/children he loves is already at a severe disadvantage because he's dealing with a grief that may last forever, and that he has to push aside and find a way to live with.  It may be better if the non-custodial is certain that is children are absolutely fine and happy being separated from him, but most kids love both parents equally; so part of the grief a non-custodial parent can have is knowing is kids are feeling the grief/loss of being separated from him.  Also, courts aren't particularly known for making sure the most loving or "best" parent gets custody.  They're known for what makes sense and/or maintaining as much normalcy as possibly for the children.
   
   A good parent will be sickened by the fact that s/he isn't able to financially contribute to his/her own child/children's well-being - and that's one more thing to feel grief about.  It may not help that the non-custodial parent isn't likely to want to be open about the grief, because it can be human nature to have pride and not let one's "opponent" know that s/he has managed to hurt him and cause such grief by winning custody.
   
   A big problem is the courts' pretense of "only caring about the children" because when children have two loving parents, and the court steps in and ties the hands of one of them; that's no "caring about the children" or about trying to minimize the sense of a "broken" family (as oppose to just a separated one).  So, I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all approach to handling the difficult situation of the non-custodial parent's inability to pay support; and I really don't think there should ever be the automatic assumption that it is his unwillingness to support his children.  There needs to be better protection of the rights and means to work of non-custodial parents.   That's not saying there aren't "genuine deadbeat dads out there, but I think, much of the time, it's often more a case of beaten up dads.  So, I think sorting out which fathers, exactly, a "genuine deadbeats" and which are, instead, "beaten up" (and physically, mentally and/or emotionally exhausted) fathers is the first thing the court system,and anyone else involved, ought to try to do.  It's not just a parent's responsibility to support his child, it's his right.  Protecting the rights of non-custodial parents by dumping the thinking that if someone doesn't live with the child he shouldn't get even temporary assistance might be one thing.  Laws prohibiting courts from "kicking to the curb" non-custodial parents would make a big difference too.
   
   So, I'd say first figure out if the non-paying father is really a "demon" at all.  If he really is, then how to handle it is obvious.  If he isn't, then maybe having a few people (including the legal system) try to figure out what they can do to help in get out of whatever money hole he's in (rather than demonizing him) would be a good start.

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      Lisa HWposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Note:  I spotted at least one typo that I can't fix:  The fourth line should read "a loving parent" - not "love parent".

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      milleramanda53posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you, In my case I try to help my ex out and be the bigger person and have even went to the lengths of even asking the judge to go easy on him by letting him walk the last time when he was only 1200.00 behind and now he owes over 5000.00.

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