Why is it always the man who is called a deadbeat dad? Never the woman?

1. 74

   mypleasurefantasyposted 11 years ago

   Why is it always the man who is called a deadbeat dad? Never the woman?
   
   Has our society grown to blame every parent disaster on the father? Example, why are men deadbeats and not women? I don't think I can ever remember hearing a woman called that.
   
   Also why does the non custodial parent (usually the father) have to pay more towards support than the mother? Example the NCP is responsible for 70% and the custodial for the other 30%. Can anyone explain how that's fair?

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2. 69

   multiculturalsoulposted 11 years ago

   I suppose history is the reason. The dad is the parent most likely to leave throughout history.
   
   I know a few deadbeat moms who have mentally and spiritually "checked out" but still have custody of their children in their own homes ... while the allegedly "deadbeat dads" do everything they can for the kids they get to "pay for" but rarely get to see.
   
   I'm not sure how to change this, and our constipated court system isn't going to change overnight. Of course, if EVERY man stepped up and took responsibility for his kids, the deadbeat label would vanish overnight.

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      mypleasurefantasyposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I don't believe that would be true actually. Even if every father stepped up, and most do, they still get raped by the corrupt system. Child support is take care of the child, not the state. Then heaven forbid the custodial parent is on assistance.

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   BLACKANDGOLDJACKposted 11 years ago

   I totally agree with you. The "system" is very much prejudiced against the father. I've been on both sides, having paid child support for years and then in the last several years having received child support from my teenage daughter's mother. I've been to numerous child support hearing and never did I hear anybody talk about the best interests of the child or how the money was to be used for the child. All I ever heard about was "the formula." The domestic relations office in the county where I live is the most pathetic government bureaucracy I have ever encountered.

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4. 73

   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   In the modern era alimony and child support is based upon income not gender. I believe Janet Jackson gave her second husband $6 million and Madonna gave something similar to her ex Guy Ritchie in their divorce settlement.
   The whole notion of providing your ex and children with the life they've become "accustom to" was to protect a person who may have been a stay at home spouse. Maybe they were out of the workforce for 20+ years. The law did not think it was fair for them to have sacraficed education/career for so many years to have to start at the bottom again. However it's common to see courts award someone with an outrageous monthly sum for child support. I've heard of rich people having to pay $50k or more (per month) for child support alone. We know for a fact it doesn't take that much money to feed, clothe, educate, and provide shelter for a child each month. This has led to people getting iron clad pre-nup agreements.
   For the most part the only women that care about the injustice towards men in this area are those who become involved with a man facing this situation.I knew of one couple that lived together for 7 years and put off getting married until the man's last child reached age 18 because his ex was the type of woman that would have gone to court to ask for more money once he had a new spouse with additional income, The second wife usually does not want to support the first wife's lifestyle. :-)
   The term deadbeat actually applies to anyone who does not pay their debts. It's not soley applied to a specific gender or child support issues.

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      mypleasurefantasyposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Okay I can see your point. However you only spoke of the rich not the working middle or lower class. I've seen mothers who work make more than their father and pay 268/month in child support. Now men pay 600-1200 a month for one kid. Why?

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   2. 73

      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      mypleasurefantasy, Every situation is different just as every state, county or judge is different. Sometimes the person with the best lawyer gets the best deal! I mentioned rich women because most people know of them. There has been some progress!

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5. 68

   safiq ali patelposted 11 years ago

   Now I don't want to appear dumb. What is a deadbeat?

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      mypleasurefantasyposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      A person who runs from their responsibilities. It's normally associated with child support or family court.

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      safiq ali patelposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for telling me. I have heard the term a couple of times but wondered what it really meant.

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6. 60

   SunilKalsiposted 11 years ago

   I tried calling my mum a deadbeat dad once but it just confused her. But seriously, the figures you point out aren't fair.
   
   Perhaps once of the reasons men pay more child support is that, on average; men are paid more than women. Another reason might be that the woman had to carry the child for 9 months and had to give birth to it and the man just smoked cigars.

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7. 0

   Justsilvieposted 11 years ago

   It is not fair! And I hate the deadbeat dad title too. Many men are totally wiped out especially financially by divorce and often, the women can be very unreasonable. But I think often when someone is called a deadbeat dad, it is not just because of financial reasons, parents who do not pay their obligatory child support often also don’t take part in their children’s life. However I have seen a number of instances where they refuse to pay, because their ex keeps them from seeing the children and after numerous legal attempts to get their rights, which are rarely enforced, they just give up and also stop paying. It is a wrong tactic, but I can understand the frustration.
   
   I see my son struggling to raise his children.  They separated but are not yet divorced and she does not even bother to pay the 68 a week child support for their three children in the separation agreement, saying she cannot afford it, but her lifestyle says otherwise.  He on the other hand has to pay three times as much for one child from a prior relationship. The amount she should pay is not going to make a major contribution to their livelihood, but paying it shows a commitment to their children.
   
   The rules more or less still cater to the old stay at home mom scenario, which often is not the case and since more and more fathers are becoming the custodial parents, time for females to remember gender equality also means financially paying up.

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