Tell them what's on your mind or wait until you calm down to let them know how you feel?
When you get upset with a person do you go ahead and tell them what's on your mind or do you wait until you have calmed down to express how you feel?
Unfortunately, I have a bad temper and say things that I regret later. Even if it is justified I still feel guilty. I am praying that God will help me with this fault in my character.
I completely understand. I think my delivery could be better a lot of times when I say certain things such as there may be a way to say it. I pray for help with calming down before I speak also. Thanks for the comment
I wait until I have calmed down to discuss it that way I can make sense and not just spew a bunch of anger. But I don't really have a hot temper, I am slow to anger.
I believe it's possible to articulate why you are upset with someone without exploding. What determines whether or not I address an issue at the moment depends on (where) we are or who may be with us.
Sometimes people want to "go off" on a person for (ego) reasons to show the other person how "tough or strong" they can be. Very often this puts the other person on the defensive and may cause them to fight fire with fire. It's important to figure out your "outcome goal" before you speak. Are you looking to be understood or you seeking to "punish" or "teach them a lesson". There is an old quote that states:
"Anger is the mask that Hurt wears"
Most of the time if someone loves you they will not "intentionally" seek ways to hurt you. Odds are if you let them know they hurt you by doing whatever they'll offer a sincere apology. Yelling and screaming rarely leads to a (sincere) apology or understanding.
It depends how angry or upset I am. If I am just slightly upset, i.e. the judgement is not clouded, then I tell the right away. If furious, then, I'll wait to calm down and talk to that person. I also write down how I feel and why. Afterwards the person will hear the thoughts and explanations written on paper; as well as from person who is reasonable.
I try hard to find a calm place to think things over and look at all sides of the issue. I have had to learn balance. I have gotten at times way too compliant and calm about things that I should have yelled, screamed about, and just spoken up. There has to a balance, make sure that you don't remain silence in your fear of making an outburst. But I guess that is part of the whole balance thing.
It depends on who I'm talking to. I've had times where I wished I would have thought things through and calmed down before speaking my mind. But I've had other times where I wished I would have spoken up sooner and truly expressed how I was feeling at that given time to get my point across better. Every situation calls for different action.
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