Desperately need advice .I messed up my relationship of 8.5years with a loving g

1. 49

   Xoxo77posted 9 years ago

   Desperately need advice .I messed up my relationship of 8.5years with a loving guy.im 26, he's 27now
   
   Our parents have bad marriages.his parents got divorced recently after 14yrs of horrible arguments.
   my dad had several affairs.
   We had a beautiful relationship.he was dedicated to me.All was well until my parents started pressurising me to get married 4yrs ago.im from India where its expected to marry early.Coz of this,I unknowingly pressurized him constantly which led to arguments n short breakups.though the relationship was fine otherwise.He said he's confused about marriage n scared it won't work. Im not financially independent which scares him more.i ended it now but want him back.love him

   replyreport
2. 68

   sarahmooseposted 9 years ago

   I think maybe you should talk to him. Explain that your parents were putting on the pressure, and that you unwittingly passed that pressure onto him. It is understandable that he would feel wary of marriage, especially as his parents have only recently divorced. I would also have a word with your parents, and tell them that you don't need them hassling you into marriage, and you would like to take things at your own pace. I understand that it may be their cultural background to marry young, but they should respect your wishes. Good luck x

   replyreport
3. 86

   dashingscorpioposted 9 years ago

   You stated: "All was well until my parents started pressuring me to get married 4yrs ago."
   What has changed? Do you still have the same parents? Do they still want you to get married? Do you still desire to please your parents? Do (you) want to get married?
   Your 8.5 years is not as significant as (you) may think. Essentially you were (teenagers) when you got together. Odds are neither of you had much dating experience. The truth is most people don't end up married to someone they met during their teenage years. If your ex thought you were "the one" he would have married you. Not because of any pressure but because (he) wanted to!
   I'm willing to bet that before he dies he (is) going to get married. It just won't be to you! You should ask yourself the following question:
   Why do I want to marry someone who does not want to marry me?
   I recently wrote a hub on this topic which should give you some food for thought. Best of luck!
   http://dashingscorpio.hubpages.com/hub/ … Commitment

   replyreport
4. 68

   lupineposted 9 years ago

   Just because your parents, and his, had bad marriages, doesn't mean your marriage will be the same. Of course, it can be frightening to see parents going through this. He may be scared to commit to marriage and can't be pressured into it, and neither can you. It is a decision the two of you have to decide. Kindly tell your parents you will both decide when and if you will marry. Also, that they are putting too much pressure on you, and may cause you to lose your relationship with a guy you love. You will have to talk with your boyfriend...let him know the two of you will decide what is best for the both of you. Find out, does he plan to marry you in the near future? If he has no plans to marry you and won't commit, then 8.5 years with him is long enough.

   replyreport
   1. 86

      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Some would say being in a loving monogamous relationship for 8.5 years IS a commitment! Kim Kardashian and Chris Humpries were married for just 72 days. Commitment is not a ring. It's how a couple conducts their lives. Behavior is the key.

      replyreport