Why sometimes the best Boy / Girl friend become worst Husband / Wife?
It is often noticed that a passionately in love couple ends up fighting with each other after marriage. Is the formula of a successful marriage different from a successful love affair?
I believe there is a major difference between dating and living together or being married. When a couple is dating they're still trying to make the most of their time together when they visit one another. This includes going out to dinners, movies, taking walks, making plans for upcoming events, and having passionate sex before having to sadly say good-bye.
However when couples live together or get married they tend to fall into a rut. More time together tends to lead to discovering (more differences) in each other. Both people believe they are "right" as to how things should be handled. Some people have a difficult time adjusting to sharing space. The more we have of anything the less valuable it becomes. A 20 year old does not place the same value on (time) in a life as someone who is in their 70s or 80s. Abundance of time together has a way of changing one's attitude towards their mate.
The couple never sat down to discuss what they expected from marriage. They did not create a "plan". They made an (assumption) that they wanted and expected the same things. When they were single their finances were separate and each person could spend his or her money anyway they chose. A marriage between a spender and a saver could lead to fights.
When there are major disagreements there is no getting in your car and driving back to your place. You have to try and resolve issues. Some people never adjust to being locked into a situation where leaving is a difficult option. When someone is unhappy they tend to take it out on the person who is closest to them.
People can't help but reveal their "authentic selves" when you live with them. It's seeing someone at their worst that will determine whether or not you can deal with them long-term. Rarely does one see the worst of someone while simply dating.
I think the reason for this is simple, when we first fall in love everything seems great! We don't see what is truly there. It is the blindness of love. But as time moves forward we start to realize that that " perfect mate" isn't so perfect.
When we are alone we desperately seek someone to love is. We look to others for the fulfillment we are lacking and so we blind ourselves to warning signs and some times danger. There is a huge difference between love and a relationship. Love is a feeling and it comes without trying, a relationship has to be fashioned and worked on constantly. When we become compliant and "just roll with it", that is when it all falls apart. When we get so involved in our own lives, i.e. work and family, sometimes we leave out the other person's thoughts and feelings. We almost become selfish. When that happens, problems start to mount. And before you know it, you are crying and asking why things got so bad.
Interesting question I knew a couple who had married young and had a good marriage until around their sixteenth year of marriage. Lots ha changed and th thing is they shared great times together, have two grown ups, a son and a daughter and their marriage just changed with constant fights, arguments and this wouldn't stop until the man drew away from this marriage. She changed and didn't even bother to talk their issues out instead they fought till one of them could no longer cope with the problem. She became the worst wife, he couldn't have a pleasant conversation off-course they divorced. The main problem came about once she was an independent person , she wanted the good life, and started telling lies to him finances became an issue, understanding changed, she wasn't he kind of wife or woman he once knew they grew apart using their differences as an excuse.
Thanks DDE. It is a good example. Why do you think it all happened ?
I think it all happened once she gained her independence and felt she could go about whenever she liked and did not want to be a wife, and a good mother, shew anted her freedom.
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