my marriage is taking a turn for the worst my husband has treatede me so badly i have no desire for
he has totally isolated me from my familyand friends my life revolves around him he is verbally abusive i find myself feeling like i'm noe in love with him anymore but for some reason he act as if he can't live without me i'm ready to move forward and get a divorce
If you do not have kids...
Tell him directly, with a friend there if you feel he may blow up at you instead of really listen, how you're feeling. If you want it to work it out and stay in the relationship, tell him. And then say, without making it sound as though it's an ultimatum, if things don't change, then you have to leave. He's probably not all that happy if you're not happy, so it's for the best.
If you DO have kids...
Tell him how you feel and why, but make sure he really listens. Don't get emotional. If it turns into a screaming match, then just stop and put it into a letter.
Insist on going to marriage counseling. If he refuses, then you need to think long and hard about the environment you want your kids raised in. It's best that they have two involved parents. Do whatever you can to work things out between the two of you.
If it gets worse, then contact a lawyer, have a letter drafted up, include the amount of child support he'll have to pay, and see if he changes. No change, then the two of you have made a mistake and your children's life will likely become yet another part of divorce hell.
Hopefully your children (if any) won't be forced to deal with you and/or your husband's immaturity. Sorry to be blunt, but ultimately that's what it comes down to, doesn't it?
Are you falling out of love because he is not the man you married? Has he changed into this monster since you've been married...or was he always like this but you overlooked it because you were in love? Oftentimes the beginning of a relationship seems so good and right because we need it to be, try to do everything right, so that the other person loves us too. Oftentimes we overlook the little annoyances or habits because we are so in love...but after the initial attraction wears off those traits really start getting on our nerves...resentment builds because now we are hating those annoyances and it affects the way we feel. This is conditional love...not the unconditional love that great relationships are built upon. If you feel that this is the case then maybe the problem is yours not your husband's. If this isn't the case you will want to determine the reason for his change in behavior...get him to the doctor for a physical to rule out any illness that may be brewing. Tell him how much you love him and that you are concerned about your relationship. Ask him to see a counselor or your pastor with you. If after you have tried everything and he won't change or you determine that you just aren't in love anymore then maybe you would then consider a divorce. Best wishes!
I have to disagree with Caz Zee. Verbal abuse is abuse and no one deserves to be abused in ANY way. Yes, I do believe you should pray, but I do not think you should sit back and do nothing to help yourself. Even God doesn't expect you to not help yourself, but that is besides the point. If you feel you are being abused the best thing to do is seek help from a battered women's shelter, hotline, etc. Then, get an adult you trust (as the first commenter said) and confront him in a very firm, but civil manner. Chances are he may not like what he hears and you may, for your safety, need to stay with someone (again shelters are available). To me it sounds like the classic cycle of abuse: abuse, honeymoon (can't live without you), abuse. I've been there. The safest thing to do is get out. I hope whatever you decide, that it works out for you and that you are safe and happy.
I had the same kind of husband. I was called names, had no support and my self esteem went to nothing. I tried to go to marriage therapy with him, but when he got there he would admit to wrongs (so would I) but not use the tools they gave us in the future. I tried so hard because we had children together and I wanted my marriage to work.
After 8 long years I had enough. I packed up me and the kids and moved in with one of my friends. i filed for a divorce and he came C..r...a...w.l...i...n...g back. Sure, I tried again with baby steps. I never moved in with him though. Good thing because whenever he didn't get his way the names started to fly. He started to see that I was serious and started to repect me...a little. We can work together and share custody of the kids. We are no longer married but everyone is happier, including the kids.
No one can tell you what to do. You have one life to live. You need to decide how you want your life to be and run with it. It is scary, but your happiness is what matters.
Where are you at the moment in your relationship? Did you manage to break through?
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