What are the most important things to do to ensure a marriage works out?
With staggering divorce rates, how can you create and help foster a healthy marriage in todays society?
Put time for each other FIRST above all other friendships and relationships (including family members), never keep secrets from each other, if you must fight, then make sure your fights are never about money or children, never hit one another, never go to bed angry and listen to each other by letting the other person finish talking before you start talking.
Kathleen.......Making marriage work is not really all that different than making sure any relationship and/or partnership has every opportunity to be successful enough to thrive & "continue."
There are many things to rid ourselves of before saying, "I do"... which, by the way, should be the LAST time we use the word, "I"...or "Me," or "Mine."
Get it? That's primary. Ego takes a one way hike.....far far away.
The simplest phrases become the most powerful between 2 people.....I love you....I appreciate you.....How are you?,,,,,,,,Can I help?
and do not forget the old standards...we learned as Toddlers: Please, Thank you, Excuse me, and You're Welcome..........
Make the major decisions together.....and at times, allow some independent choices to be "OK".....Give one another attention but no smothering. Ask for favors.....but try not to nag or badger......return favors......and celebrate together for no particular reason at all.
Laugh some every single day.....do not sweat the small stuff (and MOST of it IS small, in terms of complaints).....give a whole lot & be happy and grateful when you are the receiver.
in times of trouble or sadness be one another's "soft place to fall." Never ask of your partner what you yourself would not or could not do......and aim as well and as often as possible toward the same goals..........
If you make it any more complicated than this.....expect a whole lot of unnecessary crap that you'll only regret later on....when it may be "too late."
Just keep in mind that marriage, like all treasured things in life will reap what we sow...............That's pretty much IT!
I believe the number one cause for divorce is and always has been choosing the (wrong mate) for oneself.
This happens when a we have not taken the time to do some serious introspective thinking to figure out who we are, what we want, and what we need in a mate for life BEFORE we choose a mate.
That's the equivalent of going shopping without a "shopping list". Under those circumstances one is likely to allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" dictate their relationship choices.
The number two reason for divorce is people get married for the (wrong reasons). (A person reached an age goal, all of their friends were married, they were just "tired of being single", an unplanned pregnancy, an ultimatum was given, or someone joined the military and was about to ship out they wanted someone waiting for them....etc)
A marriage based on circumstances rather than love is likely to fail.
The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the marriage that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least there is a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.
There is no amount of work or communication that can overcome being with someone who does not want what you want.
Couples who (naturally agree) on the "major things" in life tend to be happier and stay together. Strive to keep romance & passion alive!
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde
Honesty and love is the most important foundation of any marriage. If both partners have share love and mutual respect, they will automatically try to look out for each other, think for each other and avoid doing things that will hurt the other person. I believe that everything stems from love or the lack of it. The other important thing is engagement with one another. Communication is crucial to talk things out and resolve any conflicts. Often, people keep their resentment bottled up till one day it becomes intolerable and beyond repair. People need to open up with their partner and the partner needs to show empathy and try to fix the problem. If one is selfish while the other keeps giving, it's only a matter of time before the sufferer walks out of the relationship.
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