It's my second marriage and its falling apart in 2 months, we both seem tired of each other any advice
Hi there, Lisa Jane Dewsnap,
Not sure how to answer your question, as it is very vague. If there is abuse, I'm sure you know what the right move is but, what about boundaries. That is a "Home runner" for your answer on what advice to accept; that is already going around in your mind. Including to discount any silly advice that might be dangling around in there.
Lots of things to deal with in second marriages. Have you been to counseling first of all? Are you both on a second marriage and comparing your problems to your last marriage? Are you trying to handle problems the same way? See what I mean? The list is endless and the problems aren't usually the real issue, but a result of something else.
If you are bored with one another you married too soon, and need to begin as new lovers who are just beginning the dating stage without sex. This doesn't mean moving out or not sleeping in the same room, but on a date.
You have to like one another before you can understand that love isn't an emotion but a commitment.
When your spouse does a kindness for you it is an outward demonstration of their feelings. Going to work to pay the bills, talking until 3 am until a problem is calmed, learning that submitting to one another isn't weakness is love.
What attracted you to one another in the first place? If you are bored, you are boring not just to one another but to others. Try doing new things and going to places of different interest without spending money. You'll be surprised how your conversations will change along with being bored with one another.
Hi and thanks for the reply.
We are both on the second marriage, my first lasted 17 yrs, I've known my husband since high school,
No we haven't been to counseling, he really don't want to but I do think its a goodhe also has depression??
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in a relationship: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. The choice is up to you.
In other words you can go find someone who (already is) the kind of person you want to be with or learn to love and accept the person you're with as they are. If someone needs to change their (core being) in order to make a relationship work then they have chosen the wrong mate for themselves.
Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
A divorce when it's all said and done is a public admission that a "mistake" was made. Only (you) know what your reasons were for choosing your spouse out of the other 7 Billion people who inhabit this planet.
Generally speaking when relationships and marriages fall apart it's because people have chosen the (wrong mate) for themselves or they got together/ married for the (wrong reasons).
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde
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