Would you feel betrayed that your ex husband or wife confessed to being a transgender?
If you were married or in a long term relationship with children and your ex spouse or significant other confess as being transgender, would you feel like your relationship was a sham?
Only in the fact that I'd be upset they didn't feel safe enough to trust me with them being their authentic self.
I think that would be what hurt most. You should be able to be your authentic self in a marriage of equals, and to hide such a big part would be upsetting in that you cannot trust the other to accept you. Marriages need trust.
So betrayed is not the word I'd use, but upset I couldn't be that person they trusted.
Yes, I agree that a spouse would feel upset if the other didn't feel safe enough to be authentic. He should have told her earlier perhaps, but cross dressing may have been a hint.
Without question I can answer this - no matter how you slice it, the betrayal is there.
You look back and feel that your entire relationship has been a lie. Every word, whispered secret, touch, comes into question 'Was any of it real?' You begin to question yourself 'How could I not see?' You question your ability to judge your own actions or even make decisions.
You try to talk to them, see how you can help - you can't, they have to help themselves. If they've spent this long lying to you, how long have they spent lying to themselves.
When you realize that you still love them - all you really want is for them to be happy.
But a simple answer to the question is yes - you will feel betrayed.
As much as we would like to see ourselves as a liberal free thinker, accepting of the diversity in others, i cannot imagine anyone finding out that a long term lover/spouse was keeping this kind of a secret. It is truly a form of betrayal, and the partner left behind must treat the loss as one would treat the death of a loved one. For in fact that is exactly what it is - the "death" of the person who you have loved and trusted for years.
With the transformation of that person into something totally foreign to the relationship there is no other way it can be just O.K. unless there was no real love or connection there in the first place.
The truly sad part of all this heartache is that there was ever a need to go through it in the first place. Those of us who are born "different" than others know the dire consequences of someone finding out our most inner secret. That threat is too much to bear so we lie to ourselves and we lie to each other to protect ourselves from the hatred and intolerance that surely will follow.
When mankind learns to accept everyone for what they are born to be there will be no need for the 'Bruce Jenners' to hide in the shadows of society.
Those who are born heterosexual and are lucky enough to find a life long partner of the opposite sex can never understand why people live secret lives, and they will be the first to point the finger, laugh, judge and make the person's life miserable. And their vehemence is heightened by their religions teaching them it is OK to hate and judge something they can never understand.
One would think say after many years of marriage that the betrayer would recognize in their spouse compassion or the understanding it would take to make such a confession.
The hardest part to accept is all the lying that preceded the confession.
Many marriages fall apart due to a spouse hiding other secrets;not just being a transgender.
I'd probably be shocked but I don't think I'd call it a "betrayal".
If discovering one wants to change their appearance to reflect who they feel like on the inside is considered a "betrayal" then I guess you could say changing one's appearance period would fall in the same category. (becoming obese, shaving their hair off, a facial tattoo, or having radical plastic surgery.)
Technically we don't own our spouse's body or appearance but we make the assumption that they aren't going to do anything radical!
According to Bruce now Caitlyn is still attracted to women and says sexuality has nothing to do with gender identification.
The marriage would only seem like a sham to me if in fact my mate was sexually attracted to my opposite gender.
Nevertheless if one's spouse is not attracted to a person who resembles their same sex the transgendered person shouldn't be shocked to receive divorce papers.
“While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions” – Stephen R. Covey
betrayal: to fail or desert; to lead astray..Hiding a truth from someone that would surely end a relationship is certainly shocking as well as a betrayal. We can recover from a shock, but losing a loved 1 is impossible to overcome.
d.william ; When people exchange their wedding vows they promise to "forsake all others". Betrayal is to break a promise or breach someone's trust. Twenty plus years ago Bruce had no way of knowing he'd (choose) to become Caitlyn over being a man
i know what UR saying, but when we know at an early age that we R different from others & choose 2 hide it out of fear,betrayal is inevitable when the weight of carrying the burden becomes 2 much 2 bear.The victims R not 2 blame-society is
dashingscorio said,"Twenty plus years ago Bruce had no way of knowing he'd (choose) to become Caitlyn over being a man:.
According to his own interviews, he claimed to be a female and chose the name Caitlin as a young boy. He knew back then.
It's one thing to "imagine" doing something in your life and another to ever (believe) you'd have the courage to do it! Lots of people live out their lives with secret fantasies. At age 65 after 2 marriages to get to this point it was not planned
I am not sure how I would feel until being hit with that type of news, but there would be a part of me that would understand why a person would hide this kind of information; but I would also wish that this didn't happen to come from my spouse.
I think we all understand why someone would hide the fact they have gender identity issues. In this day and age, it isn't exactly the easiest thing to live with, so under those circumstances, I get it. But I couldn't help but wonder which moments were genuine or fake.
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