Flirting: Is it cheating?

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   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   Flirting: Is it cheating?
   
   Whenever I've heard this question asked it is always answered from the perspective of the person doing the flirting. I want to know if you saw (your mate, spouse, or significant other) flirting with someone or you were given photos or an audio of them flirting...Would you consider it a form of cheating? A flirter says:"Just because I'm married doesn't mean I can't have friends."  (The line keeps moving.) Flirting is not cheating. Having "secret friends" is not cheating, meeting for lunch/dinner is not cheating, holding hands is not cheating, and foreplay is not sex..etc Is flirting cheating?
   
   

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   fpherj48posted 11 years ago

   People "flirt" for a reason.  There's a purpose/intention in the mind of the person "flirting."    Period, the END.
   Anyone who says otherwise is 1.) lying  2.)making light of it to convince someone they're innocent   3.) defending their sly behavior.
   I personally have never "flirted" unless I wanted to convey a message......and my message would not have been, "I don't like you nor am I attracted to you." 
   Can we all get REAL?   Unless you're working undercover, starring in a movie, play or video.....teaching a course in Romance........There is ONE EXPRESS reason to flirt.   OK??  Alright?   Good!
   Sooooo.....the cheating comes next.  Ever heard the expression "playing with fire?"  Some people need the excitement/danger to feel alive or be assured they're still attractive....The Thrill.  If you WANT the relationship you have.......Flirting is a super bad idea.  Huge mistake.
   (btw, not "YOU".....I'm speaking in general!  LOL )

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      "The kiss is the persuasion to lower invasion." Everything is innocent until it's not. LOL! Those who say flirting is not cheating have never asked their mates if it were okay with them if they flirted with others! (Cheating is breaking the rules.)

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      Foodeeeposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      You know if you look at these avatars. You can tell who the flirts are. The women with those bedroom eyes and bare shoulders... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!

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      Dave36posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I totally agree fpherj48, If a couple are really in love together neither of them would ever feel the need to flirt....The one who does flirt is dabbling/looking/checking, to see what potential is out there.

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      fpherj48posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Oh BTW, I admit: people see me as a flirt most of the time. I am also harmless. My personality is the same no matter who I speak to. If they take it the wrong way, I apologize & tell them I like them, but  I'm not going home with them!   LOL!

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   luvtoowriteposted 11 years ago

   No, flirting is not cheating, but it does signify that someone is prone to cheat. Then again, a person may want attention without physical intimacy. It also depends what you define as flirting. I define flirting as finding your significant other, winking, touching, staring excessively, and making sexual remarks, whether in person or online. Yes, I have experienced this; I don't know too many people who have not. I do not consider telling a stranger or friend good morning while walking by, petting their dog, or shooting the breeze as flirting.

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      The definition of cheating is breaking the rules.
      Flirting is not cheating if the people in the relationship state it's okay or they expect it. Only our mates can tell us if our flirting with others is cheating & vice versa. Perception is realit

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      fpherj48posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Find me a spouse who gives permission to their significant other to FLIRT...and I'll show you a person who is looking to make flirting with others, "OK" for them too!....Next comes the "open marriage" discussion?  Not buyin it!

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      fpherj48, I agree with you. The reason why people don't ask their mates for the "green light" to flirt with others is because they know it's unacceptable to be doing while in an (exclusive relationship). So for them it's "don't ask don't tell".

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      SandCastlesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Note: Some jealous mates see flirting in every action. They are accusers, "You looked at her, you were flirting, don't deny it!" They act like drill sergeants and do not tolerate their mate shooting the breeze. They are control freaks-not good.

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   tsmogposted 11 years ago

   Besides being a great idea between the science of flirting, the nature of flirting, the purpose of flirting, and the cause of flirting I tend to lean that flirting flirts with jealousy more than reality. I have a difficult time not seeing flirting with most any social exchange between persons of any gender or within a group.
   
   Of course there is the old adage of flirting with danger to ponder as well. Yet, the question alludes seemingly aimed at batting eyes, a wink or two, sometimes a smile, or some such.
   
   If you get down to the meaning of flirting any person who answered this question did in fact flirt. We each did respond expressing a deeper desire for a relationship with another in a social setting. Simple enough.
   
   Many times meaning may become lost with intent and motive. I ponder how many of this and that was sold by a salesperson and the motive then is money through flirting. That leads to pondering a compliment.
   
   With that understanding I would ask why of intent before entering upon jealousy. Motive tends to follow intent. Maybe a gentleman knows and knows he knows as equally as a lady knows and knows she knows that flirting may lead simply to a better understanding and possibly a better position.
   
   (wink)
   
   tim

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      fpherj48posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      HUH ??!!

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Every dating relationship begins with flirting. From the view of your mate or spouse they recall that is how things started between you two. If they see you doing it with others it's natural for them to get upset. Your (intent) is invisible!

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      Foodeeeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Huh x 2

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   SandCastlesposted 11 years ago

   First one must first define the term flirting.Sometimes people mistakenly interpret another person's behaviour as flirting when it isn't because people see what they want to see. A jealous partner might accuse their mate of flirting because they glanced at someone. A hopeful might think a woman wants them because she smiled at them. 
   
   Flirting is obvious behaviour, "Hey baby, what's your sign". It's a woman giggling and touching a man's biceps, "You're so strong!" It's winking and raising one's eye brows up and down. It's saying, "Is it getting hot in here or what?" and doing a disco walk while singing, "Foxy Lady" or "I'm too sexy for my Shirt".   
   
   Flirting could be a form of cheating or it could be just an egoist who wants attention.

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I agree "perception is reality" or flirting is in the eye of the beholder.Nevertheless it's important to know what your (mate) considers flirting to be as well as them knowing what you consider it t be and if you both find it "acceptable" behavior

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      fpherj48posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Can we get a bit more REAL, pretty please?  98% of the human race KNOW DAMNED WELL when someone is "flirting" with them.  Of course, if you ENJOY it, you can always PRETEND you "had no idea he/she was flirting."  Such games!!

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      SandCastlesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      That's right fpherj48, not everyone knows when someone is flirting with them. People misinterpret behaviour as flirting when the person just looked at them. Others don't see flirting unless it is obvious. Others do. Not everyone is the same.

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      fpherj48posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      SandCastles...No argument from this old gal...True, not everyone is the same. This is why I stated 98%! LOL..Those who think someone is flirting by just looking, are "wishful thinkers."  Bottom line to the question?  REAL flirting is the PRE-cheat.

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      SandCastles, There's truth to your comment. From time to time someone is oblivious to the fact a person is flirting with them until a friend points it out! They have little dating experience or are rusty. Others see every glance/smile as flirting!

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      SandCastlesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Also, one has to be careful how they behave because others can interpret a person's behaviour as flirting. I used to be too smiley and I attracted a lot of creeps, "Here's an easy squeezy".  I make a point of looking stoney in public now.

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      SandCastles. We live in a world where most people are stone faced, rude, or ignore those around them. Some (men) in particular are likely to believe a woman who smiles or offers them a cheerful hello greeting is flirting because it's so rare!

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      SandCastlesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Exactly, when you smile all the time, you stand out.  But you don't have to sneer at people. To guard one's self, one must be careful not to present themselves as a target. Also, a smile is just a facial expression and doesn't equal goodness.

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   Bk42authorposted 11 years ago

   I don't think flirting is cheating but I do believe it an lead to cheating. As fpherj48 mentioned, a person doesn't flirt with someone they aren't attracted to, so if that person is not careful, continuing to flirt can lead to your ego getting stroked a little too much which can then lead to cheating.

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      fpherj48posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      fpherj48 (Paula) also says: Flirting is the LURE on the fish hook. when I cast out my line, I always came back with a catch!  Most, I threw back, some I fileted and the rest I dropped off at the taxidermist!!  ROFLMAO!!  This is too much fun!!

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Whomever initiates flirting is inviting someone to play. They want the other person to engage with them. I don't buy the myth it's all in fun. They need to feed their ego, want a favor, or hope for a chance to hook up. It's a first step to cheat

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      fpherj48posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      dashing..precisely my feelings. As I said, when someone OBVIOUSLY flirts, they do have a motive..an intention..beyond "being friendly."  I'm glad you see this. The Preamble to cheating! My flirting days were when young & single. Not true 4 everyo

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   cebutouristspotposted 11 years ago

   Flirting is not cheating.  It just making the other people to have a more positive attitude towards you. 
   
   But if the person doing the flirting have other agenda and act on those agenda then that is cheating
   
   Most of the time people flirt without knowing it

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      So you're saying it wouldn't bother you if you saw your mate or spouse flirting with someone? The funny thing about agendas is the person who your mate is flirting with has no way of knowing their intentions.

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   Shelly Elliottposted 11 years ago

   I think flirting is a way to get attention from someone you feel connected to. If you are in a 'committed' relationship it is up to the couple to respect each other and not lead down that path. When I see men flirt it is nice to see innocent smiles from women. Most women, myself included are friendly and sometimes that gets mistaken for flirting. The media loves sexy and we all deserve to be loved. It is a fine line. But sometimes it is just in our nature, chemistry is a funny thing.

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      If you witnessed (your man) flirting with women via a hidden camera would you say he's just seeking some attention or would you think he's fishing for potential takers? We tend to only flirt with those we're (attracted) to. How innocent is that?

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      SandCastlesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Note:  The Con artist flirts to flatter. So people should not be taken in; just because someone is flirting with you does not mean they like you (only as a potential mark or victim and how flattering is that-not very). One must be discerning.

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      SandCastles, Very true! Not only do con artists flirt but women have been known to show some leg to hitch a ride in the old days! LOL! A lot of so called chivalry is the result of a woman flirting to get a man to help her. He hopes to get somewhere

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      Shelly Elliottposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I have witnessed my man flirting and yes it makes me insecure but I know he is loyal. Marriage is fun and games when u r cheating but I have been on the other end and it makes it hard to trust someone again. This is a big problem for most couples.

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   MsDoraposted 11 years ago

   Some people are flirtatious generally.  It's in their DNA to flirt, and they do it in the open where there is no chance for their intentions to be misconstrued. That may or may not be cheating.
   
   However, flirting, holding hands, hugging, definitely become cheating when:
   (1) there is an attempt to disguise it or intentionally hide it 
   (2)it is intended to substitute for something missing in the marriage
   (3)the other spouse requests that it is not done.
   
   By the way, secret meetings are cheating.
   Nothing should upset the primary relationship (marriage).

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks MsDora. Most the people answering this question do so from their point of view of why (they) flirt. I'm curious how they feel about seeing their spouse/mate or significant other flirt with others! Would you condone it? or Feel betrayed?

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    Dr Billy Kiddposted 11 years ago

    Flirting is a love style. That style disrespects any other love relationship by tempting others with sex. It is teasing with a sex in order to get someone's attention. Over time, that eventually leads to sex. You really don't have a strong relationship if your partner flirts.

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       fpherj48posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Dr. Billy.......Exactly!  We agree.   The "Flirt" is being terribly disrespectful, not to mention thoughtless....toward their partner/spouse.

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       dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I agree Dr. Billy flirting is "testing the waters" to see if there is a mutual attraction. Most people talk about it being a "fun or innocent" game when (they) do it. I want to know how they'd feel if they saw their spouse/mate doing it. Betrayed?

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       Foodeeeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Dr Billy you said that flirting is getting attention. Which I agree with. I like to ask how many women and men on here have "Overly attractive Avatars" to flirt or get attention. That attention may be to get followers but its attention. Its funny.

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    Foodeeeposted 11 years ago

    I think as it would depend on the person who is being "flirted on" (liken to the phrase cheated on). Relationship are twice as complex as any single person and we know how messed one person can be.
    
    -If that person who is being flirted on has some self-esteem issues then they will find the flirting a problem no matter how innocent it is. Jealousy will peaks its nasty head and thoughts of anything and everything will fill the person's head.
    
    -If they are person who has a strong sense of themselves they may in fact not see any problem with it. This person may in fact find some kind of satisfaction in the act. He or she might think that others are attracted to my mate and they wish they were me.
    
    These are two opposite extreme possibilities. But I, think in my own personal situation is why does this other person need to flirt. What am I doing wrong that they need to find fulfillment elsewhere. If its not a sexual matter then why not just have a relationship with the same sex. Where does the flirting line end and the cheating line start. If foreplay is flirting then it would be ok to make out with another person with your clothes off but not have sex. I would consider that foreplay. I don't know too many people who can do that without having sex. If you don't mind someone flirting to that extent then honestly you probably wouldn't care if they had actual intercourse. Maybe I'm on the less secure side than the other.
    
    If you look at it from a basic animalistic point of view then flirting is the first step to sex. Animals have a way of flirting with the possible mate to entice them into breeding. Some do anyway. Certainly when you met your mate you flirted with them to so they knew you were interested. I think flirting is a process of mating and should be between two people if they feel they are in a monogamous relationship.

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       Shelly Elliottposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Humans are not animals brings on the question why do only some animals mate for life? It is understanding that self esteem is an issue with flirting, however again it depends on how mature we are and how we communicate to our partner. Venus vs. Mars

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       Foodeeeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Humans are not animals but we both have the same basic animal instincts. The drive to live and procreate. Speaking of maturity the need for a person to flirt is inversely proportionate to their maturity level. Meaning: more flirting = less mature.

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       dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       This is a great first date question to ask before becoming emotionally invested. If they say there's nothing wrong with flirting while in an exclusive relationship you can decide if they are right for (you). Agreement is what we seek in our mates.

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    SatendraSainiposted 10 years ago

    Flirt is always cheating. some people don't mind it, they think its their talent but as I see it is always a ruined of someone belief who consider you more then others.

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    Byonder5posted 10 years ago

    Just to add I think MsDora makes a very good Point ii in her answer. And i'm not trying to flirt, lol!

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    Escania007posted 10 years ago

    Yes flirting is cheat because if you saw your partner flirting with someone else how would you feel? When you flirt with someone your giving them the wrong impression, and mix signals you might not realize it until they make a pass at you. Put it like this do something that you wouldn't mind your partner doing as well.

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    Dave36posted 10 years ago

    If my Mrs flirted with another guy, alarm bells would be ringing....I'm not capable of cheating on my partner, therefore i'm not capable of flirting with another girl when already in a relationship....So if i saw my Mrs flirting with another guy it would hurt me inside, & i don't know if i'd ever just write something like that off....It's a red flag warning sign to me, & i'd be out of there....Sounds a bit dramatic, but can anyone give me an example where it would be okay to flirt?....

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    baybpnkposted 10 years ago

    Personally I feel that when you are in a relationship with someone, you chose to be with that person only. By "in a relationship" I mean boyfriend/girlfriend, married, engaged. By choosing to be in that relationship with someone you are committing yourself to them in every way; emotional (by loving them) and physical (sex, kissing, holding hands, ect.). To that ONE person (unless otherwise agreed upon, like swingers do...) and no one else.
    Flirting can be harmless. However, when I say "flirting," I mean things like "Hey cutie" or something along those lines. The problem is when "flirting" become "Hey sexy" and "I want to do things to you." Yes, those words have actually come out of a mans mouth towards myself and several, if not all, of my friends. That is the time when it crosses the line between "flirting" and "sexual." When things become sexual, physically or "just talking," it IS cheating.
    It is unfair to yourself and your partner to speak and act that way towards someone other than your spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend because you are giving that part of you to another. That part of you should only be for the one you are choosing to be in a relationship with. If you feel that you want to give that part of you to other people and NOT your partner, or others AND your partner, then it is only fair and less douche-y (excuse the non-word there) to inform your partner and let them choose to stay with you or leave and be with someone who agrees with their definition of a relationship.
    So I guess my answer is there is a line, and once that line is crossed, yes it is cheating.

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       Foodeeeposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Very Well Said!!!!
       Thank you for your insight. Its unfortunate that some people cross the line and don't even know where they crossed it.

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       baybpnkposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you! I know a few people like this. I think it's unfortunate for them because they loose out on having that connection with the only person they supposedly want in their lives long term. It has never made sense to me to cheat on a "loved" one.

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       dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       baybpnk, You made several valid points. Unfortunately there are lots of people who consider flirting to be harmless. I suspect they never think how their mates/spouses would feel if they witnessed them in the act.. No one wants their mate to flirt

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    Penny Gposted 10 years ago

    Maybe not but it sure can lead to it. It is dishonest, deceitful and hurtful and can lead to a vicious cycle involving both people. Run while you can if you want to keep your marriage.

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    kklendposted 10 years ago

    There is nothing worse than to be married to a man that constantly flirts. he can do this in many discreet ways, even in front of his wife. Besides being cruel, it is just evil. It would have to suggest that the man has some real issues, and in his case; should never have committed to a marriage. The damage that it can do to a spouse is so severe that it will change her forever. No excuse for it.

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       dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       kklend , I will assume your answer applies to women as well as this question was not "gender specific". Women have also been known to flirt.

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    kallini2010posted 9 years ago

    I believe something is missing here.  It's like asking "Is eating good or bad?"  Well, it depends on how much - too much is not good, but too little is not good either.  And it's not only quantity, but quality as well - depends on what one eats.
    
    I think flirtatious behaviour in its first approximation shows playfulness and it's fun.  If people cannot tell the difference between flirting and cheating, these people are "too heavy" and I don't think they are quick-witted.  They need heavy straight lines to distinguish between harmless flirting and more suggestive and not so innocent flirting. Don't throw out the baby with the water.
    
    Even the words - EVIL. Honestly, "evil"?
    
    I would ask another question - how many people are attracted to boring "good" people who always do right things and do things right (not that the phenomenon exists).
    
    Is music bad? When it's too quiet or when it's too loud? Can we tell the difference? When it's too quiet, it's sometimes irritating because you are trying to make the sounds out, when it's too loud, it can damage the hearing.
    
    By the way, YOU (as in anyone) may not even be aware how your behaviour changes when you are "interacting" with an attractive person of the opposite gender. Others would notice. It's not even your intention, yet...  I've been told that if there is no attraction or sexual tension between men and women, there is problem with the one who does not feel attraction. But, of course, we have to be aware of the danger of playing games.
    
    I like people who flirt - flirt is a light word, flirting, but not coming on or making other people uncomfortable. We would die of boredom if all of the people were, umm,..right.
    
    I don't expect people to (openly) agree with me. What I expect is an assumption bordering on accusation "you defend flirting because you are flirtatious yourself". I am, but I don't cross the lines and I don't cheat. When my ex flirted, I was OK with that. He did not cross the lines either.

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       dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       Whether flirting is "cheating" or not is in the eye of the beholder. Certainly the person doing the flirting knows what their intentions are. However if one witnessed their spouse or significant other flirting with various women/men is that okay?

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       kallini2010posted 9 years agoin reply to this

       I think there are couple of aspects here. The word itself, it seems to me that it carries the different emotional load; therefore, we don't have the same image. If flirting crosses the line of being socially inappropriate, there must be another term.

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       dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       Perception is reality. Everyone has there own definition of what constitutes being inappropriate. Most people would be upset if they {caught their significant other} "flirting" with another woman or man and especially so if they're married.

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