With feminism and equal rights should the man still pay for outing and open doors?
i think it is very romantic when my husband opens the door,although i dont feel like he has to.Our money is together but i do usually have him order my meal.
I'm probably in the minority but I always feel a bit awkward when a man jumps up to open a door for me. I'm a grown adult and I can open the door pretty easily myself! On the other hand I think it's common courtesy to hold the door open for someone if you've gone through first and the other person is behind you.
As for paying for meals, this makes me feel awkward, too. I think there's a slight feeling of owing them something if they pay for my meal/date activities. It feels kind of rude and a lot harder to say "I'm not into this" after they've just spent money on me.
I have always, always offered to pay for my own meal on dates.
So I guess my answer is no, I don't think men should feel like they have to do either of these things, but they're long-standing dating traditions so I'm sure a lot of women do expect it and I'm sure a lot of men feel like it's the right thing to do.
I prefer to take equal rights out of the equation. Romance stirs romantic feelings and there is nothing more romance-killing than a man who asks a woman out for a date and then tells her she has to pay half---because women now have "equal rights." Frankly, this is just an excuse to be a cheapskate. It makes me sad that some women think that his paying for dinner means she "owes" him something---as in sexual favors.. She doesn't owe him anything except for her presence in what will hopefully be an enjoyable evening- one of many to come.
Likewise, opening doors is equally romantic. This simple gesture makes most women feel happy and valued. This, in turn, makes her appreciate the man more for treating her well. Would a guy want to have a woman open the car door for him? I doubt it highly. Just because women have discovered they can demand equal pay (which they usually don't get anyway) does not mean she also is required to somehow turn off the switch in her heart and mind which craves romance---which is impossible, by the way.
Men enjoy women because they are women. If they didn't enjoy her as a woman, they are either not into women or they are just out for a "transaction" that no decent woman would put up with.
Long story, short, both men and women must give to one another, but we give in different ways. Her ways is through her femininity---and I'm not talking here about putting on the frilly apron. I am referring to her essence. All a man really needs to do is imagine a world without women and take their fears about equal rights out of the equation.
That being said, it is fine for a woman to pay now and again sometime down the road when a relationship has been established. But that "50/50 right down the middle, counting pennies" thing is a big turn off. I avoid such men like the plague. They are boorish and beyond uninteresting.
If he's doing it to be polite, and he does it for men as well, then sure. If he's doing it just because she's a woman and it's "expected" then no. I'm always annoyed by "expected" politeness because then it's not genuine politeness and if you don't do it (for whatever reason) you're pegged as a jerk. A lot of these male/female expectations have been dragged into the present, despite modern views on gender. Like asking for a father's 'permission' to marry his daughter. Haven't we come far enough as a society that the woman's answer is more important? But that's a different debate entirely.
I believe whomever asks a person out should be prepared to pay for the date. I can't imagine asking a woman out expecting her to pay.
Having said that if I received a call inviting me out to lunch or dinner I would be offended if the woman (expected) me to pay. I'm not a human ATM machine. Once again whomever extends the invitation should be prepared to pay (in my opinion).
I've read some women prefer to pay their own way to remove any "ideas" a man has that causes him to think the woman is somehow "obligated" to go beyond where she wants to at the end of the date.
We as a society have always equated dating/money with sex and how much one cares. The phrase: "I'm not a cheap date!" implies don't take someone to McDonalds for a "Happy Meal" and expect to have sex afterwards.
On the other hand some women would have a difficult time accepting a date to a 5 star romantic restaurant and a play with a guy they're not attracted to while other women would jump at the chance with no intention of ever going out with the guy again.
Men tend to only ask women out whom they (do) find attractive.
As for opening doors I do that regardless of gender for the most part especially if I'm walking into a building and I'm aware there is someone right behind. I'm fully aware some women would rather not have a man standing there holding a door open for them when they are still (several feet away) therein forcing them to almost run.
Nevertheless it always seems odd to me when people either refuse to say "Thank you" or acknowledge kindness of any kind.
I guess some women don't want to feel "compelled to speak".
They'd rather open their own doors, lift their own bags, pull out their chairs. Essentially some people see chivalry as something born out of sexism. Women were viewed as the "weaker sex" who required protection from men and needed to be "looked after" much like children. There's a battle between feeling "special" or "equal".
Ultimately I believe it's better not to try and guess which type of woman you're dealing with but instead just be true to yourself.
In the end everyone wants to be loved and appreciated for who (they) are.
I believe the rule for dating is that when a man asks a woman out for the first time, he should pay. If he asks her out again, she should offer to contribute financially. Rather than both going Dutch, he should pay for one part (dinner), and she should pay for another (drinks). If she asks him out, she should pay for the whole date.
As for opening doors, I believe it's a nice gesture that can be done for anyone by anyone. Women who rudely reject this should be told off. Here's an example: "You don't like my old fashioned manners? That’s a shame. I’ll pencil in some time to cry about it later . Right now, I’m busy enjoying all the women who appreciate me."
You can get great snappy comebacks at this site:
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