Conflict: Do you think that it is 10% opinion and 90% tone of voice?

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   threekeysposted 7 years ago

   Conflict: Do you think that it is 10% opinion and 90% tone of voice?
   
   What are your thoughts or experiences here?
   
   

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   manatita44posted 7 years ago

   My Teacher has a beautiful aphorism that describes this. Alas! my Sweet, I may not find it. Conflict happens when we see things in one way and someone else sees it in a different way. This is very common among Christian to Christian and other Faiths here on Hub Pages.
   
   In fact, it colours the page with a dark energy, which the sensitive can feel quite easily, thereby destroying the Love which it probably set out to instill in the first place.
   
   From a practical standpoint, you are mostly correct. Large organisations have courses in Conflict Resolution, Customer Care and more recently Mindfulness, geared to teaching about body language and how to diffuse a situation by tone, approach, empathy and so forth. Works.
   
   This brings me back to Spirituality, which I don't talk about so much now, but the point is that individuals go on these course and they help for a while, but character is character. Many are back to their old self within a very short time. What's needed is 'inner work.' and for that we need to be humble and accept that some help is needed.
   
   Actually, it is opinions that lead to conflict: My religion is the only one or better than yours; this patch of land was originally mine and you seized it; I am the real indigenous person and not you; I may be black but I have rights too.... there are so many variations! You are not sharing the oil or wealth equally, this is an injustice!
   
   I could name hundreds! So this in itself tells us, that the solution is the way of reconciliation and brotherly Love. But if you told me that this is not easy, I'll be the first to agree with you. Syria has had a war for such a long time!
   
   I do not usually go down that road, but if you look carefully, behind the propaganda, most want a piece of the action. All is not always black and white and can be quite complex, in fact. So many interested parties involved!
   
   But yes, in a work situation, on a microcosmic level, practical application of short-term measures: tone of voice, support, retreat, giving way, etc., can and do help. Much Love, ThreeKeys.
   
   Oh! I wrote another poem on my Country for you. A sweeter one. Drop me a line on life, if you like, your questions indicate some of the modern strife going on today. Not easy. You have my full concern.

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Life is ambigous and multilayered. Like you expressed manitita, there can be many facets to deal with in a situaiton.
      Yes I look forward to reading your new poem about your homeland

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   Cissy1946posted 7 years ago

   I believe that it's tone of voice. In fact, one of my favorite lines from just about my favorite book has to do with exactly that sentiment. The book is The Virginian and the line is "When you call me that, smile." The story is told by a man who has gone out west to visit the owner of the ranch that the Virginian works for and the Virginian was sent to the train station to pick him up. While in town he observes the Virginian and his best friend horsing around and the friend called the Virginian an SOB. They both laughed and continued with whatever they were doing. A while later when the Virginian was in a poker game that included Trampas, the evil villain of the story, and he called the Virginian the same thing the result was completely different...
   
   "The Virginian's pistol came out, and his hand lay on the table, holding it unaimed. And with a voice as gentle as ever, the voice that sounded almost like a caress, but drawling a very little more than usual, so that there was almost a space between each word, he issued his orders to the man Trampas:  'When you call me that, smile!' "
   
   Definitely tone of voice...

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I know someone whose tone of voice is felt and commands action rather than the words he uses.

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      TessSchlesingerposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      While I think tone of voice contributes, it's not 90%.

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      These are just one set of statistics. You know with stats....The man I mentioned? It may not be 90% literally but the use of his tone is high and it is used to bark you to attention and command.

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   dashingscorpioposted 7 years ago

   
   
   How you say something is often more important to people than what you say. The wrong attitude or vibe shuts people down right away or keeps them from (listening) to your point of view.
   It's always best to take into account the other person's core belief system, personality, and how they have behaved in the past when they get bad news, criticized, or are disagreed with.
   There is no "one size fits all" approach to dealing with people.
   You may have to "edit" your response. Timing is also a key factor!
   Keep in mind (what your goal is) when you approach them.
   Do you want their cooperation? or to belittle/insult them?
   It's so easy to fall into an ego trap of wanting to show someone up!

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      All great points. I agree with you. And it is a working progress for probably  most of us.

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   TessSchlesingerposted 7 years ago

   Depends on who you are talking to. If you are talking to someone who interprets others based on their feelings, then they will interpret what you say by how you say it. If you are talking to someone who bases evaluation on meaning of words (i.e. me), then they will base interpretation of what is meant on what is said, not the way it is said. People are different.

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Tess. Yes it just depends on the person. Its just like when someone feels as if they are loved or not. Some people need to hear the words "I love you" often. Some need acts of service while others need gifts now and again.

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