The moment you think or feel you have to prove yourself to someone is it time to

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   threekeysposted 7 years ago

   The moment you think or feel you have to prove yourself to someone is it time to move on?
   
   In relationships? In your career? Do you..can you, draw a line in the sand here?
   
   

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   manatita44posted 7 years ago

   In relationships, probably yes. But we rarely do. Such is the nature of things. In your career? Work harder initially, including work on self. I told a girl off, just four weeks ago. Perhaps she deserves it; perhaps it's true. Many took my side. However, they may not have known that I was in inner pain, and that if I felt like I am feeling now, I would not have said it.
   
   So sometimes, it is us, we that need to do a bit of introspection. If all fails, move on yes, but a warning, a very reputable man of God used to say that where ever you go, you take your mind with you. Reflect on this.
   
   Finally, what I wanted most to say, is that we are doing this thing all the time. The Christian mystics call it 'self-love. Consciously or unconsciously, we want to be loved, appreciated; to feel a sense of self-esteem. Me too. It is necessary for inner growth.
   
   Nothing wrong with this. Just know that sometimes, the other is having his or her own battle, and chose your moment carefully. In fact, if the response from a friend is slow or not there, stop what you are doing or saying. Much Love, Threekeys.

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   Cissy1946posted 7 years ago

   Not necessarily. Throughout the early years of my career I was always having to prove myself to my supervisors and co-workers. I was a drafter during a time when there weren't very many women in that profession so there was the constant need to prove that I was fully capable of doing the work at least as well as my male co-workers.
   Not so funny story about lines in the sand.
   At this point I was well established in my career. The communications field was booming and CAD hadn't entered the arena yet so there was a high demand for people who could produce quality, accurate, and fast schematic diagrams and wire lists. (These were used by technicians who were building prototype printed circuit boards for computers). I was working in Virginia and received a call one day from a company in Maryland. They had a job open and wanted me to come in and talk to them. First I said I had a job, then they told me how much the job paid so I made an appointment. Let me pause here and say I did contract work so I wasn't an actual employee of the company I worked for, just a worker bee. So off I went to Maryland to talk to the company. They gave me a test. I'm not sure if it was because I was a woman or if they gave everyone a test but I had no problem with it because I knew my profession. So they hired me. As I walked into my little room on my second day one of the engineers walked in behind me and threw a bunch of papers on my drawing board. He said, "I need those typed by 10" and walked out. This was one of those things that I had been fighting against my whole career so this did not make me happy and no amount of money was going to turn me into a typist. I called my contract firm and told them what had happened. I know the person I was talking to wanted to say "So" but he refrained himself and asked what I wanted to do. I told him this was a problem and either he could take care of it or I would. About 5 minutes later the engineer came in, grabbed his papers, and left and about 5 minutes after that the man who interviewed me came in and apologized for the misunderstanding and promised it wouldn't happen again. So, sometime you have to draw that line...
   As far as relationships go I haven't had the problem come up but if it did I would imagine it was time to move on.

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      You knew where to draw the line. You nipped it in the bud and that is inspiring.

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   Sofia Sinhaposted 7 years ago

   Oneself is the best person to answer this particular question.. One should ask whether moving on is the ultimate choice or option.. If the heart and mind agree mutually, go ahead with a brave face on.. Your heart, mind and soul are the best philosopher and guide..

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Sofia. Yes ultimately what our minds and hearts say in unison is the key answer to follow. I cannot say my mind and heart are in agreement all the time. This is my dharma or karma to resolve and work at.

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   dashingscorpioposted 7 years ago

   
   
   To a certain extent we are always proving something to others as well as to ourselves. Everyone has some "expectations" of those who are in their life. The thing to determine is whether they are reasonable.
   Having said that after a certain amount of time/history your reputation should have merit with those who know you. Benefit of the doubt.
   Certain occupations such as in sales; you're only as good as your last month or last quarter! Just about every job these days has at the very least (annual performance reviews).
   However if you're in a relationship where you have to keep "proving" you love someone or you can be trusted, then you are in a "no-win" situation. Naturally if you have "changed" or stopped doing certain things it's understandable for someone have questions.
   A commitment doesn't mean we get to STOP doing all the things that caused our mate to fall in love with us and expect things to remain the same.
   Nevertheless if they seem to keep coming up with new hoops to jump through or creating a various new litmus tests  (ie) "A real woman/man would ...etc"  It's time to move on!
   All anyone can do is give their best.
   If it's not "good enough" it's not a match.
   No one wants to have to "walk on eggshells".

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I agree. No one wants to walk on eggshells or feel that who they are as they are, feels it is flawed and have to keep passing the "litmus test". I think that having to keep passing through "tests" would say more about the insecurities of the partner.

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