Why is it so hard to forgive?
Out of all of the qualities of a person, the hardest thing to do seems to be to forgive. A person may have said or done something to us that seems so unforgivable and we choose to keep this view even though it eats us alive from the inside out. Why is that? How can we find it in our hearts to forgive?
An especially good book to use is Unpacking Forgiveness by Chris Brauns. It is hugely important not to dismiss the book's appendix.
Sometimes forgiveness is overrated and some things are just not forgivable.
I used to aspire to forgiving because it was hard yet a transforming experience for the betterment not only for one's health but also allowing you to be fully present and ready to be a good partner in the wings for your next partner to be. Now? "?"
Biblical forgiveness requires:
* the person who did the wrong stop doing the wrong
* they make recompense or suffer the punishment for it
* the person is repentant / sorry / remorseful
* at that point, it is the victim's choice of whether or not to forgive and let go of anger, hurt, resentment
The modern version of forgiveness is where they say either:
* he's remorseful, forgive him and we don't have to punish him - ignoring the consequences that real forgiveness requires of the guilty, and often allowing the person to repeat the same offense
* push to forgive people when the person who are not repentant for their actions, in the mistaken belief that if the victim forgives the guilty that it will help all parties
* a mistaken assumption that feeling sorry is punishment enough and ignore that this incentivizes pretending to be really sorry to escape punishment
* the immoral practice of many schools assuming that all involved in an incident are guilty to some degree, so the child being beaten up is told to apologize for defending themselves as the child who beat them asks for forgiveness; by making the victim take a degree of blame as part of act of "forgiveness", it makes them resist any type of forgiveness in the future.
When someone can assault or steal and then act sad, and society says please forgive him, the victim is remorseful for being pushed to be victimized again by forgiving the guilty while the guilty is left free to do it again. And in those situations, it is very hard to truly forgive because the real cases of it are outnumbered by the false ones.
I believe there are two basic reasons why it's hard to forgive.
Many people believe by not forgiving they're somehow hurting the other person who betrayed them or took advantage of them.
Others believe if they forgive it's the equivalent to giving them a "free pass" or makes themselves look "weak".
The reality is forgiveness doesn't mean you have to pretend something never happened and go back to trusting them as being a part of your inner circle.
Forgiveness essentially means you've decided (not to let it dwell) on your mind anymore. You're letting it go and (moving on).
When a creditor "forgives a debt" it doesn't mean they'll give him/her another loan! It just means they're no longer going to waste time and energy trying to collect. Essentially they've turned the page.
The history of the event remains unchanged.
It takes true strength to forgive. I think it would be dependent on the person asking/needing forgiveness. If their behavior changed or the sincere effort was made to show empathy and deserve forgiveness, I think it would be easier.
by Smikle7 years ago
how hard is it to truly forgive and forget what someone who you love hurts you? forgiveness iseasy,when we jus say am sorry without affection or meaning it, doing this the hurt still lingers and it becomes hard for you...
by est-19913 years ago
Why is it so hard to forgive???
by COCOBEWARE6 years ago
Would you leave your spouse if he/she only cheated once? Where do you draw the line?
by Ubechu Dominic4 years ago
Why do you have to forgive?
by Carolee Samuda24 months ago
How do you fix a relationship whose trust has been broken by infidelity?
by Rishad I Habib17 months ago
Can you forgive a man who has raped you?Emotion is impermanent just like everything else in this world. Nothing lives forever. Just like happiness - anger & hatred may not last forever as well...I believe it...
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