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Why is it so hard to forgive?

  1. Lori Dudley profile image78
    Lori Dudleyposted 17 months ago

    Why is it so hard to forgive?

    Out of all of the qualities of a person, the hardest thing to do seems to be to forgive. A person may have said or done something to us that seems so unforgivable and we choose to keep this view even though it eats us alive from the inside out. Why is that? How can we find it in our hearts to forgive?


  2. RTalloni profile image88
    RTalloniposted 17 months ago

    An especially good book to use is Unpacking Forgiveness by Chris Brauns. It is hugely important not to dismiss the book's appendix.

  3. profile image0
    Cissy1946posted 17 months ago

    Sometimes forgiveness is overrated and some things are just not forgivable.

    1. threekeys profile image79
      threekeysposted 17 months agoin reply to this

      I used to aspire to forgiving because it was hard yet a transforming experience for the betterment not only for one's health but also allowing you to be fully present and ready to be a good partner in the wings for your next partner to be. Now? "?"

  4. tamarawilhite profile image91
    tamarawilhiteposted 17 months ago

    Biblical forgiveness requires:
    * the person who did the wrong stop doing the wrong
    * they make recompense or suffer the punishment for it
    * the person is repentant / sorry / remorseful
    * at that point, it is the victim's choice of whether or not to forgive and let go of anger, hurt, resentment

    The modern version of forgiveness is where they say either:
    * he's remorseful, forgive him and we don't have to punish him - ignoring the consequences that real forgiveness requires of the guilty, and often allowing the person to repeat the same offense 
    * push to forgive people when the person who are not repentant for their actions, in the mistaken belief that if the victim forgives the guilty that it will help all parties
    * a mistaken assumption that feeling sorry is punishment enough and ignore that this incentivizes pretending to be really sorry to escape punishment
    * the immoral practice of many schools assuming that all involved in an incident are guilty to some degree, so the child being beaten up is told to apologize for defending themselves as the child who beat them asks for forgiveness; by making the victim take a degree of blame as part of act of "forgiveness", it makes them resist any type of forgiveness in the future.

    When someone can assault or steal and then act sad, and society says please forgive him, the victim is remorseful for being pushed to be victimized again by forgiving the guilty while the guilty is left free to do it again. And in those situations, it is very hard to truly forgive because the real cases of it are outnumbered by the false ones.

  5. dashingscorpio profile image87
    dashingscorpioposted 17 months ago


    I believe there are two basic reasons why it's hard to forgive.
    Many people believe by not forgiving they're somehow hurting the other person who betrayed them or took advantage of them.
    Others believe if they forgive it's the equivalent to giving them a "free pass" or makes themselves look "weak".
    The reality is forgiveness doesn't mean you have to pretend something never happened and go back to trusting them as  being a part of your inner circle.
    Forgiveness essentially means you've decided (not to let it dwell) on your mind anymore. You're letting it go and (moving on).
    When a creditor "forgives a debt" it doesn't mean they'll give him/her another loan! It just means they're no longer going to waste time and energy trying to collect. Essentially they've turned the page.
    The history of the event remains unchanged.

    1. rimbin profile image60
      rimbinposted 17 months agoin reply to this

      It is true if we forgive some one,they will take this as an advantage and repeat the same.But some persons feel sorry,shamed and they will never repeat

  6. Alphadogg16 profile image91
    Alphadogg16posted 17 months ago

    It takes true strength to forgive. I think it would be dependent on the person asking/needing forgiveness. If their behavior changed or the sincere effort was made to show empathy and deserve forgiveness, I think it would be easier.