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jump to last post 1-26 of 26 discussions (26 posts)

Would you leave your spouse if he/she only cheated once? Where do you draw the l

  1. COCOBEWARE profile image56
    COCOBEWAREposted 9 years ago

    Would you leave your spouse if he/she only cheated once? Where do you draw the line?

  2. Lisa HW profile image71
    Lisa HWposted 9 years ago

    One incident would be enough for me to end the relationship.  I wouldn't want to be bothered being in a relationship with someone who couldn't or wouldn't use a little self-control.

  3. Eaglekiwi profile image79
    Eaglekiwiposted 9 years ago

    Yes I would leave or insist he leave
    The trust would be broken.
    I just could not be bothered with those thoughts torturing me long term ,but thats me.
    Also I know the cheating is only the result of whats taken place in his mind already.
    It doesnt 'just happen' the seed was planted and watered ,til it sprung (so to speak)

  4. Superman05 profile image60
    Superman05posted 9 years ago

    I would likely leave my spouse. Once the trust is broken, how can it be regained? If a spouse is cheating, there are certainly larger issues than just the actual affair in the relationship.

  5. diogenes profile image73
    diogenesposted 9 years ago

    This is such a tough issue and I hope you have got over it, if you were the suffering spouse or partner.  For me - and it has happened - it would depend now on how solid the relationship had been and how long you had been together.  And I suppose the circumstances of the cheating: was drink involved; was it planned or spontaneous?  Did he or she confess and was there any behaviour on my part that could have caused my spouse to go off the straight and narrow?
    You know, humans put such a great stock on sexual faithfulness, perhaps to a fault, despite all the good reasons in its favor.  I kinda think forgiveness should figure pretty highly on the menu....

  6. BeautySpeaks profile image79
    BeautySpeaksposted 8 years ago

    While it's a tough question, it's an easy one to answer. No I wouldn't leave if it was only once. People make mistakes...even one's as major as this. I feel (especially if you are married) that people deserve a second chance in life...after all your basic wedding vows are based on the premise of "for better or for worse." yes it is painful, but everything in life isn't meant to be easy or pleasurable. the line is drawn when it happens a 2nd time (for me anyway). If I've been willing to forgive and to try and work it out, and you feel you have to cheat again, then I'm just not the person for you.

  7. WordsIexpress profile image56
    WordsIexpressposted 8 years ago

    I am a forgiving person. We would talk about the issue at hand and sort things out. I would find out what it was that drove her to want to cheat in the first place and if it had anything to do with me driving her away to do it, then we would correct it and solve it. If it had something to do with her, the same thing would be done. But to sit and communicate to solve the answers would be first and utmost. Forgiveness of the heart is a start to show how strong your love is for your partner. Scorn me once, forgiveness comes easy, scorn me twice, you better ask God. Trust can be regained, but it will take time and forgiveness. Both have to work on it, no matter who is at fault.

  8. Kebennett1 profile image61
    Kebennett1posted 8 years ago

    I really can't say for sure. I guess you don't know for sure unless you are in that situation. I would like to say, I would do the best I could to work on my marriage, forgive him and move forward, the problem is, once trust is broken it is hard to get back. I do believe that marriage is ordained by God and is meant to be until death does us part, but at the same time I do not believe anyone should suffer the physical and mental abuse of beatings, and repeated mistresses. It is hard for me to believe that God would expect a person to continue living in an abusive relationship. Conflicted. Once, I could probably handle, more....I don't think I could, or would. I still wonder though, would I always be suspecting him off cheating again? That is also a good way to ruin a marriage.

  9. Lee Geurts profile image57
    Lee Geurtsposted 8 years ago

    I have had it happen twice. (the first time I was married, the second time I was dating)  The first time I tried to tough it out and forgive.  I discovered after much wasted time that I was unable to move on.  The trust was broken.  The second time, I just ended it.  I knew I could not handle it. 

    I am not saying this is the correct answer.  I think each individual is different.  If I had been able to forgive I would have. 

    Trust is gained in inches, lost in miles.  Poor trust can put an incredible amount of strain on a relationship.

  10. profile image0
    theonlytriniposted 8 years ago

    you can really decided..
    different situations call for different actions..

  11. Queen_Kevyn95 profile image52
    Queen_Kevyn95posted 8 years ago

    you should leave your spouse immediately if they cheated on you!! one of you should leave, at least, because even if you think you still love them, THEY ARE NOT WORTH THAT PAIN if they is going to betray you that way.
    i suggest that you end it right away, because they'll just end up getting by with what they did and realizing that... "hey, i did it once, this person loves the hell outta me, so why not do it again?" they think they can get away with it. 
    prove them wrong!!

  12. manwhisperer profile image54
    manwhispererposted 8 years ago

    Depends on the relationship - sometimes you get pretty distant before that person moves on. Sounds harsh I know - but what if it was like in sex and the city with Miranda and Steve. She played a part in the situation. 
    The other thing is that if you can't forgive, then you have to move on. you have to know yourself well enough to understand this - there's no point being in a relationship where you're constantly worried about the other person cheating again. They say people cheat sometimes just because they're constantly accused of cheating.

  13. Volty profile image61
    Voltyposted 8 years ago

    Immediate divorce, even if kids are involved. There's no chance I'd ever want to go near that ---- again.

  14. Philsky profile image56
    Philskyposted 8 years ago

    cheating has many faces and i presume that all the answers here are pertaining to infidelity.. but you need to consider that impure thoughts without your parner is cheating (in a nutshell as lie is a lie is a lie)...
    Rather do it together, or if you actually love your partner enough.... you would not do that in the fist place,

    For me fogiveness is attainable under specific requisitons....
    1. weak from alcohol/drugs thus judgement is impaired
    2. they are so hot they burn - again we are weak

    Premeditated cheating .... as in prebooked times and places for sex ...etc is unforgivable...

    accidental cheating as in the above examples ... i am able to forgive

  15. lilmom0413 profile image53
    lilmom0413posted 8 years ago

    In my experience, once a cheater always a cheater. Just because you only caught them once does not mean it is the only time it has happened. I personally would not be able to trust them after one time. And further more I would have more respect for myself then that. I learned a long time ago the first and most important you should care about is yourself, then you are capable of properly care for others. However, outside of my opinion of the situation I know many couples have agreed to allow for intimate relations with others. Swinging is a very old but still some what common in relationships. It is said that these outside intimacies make the relationship stronger. This would obviously only work if it was a mutual agreement. Then not to forget that you would have to worry about weather or not the other person became attached and how that would affect your lives.

  16. profile image50
    fnadonposted 8 years ago

    I would like to say I would but am not 100% sure. An ongoing affair is far worse though a one night stand is bad as well. The thing is if your partner cheats and comes clean an feels bad, there is a chance you can work it out. If he comes clean that he has cheated twice, that is a different story. He obviously did not feel bad the first time. If this is the case, it is time to say good bye and move on.

  17. annb106 profile image58
    annb106posted 8 years ago

    Although many of us have stayed and given our mates the benefit of a doubt that they wouldn't do it again, but as we all know if it happened it will probably happen again. I remember my mother, God rest her soul telling me that my mate only cheated on me because I allowed it. I didn't understand what she meant but I realize that what she was saying was the first time that he did his dirt I should have walked and never looked back.
    Barbara

  18. profile image44
    blossom.66posted 8 years ago

    I used to think I would leave my spouse if he cheated on me, no matter what the reason.  Today after 18 years of marriage, a lot of connections, memories, and tragedies, I would have to really reconsider my stance.
    I think now I would have to look at the reasons and why it went in that direction and analyze what could have been done to prevent it.
    I cannot really say if I would divorce my spouse for a one time incident.  I believe now we have such a bond and a lifetime of companionship, that something would have to really be wrong in our relationship in order for him to cheat.
    Some men however, are just plain dogs, and would cheat even if their wives were the best women on earth.  That is not my situation, but I know women who are in that situation, and some men just cheat because they can.  Those are the men that should be left!

  19. profile image0
    reeltaulkposted 8 years ago

    Why cheat to begin with, especially if this is your spouse.  Now if you two have some type of agreement regarding having an open relationship, then it is acceptable.  But deceiving as disrespecting your spouse id a NO NO.  You should have stayed single and continue to date at your leisure.  Marrying as well as committing to an individual consist of maturity as well as a host of other things.  Grow Up!  or find a relationship that suits your needs.  THere are plenty of men and women who are acceptable of open relationships, even though they are married

  20. pageantgirl31413 profile image81
    pageantgirl31413posted 8 years ago

    It depends on the situation. If my husband did it, since we have kids, I would suggest trying to fix it. However, if kids weren't in the equation, It would be enough for me to end it.

  21. huck tooey profile image59
    huck tooeyposted 8 years ago

    .I Coud never stay with someone who could show me such disrespect and have so little for themselves. Without trust you have nothing. ONCE A CHEAT ALWAYS A CHEAT

  22. akirchner profile image96
    akirchnerposted 8 years ago

    Once is enough - I agree - most people who cheat are REPEAT offenders and there is no other way of putting that, male or female.  I would never be able to tolerate someone who cheated on me pure and simple.  It is a matter of honor and if you don't have honesty between you, what do you have?  I always think that people who cheat on other people have so many problems on so many levels and it is quite clear why they do...low self-esteem or a need for the "thrill" - whatever it is if it is not healed/fixed, it will repeat itself!

  23. phoenixarizona profile image67
    phoenixarizonaposted 8 years ago

    I walked in on my ex- husband cheating on me. He was literally having sex with another woman on my lounge room floor. He told me it wasn't what it looked like and she claimed she did not know he was married (mind you lived three doors down and was in the room where our wedding photos and photos of our children were hung up.
    My reaction? I shoved my ex through a window. The other woman ran and refused to come near my house.
    I walked out on my ex husband and have never ever regretted that decision. It NEVER happens only once. This act is also surrounded by lies and sometimes abuse.
    Once they have cheated they ended the relationship. They proved themselves to be untrusworthy and more importantly unworthy of your love, support and the precious moments that we get to have in our lifetimes. Surely you would want to share those moments with someone who truly loves you?

  24. xmaki profile image51
    xmakiposted 7 years ago

    Yes, because relationships are based on respect. And when one cheats in a relationship they are disrespecting their spouse.

  25. profile image46
    muddle<34posted 7 years ago

    no. i would make him leave.
    cheating is a major no-no. do it once and ur gone! lol

  26. profile image0
    CJ Sledgehammerposted 6 years ago

    It is not that I am not commited to marriage, but breaking one's oath of fidelity renders the marital bond obsolete.

    How can the offending party ever be trusted again? Trust and faithfulness are the foundations of marrige. Without them, there is no foundation and without a foundation there is nothing to build upon.

 
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