Why is love never enough? Is it really that hard for you to see past all your do

  1. Cecili Anne profile image60
    Cecili Anneposted 18 months ago

    Why is love never enough? Is it really that hard for you to see past all your doubts?

    It's about to be two years of being with him , we have had our ups and downs but I have never cheated on him despite what he may think. He tries so hard to find something that makes it seem as if I am hidding the truth from him it doesn't matter what I do to reasure him he always finds away. I am starting to believe this insecurity will never go away.

  2. Ashish Dadgaa profile image56
    Ashish Dadgaaposted 18 months ago

    Dear Cecili,

    One of the things I discovered as a former family law attorney is that love by itself is never enough to have a relationship work. The divorce courts are full of people who love each other.

    For example, what good is my love for you if I treat you lousy? It’s worthless. If I want our relationship to work, I need to make sure you feel loved. It’s the experience of love that makes the difference.

    So, what creates the experience of love? The experience of love is created by giving the gift of acceptance and appreciation.

    Notice how you feel when someone genuinely accepts and appreciates you. Doesn't this feel good? Of course it does. You feel better about yourself and better about life. You also feel better about the other person.

    The same thing happens when you accept and appreciate someone else. That person automatically feels better about life and better about you. By giving acceptance and appreciation, you create the experience of love.

    Now notice how you feel when someone is non-accepting and critical toward you. Instantly, the experience of love disappears. You get hurt and upset. You put up your walls of protection and automatically resist the person who is non-accepting toward you.

    The same thing happens when you are non-accepting toward someone else. That person gets upset, puts up his or her walls of protection and automatically becomes critical and resentful toward you.

    Then you get hurt. Your walls of protection get stronger and you become even more judgmental and critical of the other person. Then the other person gets more upset and becomes more critical of you.

    Without knowing, you create a cycle of conflict, a cycle of hurting, attacking and withdrawing from each other. This cycle then goes on and on without either person ever noticing his or her role in the problem. It’s this cycle of conflict that creates the suffering in relationships.

    To end the cycle of conflict, or to make sure it never starts, you need to make sure the other person feels loved accepted and appreciated. This is the key to having any relationship work.

    Unfortunately, this is much easier said than done. Some people are very difficult to accept. Fortunately, acceptance is nothing more than surrendering to the truth. The people in your life are exactly the way that they are, whether you like it or not.

    Regards,
    Ashish

  3. dashingscorpio profile image88
    dashingscorpioposted 18 months ago

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    "I have never cheated on him despite what he may think. He tries so hard to find something that makes it seem as if I am hiding the truth from him it doesn't matter what I do to reassure him he always finds a way." Sounds like there are two possible things going on here.
    1. He's cheating on you or has done so.
    Oftentimes when someone is "doing dirt" they tend to suspect their mate might be doing whatever it is that he or she is doing.
    2. He's insecure and doesn't trust you.
    If someone doesn't trust you it's impossible for them to truly (love) you. Rarely if ever will someone be "all in" with someone they don't trust! Essentially if you find yourself jumping through hoops to prove your love for them time and time again.
    A sucker believes that they will eventually be able to get such a person to {finally} relax and trust them. They accept the challenge.
    The truth of the matter is he's waiting for you to prove he's right!
    Most people would rather be right than be happy.
    People only change when (they) are unhappy.
    Lastly some folks use accusations to manipulate and control their mates. As long as you're "walking on eggshells" (in their mind) it means you care. Your stress and worry gives them comfort.
    "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
    - Oscar Wilde
    If someone accuses you of being a liar, cheater, or untrustworthy they clearly don't think (you) are all that "special".
    In order for him to be "the one" he'd have to see (you) as being "the one". No one really believes a liar/cheater is "the one".

 
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