How do you ensure your child doesn't resent a new man in your life?

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  1. Nancy Olewe profile image61
    Nancy Oleweposted 21 months ago

    How do you ensure your child doesn't resent a new man in your life?

  2. dandelionweeds profile image76
    dandelionweedsposted 21 months ago

    I think it depends on the situation such as if you were recently divorced or separated and the age of your child, oh an sometimes also the sex of the child.  If they are pre-teen or teenagers it will be much harder then if they are little.  If they are little a gift upon the first meeting would be a good idea.  If they are teenagers then it will take time. If you are always with the boyfriend they will be jealous and angry with you. It can't be forced with teenagers, also he shouldn't have any authority whatsoever in discipline matters. Hope this helps a bit.

    1. Nancy Olewe profile image61
      Nancy Oleweposted 21 months agoin reply to this

      Nice input. Well said. Dealing with little children seems easier than teenagers.

    2. Cre8tor profile image100
      Cre8torposted 21 months agoin reply to this

      Agreed but not on discipline. That depends on age too but he has to have SOME authority. If the children are respectful already & you & he are a good match, this won't likely be a big issue. Don't push him out by not allowing him to be "in".

  3. savvydating profile image94
    savvydatingposted 21 months ago

    Introduce him slowly and at brief intervals, in the beginning. Also, do not allow him to spend the night when the children are there. This is their home, not his.

    1. Cre8tor profile image100
      Cre8torposted 21 months agoin reply to this

      I agree that taking things slow in the beginning is good but this is HER home and life and her children should also understand that their mother is to be happy as well and that means she may want to share her life with other than her children.

    2. savvydating profile image94
      savvydatingposted 21 months agoin reply to this

      Yes, but spending the night is disrespectful to the children. No mother should do that. It's confusing for children, especially if things don't work out. And I am not suggesting that Nancy is doing this.

  4. Cre8tor profile image100
    Cre8torposted 21 months ago

    Well there's no way to insure anything of this nature but to create an environment conducive to a positive outcome is certainly possible. First, I grew up with multiple step parents from both sides and am now one myself...and the "new man" as it is. For me, the boy was young and really only remembers living with me in this role. That said, we always had open discussions about the structure of our family, the fact that we didn't plan it this way when they were born, and that picking sides isn't necessary. It's worked well and with not so amicable people on the other side. In the end, our children had/have love, stability, and we never pushed to hard one way or the other on the whole "daddy" thing. My stepson has been under my roof as well as my son to my wife  for over 15 years and they still call us by our first names. At the ages they were introduced to this, it would've been very easy to achieve "mom" and "dad" status by why? Pressure and confuse them even more? (again, keep in mind I was a stepchild and experience both the good and bad from the situation)

    I think a lot of this will depend on how the children were raised prior to the divorce or breakup or.... If a child is raised in a bubble and never shown that life isn't always what we want it to be, this will be difficult. If they were raised to be respectful and aware that life has it's difficult moments, you'll be fine. Just keep open and honest conversation going and don't over pressure the whole thing.

 
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