My mother was extremely abusive growing up and I'm so terrified I'm going to be

1. 52

   Liz20102017posted 7 years ago

   My mother was extremely abusive growing up and I'm so terrified I'm going to be like her.
   
   I grew up in a household with a single mother she's also a psych nurse.i spent most of my life walking on eggshells
   She's very is controlling and now she's in control of everything in my life. As I try to break away from her and continues to get worse. Im starting to noticed how treat my daughter isn't quite right. I am so worred about her failing school even tho she is a b+ student. I know I need to back off and give her kind encouragement but I don't feel like I know how. I'm so terrified of being like her making the same mistakes.

   replyreport
2. 72

   jjackson786posted 7 years ago

   I'm sorry that you're going through this, Liz. I too grew up with an abusive parent and it isn't easy to break away from that past trauma. I don't know the specifics of your circumstances, but I would say that you daughter comes first if you want to break that cycle of abuse. She needs to be in a healthy environment, surrounded by supportive people, and it doesn't sound like your mother is a positive source of support right now. Have you explored the option of getting your daughter into counseling so that she can talk about some of these issues freely and without fear of judgment?
   
   I can tell that you care about your daughter deeply. I hope that this situation works out the best way for you both.

   replyreport
3. 71

   dashingscorpioposted 7 years ago

   
   
   You said:
   "She's very is controlling and now she's in control of everything in my life."
   If you are grown, independent, and self reliant you are FREE!
   You get to (choose) who you spend your time with.
   Just because someone is related to you doesn't mean they are allowed to mistreat you. As for behaving like your mother towards your daughter. Everyone finds them self saying or doing things their parents did when they become parents.
   It was the only real insight to parenting they had.
   One has to (choose) to "work" on them self to break such cycles.
   Give yourself credit for acknowledging you've behaved in a similar manner. There are lots of books and courses available for helping you with this.

   replyreport