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I'm in a relationship great single 49 yo Dad for 6 months. We are exclusive and I have met his...
4...yo daughter several times but I'm not really included much in their lives. I have a great 22 yo son so I understand the single parent. my dilema; I haven't been to his house when she' there and it bothers me that I'm not a really included in his EVERY weekend custody arrangement (he works 5 days a wk & has daughter EVERY weekend!!) He's over compensating & I feel like an outsider, low on the priority list. I love him & he does me but how long should I wait to be included or how can I help make it esier? I'm frustrated w the situation but I don't want to give up on the man I love. HELP!
Unfortunately you have to have to wait for as long as it takes before he feels comfortable. He is actually being very sensible in ensuring your relationship is serious before introducing you to his daughter. I am not saying he doesn't love you, just that he is putting his daughter first. If his weekend access is the only time he see's her then he will want that time to be about them. When he is certain your relationship is serious, I am sure he will introduce you both. He sounds like a sensible man, doing what is right for his daughter. Good Luck xx
Does his ex stay when his daughter comes? Or does he not want his ex to see you there when she drops her off and picks her up? Even if he has no issues like this with the mother of his child, it sounds like the relationship isn't working for you. If you can't get him to compromise and include you in his life of a weekend after six months of dating it might be time to move on and find someone you can cuddle up to during the weekend.
Maybe just having a conversation about your concerns and maybe making it clear you are willing to spend time with him and the daughter at home instead of leaving her with a sitter and doing your own thing. She is four surely she does go to bed at a reasonable time giving you both time to be together in the evening.
It all depends on how much of selfishness, calculativeness, possessiveness etc are interwoven in this would-be relationship and how far the other person is able to grasp, digest and react to the play of these emotional issues post-marriage.
As a single mom I would say you are asking alot. He is being a good FATHER and putting is child first. His child is only 4 and your child is grown. BIG difference. I have two small children and it takes at least 6 months before someone even meets my children let alone enters my home. You said yourself he is a great guy. A great guy is going to protect his child and do what is in her best interest. You will not be allowed into the home until he feels you will be a stable and permeant fixture in their life. Until that time. you need to chill out and be patient or move on. If you try to make a parent choose between their child and a relationship, 9 times out of 10 the child will win that battle. Relationships come and go. You must remember you are replaceable and his daughter is not. SHE is the main woman in his life and should ALWAYS be. Even if you two were to marry I would hope YOU would develop the same thinking that the children are first.
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