what am i going to do?

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   asteyah_mitchposted 15 years ago

   me and my boyfriend is to much in-love to each other as i thought we are...our relationship walks harmoniously until the time we talk about marriage...
   
   he wants us to live together without marriage.. he want family with me but out of marriage. it's upset me coz i dreamed to get married and have a happy family.. im afraid of the consequences having a bastard kids someday. i don't want my future kids blame me why i put them into situation like that.
   
   i asked him why he can't marry me and he told me that he's afraid that he will lost again of what he have now..just then i realized and know the real reason why he think of like that..
   
   he was married by then...but the marriage he have was not working well. after that they went off marriage and he was left with nothing...he lost his houses and money..he's living in the street for years...and by the time after many years of recovering he no longer believe in marriage and dont want to get marriage....

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      shazwellynposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Well with what he has experienced is it any wonder?
      
      You dont have to have a certificate to be together nowadays.  It is deemed today in western society as socially acceptable.  Are you religious?  If so, then I can understand the importance to you.
      
      What you have t weigh up is whether marriage means enough to you vs potentially losing the relationship.  If marriage means more... move to a single life and start again with someone else.  He might come around and marry you cos he doesnt want to lose you, but the threat has to be real and carried through. 
      
      If your relationship means more... then stay with him and accept the reality.  Which ever way... move on.
      
      Hope this helps x

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         asteyah_mitchposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         thanx for the best...
         
         i already do what you suggest...i give him up but he kept on following me coz as what he said he can't afford to lose me..and almost he will give up what he believe for...he think of marrying me but asking some agreement that i may give up my individual right when we got married that of  he will get what he wants... with such thing what he as is this...
         
         if he married me, he will get what he  want, when he want...sort of forcing you

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2. 61

   theirishobserver.posted 15 years ago

   I think that marrage is a big step for anyone. I also think that while your boyfriedn may have been hurt before he may be using that to saty away from committment. if you read my hub broken love you will see that I know something about this subject. My girlfriend whom I have been with now for five years wants to get married, I on the other hand would rather wait until I win the lottery first so that I can give her s fine day out. However, it is clearly something that she really wants, and because I love her very much, I dont think that it is too much to ask. If your boyfriedn wants to make a committment to you he will, hemust not be allowed to hide behind the mask of hurt, time to move on, if he is going to continue to bring the past into your relationship then you may want to move on. Love is kind and love is cruel, dont come out on the cruel end of it. Yours sincerely, Dr Phil..

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      Sa Toyaposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Loving the  Dr. Phil touch

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   lyricsingrayposted 15 years ago

   lose the notion of marriage being important and chill and have a good time.

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      Mishaposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      ditto

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   theirishobserver.posted 15 years ago

   Hello Sa Toya, where do you be always watching out for you on the threads.....

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5. 69

   TINA Vposted 15 years ago

   Marriage is a lifetime commitment to each other.  It entails responsibilities and sacrifices.  If your boyfriend loves you, then he would be willing to take the risk of marrying you.  It is a two-way process.  You must be both willing to give out and take in something.  Nobody should be more dominant or submissive than the other.  He might have been hurt but past is past.  You are the present and possibly his future. You will still both encounter problems within your married life.  However, you can both go to a marriage counselor and attend church together.  Its different if along your way, somebody guides you in building a stronger relationship.
   
   Goodluck!

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   Cagsilposted 15 years ago

   I am not sure how or if this will help, however, I've written a Hub about "Why Relationships Are Ruined" the title is actually "Make a Relationship Succeed".
   
   I've already written a poem about "Marriage".
   
   You are more than welcome to read them both and see if they can help you with your decision.
   
   That is the best I can offer.
   
   I am posting the links to both(not self-promotion).
   
   http://hubpages.com/hub/Why-Relationships-Are-Ruined
   http://hubpages.com/hub/A-Poem-You-Wont … se-part-13
   
   I hope you find your answers.

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