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When I’m out with my friends and having a good time a lot of people say that I come off cocky because I know how good I am at things, and how beautiful I am. When I am home alone I can’t help but to think the exact opposite. If I were to undress myself and look in the mirror, I can tell you now I would not like what I see. When I look at myself I see fat, scars, and anything else there could possibly be wrong. I can’t help but to ask the question, do other girls see their self the same way or do they have confidence? People tend to judge themselves based on other people standers and what other people look like. Forgetting that everyone’s body is different. Yet I still will say that I look ugly. When I am with a man, in the bedroom I can honestly say that most of the time I will be dressed or it will be dark enough so that they can’t see me. There is one extremely huge scar on the middle of my stomach, which a lot of people like to call it a battle wound. To me it’s just another insecurity. Every time I see it I can’t help but to think of every one else’s perfect, flat, scar free stomach. A guy has never told me that they wouldn’t be with me because of a scar but to me that doesn’t matter. When I grew up I was always sick, and I had the best friend ever. The biggest problem was that she was absolutely beautiful (which is not a bad thing). She had the “perfect” body, skinny, tan, blonde hair and beautiful eyes. Knowing that I already felt like an outcast because I was always sick but now I’m second best (at least in my eyes). Time moved forward and we stayed friends till this day, but starting in middle school things turned for me. We got into the boy phase, where we started liking boys. Of course she had the best guys and everyone I was interested in liked her. I love my best friends and I wouldn’t change them for the world, but with every guy thought the last 10 years built on me. After being in an abusive (emotionally) relationship not naming anyone, my mind is just convinced that I will always be 2nd best if not worse. How did I get so low on myself? How do I fix it? That’s just some of the things that go through my head everyday. My judgments on how I look will not change. I don’t know if I will ever be happy with the way I look. How do you change something that took so long to create? I just wish and hope that one day I will like me for who I am, not they way I viewed myself in the past.
There's an excellent hubber you might read, Sage Williams. She has a series on Hummingbird therapy that is really helping me.
I have a scar on my nose, and one bigger than my hand on my right thigh, it's horrible. No man has ever seen it except Dr's. Not because of the dark. Since my surgery on my nose I haven't been socially active. I was going to get that scar reduced, but then I got hit by a truck, and the scar on my leg is just so huge, the scar on my nose keeps me safe from approach. I don't have to worry any man will ever get close enough to see my leg.
Now I have found Sage Williams, and her Hummingbird Therapy makes me feel better, somehow. It is probably only a bandaid, until I actually get hummingbird feeders, but until then... give her hubs a try.
You are not the scar that you see, you are the person within and you shine through for me. I did not see your scar as you wrote, I saw a very vunerable woman who is just looking on the outside. We mirror ourselves in our friends and others around us and they do the same with us. They see you as beautiful and fun to be with so look within and see the wonder of being the individual that you are and close your eyes and visualise how amazing that is. Beauty is all that you are so be happy that you are unique and therefore very special.
by hunnybunny7838 years ago
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