What is the best way to deal with constant negativity?
Whether at home, in relationships, at work?
A very impotant question. On your behalf, or someone elses? I'm a reformed negator. But its taken years for me to drop the negativity. Fom what i've learned of myself and others.... Turn of the news. Reduce debt. Change the diet. Sugar, Coffee, etc. Limit self compromise, while taking other's into consideration.
Do not feed another's negativity be constantly pointing out that they are being negative. In the workplace.... Walk away!
By standing firm to your own optimism with a smile. I have this in my life daily with someone I will never leave behind. I used to battle her over it but I saw that it only made things worse for her. Now, I try to lead by example more. I do not get upset when she asks my advice and never listens. I pray, a lot, since I know that I won't be the one to save her. Finally, I take breaks.
I am human after all and negativity breeds and spreads so when I need a break, I take it.
I liked your question. I guess the healthier and more mature I become the more I know who I want to be around and who I don't. I have slowly weeded out the people in my life that just don't bring me some kind of joy and happiness. I also find if I enter the day with a positive attitude, I am treated differently than if I was depressed or complaining. I am not saying that someone needs to be happy and joyful all the time. I just am aware now of how my behavior and others affects peoples lives. There are days for me that it is just too much effort to put forth a happy face and I believe accepting shows loving acceptance of myself no matter what and that in turn makes me happier more often than not. Thanks for the question. It would be great if more people thought about this and could change just one thing today for the better, even if it is just holding a door open for a stranger or smiling instead of avoiding someone you walk by...
For many of us life is joke, like ourselves. But being serious now, life can be disheartening when we have to face our daily problems, that seem to amount to something and never slows down. We have this mental tunnel effect, and we want so bad to see the light at the other side. People around us might not even understand us, and that makes it worse read more
I broke up with her. That was the only way out. She started out sweet, but after 6 and a half years, she was a giant ball of negativity and there was literally nothing I could do to change that or make her happy. It was like my very presence just made her angry. Not a good feeling. Once I realized that this was nothing I did, nor my fault in any way shape or form and was all her and she did not want to change, I ended things.
On a positive note, one of my friends became self aware that he was a negative person as he realized he was the affecting the relationships around him. He has since made a conscious effort not to be -- and he much more pleasant to hang out with now.
It's not fun being around negative people. As far as the behavior being altered or fixed, It really depends on the individual though. As for dealing with it, I always like to be understanding and kind, and not add fuel to the fire. Take a step back, let them cool down and continue.
You don't need to act like nothing happened, but be understanding of say an outburst or an event where the negativity runs thick. Never push an issue -- if they don't want to talk about it, that will probably only make it worse. Leave that to professional therapists or psychiatrists. Ultimately, if they can't change behavior and it's too hard to put up with. you need to leave that toxic relationship.
That is hard isn't it? Park McCants has some excellent suggestions. I think that quite often being negative is a habit. I have had times when I am particularly negative and if my kids or husband point it out, I find that I wasn't feeling negative when I was acting that way - in fact I just thought I was being observant!
It is definitely a bad habit so I would suggest if it is a work situation, as Park says, walk away because negativity is more contagious than the flu! If it is at home I would sit down and have a gentle conversation with the person.
It that does not work you will have to learn to ignore it I guess until they want to change it.
I have to tell a story - I work with THE MOST NEGATIVE woman on the planet. One day someone in our little building slipped on the ice and we needed an ambulance and there was a lot of blood - very chaotic. As the ambulance was helping the injured person outside the therapist whose office it was literally looked at me and said, "This just isn't my day!"
I just looked at her, stunned. She is negative and makes everything about her. And frankly I just have to ignore it or I'd whack her on her noggin!
Victoria, may I inject? The way that I deal with constant negativity in MY HOME, or rather from a family member of MINE, outside my home via the phone most everyday is just listening to their "carousel of lies" they make up about people, including myself, for their marriage going bad and it was not their fault. They want me to join them in their bitter hatred from their "ex." Although I do not personally condone their former marital partner for what he did, and it wasnt mental or physical abuse, but commit, according to her, numerous one-night stands, I am not anyone's judge for the hereafter. I tell them, focus on yourself and what good you can do with your life. Your negative comments are only making YOU feel worse. I try to do this but sometimes they overcome me with their high-pitched screaming and raging . . .Ive suggested professional help and therapy, but they have too much pride. I suggested that their minister counsel her, but she refuses. So I am out of advice. Just endure this when she calls.
I have to say there are some very good answers already here and I couldn't add to the thoughts. I agree that some people seem to be prone to the emotional outlet of venting and expressing themselves in this manner. It makes for a stressful relationship. Perhaps it is dietary needs, health issues or environmental surroundings. You just never know what is really behind the negativity. We on the receiving end must either adjust, ignore or walk away. We can offer our sympathy, listen at times but chronic negativity needs therapy. Pray for them!
Kill em with positivity.
Don't give them the attention they obviously seek.
Just trust the Lord. Be thankful for the blessings you've received and what you will still receive. Have faith that He knows better than you do, and ask for guidance for every opportunity that manifests.
In times of despair, pray.
This is going to be my shortest anwer ever.......The best way that I've found to deal with "constant negativity," is respond with constant positivity. Eventually, their light bulb goes on!
The author's way of dealing with negativity is to eliminate it from his life, and that includes negative people. read more
When at all possible eliminate that negativity from your life. Everyone should be responsible for the energy they bring in your space. You are responsible for continuing to allow that energy to occupy your space.
Your question is very timely for me, because I have a family member who has been acting up for the past month. She has managed to rattle every member of the family--except for me. I don't put up with negative crap from anybody. When the drama begins, this is when I take my stand. I will say, "I am only telling you this once, and I will not mention this again." And I explain to the person why I find the behavior so negative. After that, I ignore it. Again and again, I have found that I not longer have to remind the person of their negative behavior.
When you are a writer or pursue any type of creative projects, you will find that an overwhelming negativity in your life can shut down your ability to create. I am a highly creative individual, and I protect myself from the negative behavior of others. I value myself and the creative process within me, so I will always put myself first.
I always try to tell a person the brighter side of life. If we threw all our problems in a pile, I bet more then half of us would grab ours back once seeing others. Life is short, enjoy each day and be grateful for who and what is around you.
At work, I used to remind those making negative comments that the job was tough enough itself, and negativtiy was making it even more difficult. I would often speak of the power of positive thinking and how it creates an environment conducive to success.
At home, I remind my family to count their blessings instead of complaining about things that might not be going their way at that time. "Things could always be worse" is a phrase I use to counter negativity on the home front.
Oh god - Avoid it whenever possible.
In relationships, though, there are different types of negativity. Some, like jdflom's ex, seem pretty incurable and probably need to work some stuff out - which in most cases can be best done with a professional, not the long-suffering partner. Sometimes it's just a question of listening - maybe establish from the second Neggy opens his mouth whether or not he wants advice or would just like to vent for a minute - and then set a time limit and let 'er rip.
I have been known to let close friends etc. know when the balance tips from the occasional gripe to nonstop negativity, and just how much of that I'm willing to listen to. A little self-awareness goes a long way, and if it's something specific that's been irking and causing all the negativity, we can usually find a solution, or at least get to the point where there's a recognized problem that, if it can't be dealt with, will only be accorded 15 weekly minutes of vent-time. If *I'm* the griper, I've found that not being allowed to dwell overmuch helps me get my life back a bit, so I think it's a pretty good system.
Tough question. I know it sounds silly, obnoxious to some, unrealistic at times, frowned on by some, unrealistic by others, and on and on, but I smile. And, I do the utmost that I can to have a genuine smile. I am not able to sometimes, but I smile. Sometimes the person get'n down on you gets angrier, but I smile as as I can.
Now, that is a recent development in my life by a few years. One day I passed the mirror in the living room and noticed I appeared to be frowning, but I wasn't - you know what I mean? I decided then to start smiling. A friend, a nutritionist, at her forum, and I spoke on it wondering how long to correct the frown by smiling all the time. I dun'no, but I do know since beginning, well, I find it easier to stay positive or up, so to speak, I see the humor with whatever more often, and even though I am bipolar and familiar with depression, the first line of defense is smiling.
(edit: Long sentence whew, no time to correct
The best way is to replace each negative thought with a positive one - this is not my own idea but a quote from the book "The monk who sold his Ferrari" by Robin Sharma.
I'm reading a lot of good answers here, however, I don't think anybody has mentioned that a loved one may be stricken with DEPRESSION. Sometimes a person can be so off kilter in their brain chemistry that they can't function well with others, screaming, negative thoughts etc.
If you love someone its worth a try to check it out.
If that isn't the case, well for me it would be goodbye because I'm with everybody else on here. I can't take drama or negativity AT ALL. I run from it. I limit my human contact because of it.
At work, negativity from another is a no brainer. Don't go to lunch with people like that, don't go out after work with them and smile and endure at the office. Eventually your great personality will win out over their bad one and they will move on.
Not an easy one. Life can change people but that doesn't mean that we just drop them like an old coat. Sometimes the person we married a long time ago is not the same person we see today by our side. When the man I loved took up listening to negative radio talk shows, he eventually became a bitter person. The smile that used to light up a room turned into a dark cloud. He passed away almost five years ago, and believe it or not I only dwell on the good memories, not the negativity, even if the latter was prevalent for most of our 37 years of marriage. How did I deal with it? It was extremely difficult but, since divorce was out of the question, I stopped watching soap operas and took up reading humorous books instead, that deal with difficult relationships and situations in ways that made me smile, rather than arouse self-pity (see Erma Bombeck, and others). I turned a deaf ear to "hate" talk, whether on TV, the radio, family members, relatives or visiting friends. Life is hard enough as it is, without piling up negativity on it. I chose to surround my inner and outer space with light (God, positive thoughts), rather than darkness. I didn't give anyone the power to rob me of the happiness that is within me. It worked for me, but then again, each case is different.
This article looks at ways to cope when it seems that you are surrounded by negativity at home or at work. read more
One must first take the difficult step of examining themselves to determine if and what role they are playing that contributes to the negative and toxic environments. Make necessary adjustments and changes based on your self-examination. The next step is to remove negative individuals from your circles where possible. Thirdly, those that you cannot remove, then you avoid them at all cost. If you must encounter them; kill them with kindness. People sometimes find it hard to remain negative when others around them are exuding positivity. Don't allow the toxicity of others to cause you to become negative or bitter. Choose not to receive their negativity nor be impacted by it. See it, don't see it; hear it, don't hear it; but don't let it suck you in. You do not have to accept every invitation that others try to send your way.
Suggestions and ideas for maintaining positivity and dealing with negativity, whether the negativity arises within ourselves or is directed at us by other people read more
When I run into a negative person, which by the way is often, I listen to them respectfully without internalizing what they are saying and then I mirror what they said back to them. "WOW your day has been horrible!" Then I say something like, "But just think you survived, or came through..." Then I ask them to tell me three things that are positive about the situation or the person. Most times they can't so I offer my own positive spin.
At work I have asked coworkers not to bring negativity to my desk. I will be there for them to vent, but if there isn't a fix for the issue or problem, I ask them not to continue talking to me about it.
I can sympathize, but will not be a part of the circle of negativity. Stuff happens, I look for the lesson or see it as a bump in the road and move on. Life is too short and beautiful to keep looking at the negative side of things.
Also what I find is that people who are negative have made it a habit and are not living in the moment. They live in fear of what might be or has been. Sad really. They will continue to have negative things happen over and over because it is what they are focused on and continually manifesting.
Have compassion for them...and keep them in your thoughts and prayers.
Go with heart then think with mind to deal this problem. Going negative to a negative response can make the situation more worse. These maths equation can help you in remembering the correct way to respond to a negative behavior.
minus (Negative response) responded by minus(Negative response) result in plus (Adds to the negativity).
minus (Negative response) responded by plus (positive response) or vice versa result in minus (Reduces the negativity).
Even last equation plus times plus equals plus follows in our real life.
Also try to be honest and truth full to yourself and to the situation or response
What the heck difference does it make if I give you an answer to this query??? Nobody's going to listen to me, anyway!!!!!
Case and point, if someone says : life is horrible , it is a hopeless world,the world is nothing but a waste, i'll say: that is today but tomorrow is onother day and it will be a better day ,just wait and see. then I will say. Let's go get coffee and hang out. My treat.Or i will divert the conversation to something positive like hey, did you know that there will be a raise in our pay ? or our earned vacation time has been increased by the company, isn't that wonderful? It has worked for me a few times.
That's a neat way to deal with it. I'll say, too, that the people around you are lucky to have you! I bet you turn around a lot of negative moods!
Thank you victoria lynn, Yes it sure does the trick but not always.LOL! Even then, still a lot better to be the role model for being positive than the negative.Can't go wrong with being positive, can't you?
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