When enough is enough?

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   litsabdposted 12 years ago

   Many times in our lives we have crossed our limits, yet we went on staying in a situation that seems to asphyxiate us...either at work, or family...in different kind of relationships..
   
   When do we know that the time has come...to turn to a different page in life...and close the door behind us?
   
   When do we find the strength to move on and take the next big step for a new life...?
   
   How do we leave behind, ghosts from the past that have been hunting us for years not letting us enjoy what life is all about : its moments ?
   

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      goldengirl88posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I wish i knew, id like to think everyone has there breaking point and eventually we will gain the strenght to leave a situation when it turns ugly or if starts to hurt as too much.
      
      I dont think we ever escape our ghosts we just learn different coping mechanism for dealing with them.
      
      I am personally struggling right now with letting go and realising i cannot control the situation or what happens in the future.

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         mom101posted 12 years agoin reply to this

         golden, good luck. I left a 23 year marriage. In my head, I couldn't take it any more. Anger. Hurt feelings. A host of feelings.
         
         The struggle of letting go? I still find myself in the arena.

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            litsabdposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Thank you too mom101 for answering , your opinions mean a lot to me. Talking with people having the same problem makes me feel I have get over it somehow. Be blessed and strong.

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         litsabdposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you goldengirl88 for your reply. I have been dealing with ghosts from the past myself too. Mine are a bit different than yours...they are the dreams I made and the life I thought I would have with my spouse. We have changed so much that we have nothing to do with who we were 17 years ago and life is so different for each other. Letting go...that's what must be done...life is not over...thanks again...

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      god and humanityposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      There can not be any 'enough' of anything as long life continues. Yes, your feelings are pertinent only to greed and wants. With regard to any other thing there can not be any end, for life comes  to an end.   Particularly in relationships, there can be no saturation. Just, rethink and come again.

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         litsabdposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I agree with you god and humanity, that life continues. The point is what quality do we have in it with the one we chose to marry. If there are situations that cause depressions, health problems due to psycologican stress and if it does harm do yoyr children, then life must continue elsewhere I think.
         Thank you for your different perspective on the situation. Apreciate it.

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   goldengirl88posted 12 years ago

   Thanks mom101. My head and by body cannot take it anymore, problem is the heart wont let go!  i dont know how you survived 23 years.
   Sometimes it not the holding on, but the letting go that makes us strong.

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      mom101posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      The first 11 years was ok. then we had a son, and he didnt want kids and was severely jealous of him. This is common in a lot of cases, but, when God made me a mother, he placed in my hands the responsibility of raising a child. My husband and I ran a successful business, that we both enjoyed. We worked great together. When it was just he and I, we got along great.His jealousy just got the better of me. Little things he did, they just kept adding up to the point of me walking one day.
      
      Heres the straw that broke the camels back. It was mothers day and my birthday falls right close to that day as well. My son, wanted to take me to the movies and go out to eat. He didn't want to go with us. So, my son, mom, a friend and her 2 kids and myself headed to the movies to watch the first showing of the movie, ok, they were sold out of tickets for the first show and we got tickets for the next showing, we went to eat came back to movie, watched the movie and went home. We were about an hour late getting back, it was around 830 or 9oo when we got home. Not late at all. When we went inside, he pretended to be in bed and we were quiet. My son was sitting on the couch playing a handheld game with the volume turned off, and I was watching a gospel singing with the volume extremely low. He gets up, grabs the game out of my sons hand, slings it down our hall, it lodges in the wall, and then he slams the tv and breaks the phone. My son, probably 9 gets scared at this point, and we go to bed, son asks to sleep in my bed, I say ok, and I cuddled up to him. In an effort to relax his mind, I tickled him. He laughs. Husband brings belt and spanks both of us. I am not joking or lying. I said enough is enough. I got dressed, my son got dressed and we walk out the door. Have not been back since. Love, it does not go away.

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         goldengirl88posted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Hi mom101
         How do you deal with still loving him, but not being with him! its the best thing for you i can see that and you are obviously a strong woman, but how do you do it?
         And you are obviously an amazing mom, i can tell that is why you left in someways because you love your child and did not want him to suffer or to think that behaviour was acceptable, very selfless of you, especially in a time when so many parents are so consummed by there own selfishness holding on to  relationships that are ultimately hurting there chidlren, but because they love there partner they put up with all kinds of unacceptable behaviour.

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   thooghunposted 12 years ago

   I went through this recently myself but enough time has passed to reflect on how tearing myself away was truly beneficial to my life -- despite loving her immensely. Here are a few alarm bells that I failed to notice until I was given the time to detox and become objective again.
   
   - When routine dims our passion.
   - When we become addicted to pain without realizing it.
   - When we no longer grow.
   - When we are co-dependent.
   - When we live in fear of change.
   - When we seek comfort and not experience.
   - When we see ourselves through our partner's eyes, and not with our own.
   - When we no longer put ourselves first.
   - When our happiness is negotiable.
   
   And on...

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      litsabdposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Things change...life changes...we change...soo if something of the things you wisely write have become our everyday life. then it is time to go. The problem is when, especially when there are children involved.
      thanks for posting your thoughts. Have a blessed day. Keep on...

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