Great relationship, if only the best friend would get out of my head!!

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   Himitsu Shugishaposted 12 years ago

   So here's a scenario. You're seeing someone that is absolutely great. They're attractive, intelligent, successful and fun to be around. And further, there are no major issues or problems in the relationship. However, they have a best friend, for whom you have also befriended, and this person, has the same traits, is always around, and over time you've become physically attracted to them. Simply avoiding them is not an option, as stated, they are always around, and the shared friendship is geniune, despite the unspoken attraction.
   
   So fellow Hubbers, what do you do?

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      the girlsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I can't help but smile at your scenario. That's a difficult situation you are in but it happens a lot. Stay focused ( I guess).

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         Himitsu Shugishaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Very true...it does happen more often than you expect. But I wonder, what would happen if the person chose to simply go to their significant other and tell them what they were feeling? Would that be a mistake?

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            the girlsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            biggest, irreparable mistake. Bigger chances you will lose both.

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   janesixposted 12 years ago

   Ignore your attraction.
   
   If you cant do that then you arent ready for a monogamous relationship

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      Himitsu Shugishaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Interesting...okay, the two of us are standing in a crowded elevator, someone farts, I tell you to ignore the smell, and if you can't, then I say, well obviously, you wanted to smell the fart. Now I don't know you personally, so for me to make a blanket statement like that would be ridiculous.
      
      I don't know that you can ignore attraction, any more than you can ignore oxygen and still expect to live. I think you can choose not to act upon it, or address it directly or indirectly in any number of scenarios. And maybe that's what you mean, I don't know...

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         janesixposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Whatever
         
         Sleep with the friend, if thats what you want to do. You will ruin thier friendship, as well as relationships with both women
         
         Or you could act like an adult who has a little self control

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   janesixposted 12 years ago

   Humans arent naturally monogamous.
   
   Our ability to not act on sexual interests outside of an unnatural monogamous relationship is one of the key ingredients that allows us to put ourselves above rutting animals.

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      Himitsu Shugishaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Wow, I love the edge and angst to your comments...responses like yours are the reason I rejoined Hubpages. I look forward to dialoguing with you more going forward.

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         janesixposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I have issues.lots of them:)

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   jirelposted 12 years ago

   I think one should try to avoid or control yourself.Because it's wrong.Many times these things happen.If we don't want to ruin the relationship we should limit it.If we can control things now,it will be much easier.You won't even be able to imagine the consequences if things get complicated.Trust me.This should be stopped right now.

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      Himitsu Shugishaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I don't disagree with you. One should try and control carnal desires, particularly while committed to another. But alas, we are only human. Attraction is going to naturally happen, but as many have alluded to, how we respond in the face of it is the challenge.

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         jirelposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Yes, you are right.Attraction is naturally going to take place.But at what cost?I've seen this.Some of my friends who have been in relationship for years have later on hooked up with others.The reason was ,as soon as they left the place and lived in another country,just in a few weeks they got attracted to other so much that they couldn't help it.
         Finally,they ended up their relationship with the ones whom they loved so much and moved on with someone else.Attraction  plays a great role.From my experience, its best to control ourselves.
         I'll tell you my story too.I made friends with a guy and we became best buddies.He also had a girlfriend who he loved a lot and their relationship was going on for years.But just after being friends for few months, he got attracted to me.Even, when he and his girlfriend had arguments and small break ups,he wanted to be with me.
         I always signalled him that I didn't want it.So, I slowly started avoiding him for certain time.I knew that he needed some space.Luckily, he made up his mind.If only had I not avoided him and gave him a green signal, we'd have been together by now.We were great friends.Our interests were same and we loved being together.I don't deny he was a great guy.If he didn't have a girlfriend I would have continued.But I knew,I can't come in between a good relationship and that guy had to be controlled.This way I stopped them from breaking up.

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            Himitsu Shugishaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            What a tremendously honest response. And it makes me wonder, do women have a greater sense of self-control than men?

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   klarawieckposted 12 years ago

   Put your hand on your girlfriend's forehead and say:
   
   "The Lord rebuke you, Satan! The Lord who has chosen Jerusalem rebuke you!"
   
        Okay, let me know how THAT goes!

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      Himitsu Shugishaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I too find that passage from the bible interesting, and have often found myself attempting to translate it. You clearly wrote it to be funny, but I wonder what it means to you.

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         klarawieckposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I was just messing with you... It's temptation, that's for sure! Just don't dwell too much on this. You know? Relationships are hardly ever what you expect them to be. People come and go, some stay longer than others, some stay forever, but there is no magic ball to know how it will turn out. So, take it one day at a time, and do what feels right to you. This girl you're seeing might be the one, but if things don't work out between the two of you, you'll move on, so will she. One day a time, Himitsu... that's all you can do.

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            Himitsu Shugishaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Excellent...I couldn't have written it better myself.

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