Is he just using me?

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   m4011posted 13 years ago

   Hi,
   About a month ago, I met this guy at the place where I work and we began flirting alot. Until one day when he asked me to chill with him and we went to his place and ended up making out. He was obviously very sexually inclined and on the third date we had sex. But he has never called us a couple or defined our relationship. He said we were serious when i had asked him and that was it. He's generally pretty open about what he's doing and his plans. and his been pretty open about other things in his life. We go out to the park and beach sometimes. I was out of town for a few weeks and he seemed to have been faithful in those few weeks. my problem is that he doesnt introduce me as his girlfriend. He will introduce me by my name or when he's on the phone say he's hanging out with a friend. Does that mean he's just trying to use me?

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      WryLiltposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Unless you've agreed to be in a monogamous relationship, it sounds like he's just using you for casual sex. Stop letting him - ask him exactly what your relationship is - does he want you for sex, as a girlfriend or what?
      
      My dad always said don't sleep with them before you're in a relationship with them. It's like giving them the reward before achieving the goal. Why should he want to date you if he gets all he wants without making it official?

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      stricktlydatingposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      It doesn't seem like he's using you, it seems like he's been quite open about things, and as your relationship is reasonably new, it just seems like he's been going with the flow - but it's you that's now questioning where you're at with him... Just discuss your feelings honestly with him and you should find out where you're heading, and try not to stress too much if you're enjoying the relationship so far...

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      Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      There is clearly a communication problem. He does not sound of value, by the actions you describe. He presently isn't sending a positive message. Sorry to hear.

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   IzzyMposted 13 years ago

   On the other hand, it would be awful to build up a great relationship with him, and then find out he is rotten in bed or is equipment isn't up to much.
   Good sex is important too.
   If the sex is good, now is the time to build up the relationship to make it into something meaningful, but to be honest, you've only known the guy a month. Give it time to grow and don't push him into a commitment at this early stage in your relationship. You'll scare him off.

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      WryLiltposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hmmm ok I guess I got that wrong - I proposed after five weeks.

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         IzzyMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Some people are just made for each other. Guess you got lucky, eh? (He did say 'yes' I presume?)

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            WryLiltposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Either that or he had his fingers crossed behind his back at the wedding. And no, we're not made for each other. I decided to decide BEFORE I fell in love with him whether I wanted to marry him. I've had the wild passionate love and that's good for heady flings but not a married life. Unromantic, eh?

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               IzzyMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               Sorry to hear that. Marry in haste, repent at leisure eh?
               I got married at 19, 11 months after we met. It lasted 27 mostly unhappy years...aw well guess we all make mistakes.
               I'd build the relationship for at least 5 years before I'd consider marrying again. In fact, I've been with my current partner 5 years and know now I would never want to marry him.

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                  WryLiltposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                  Oh no he's a great partner - better than someone you fall madly in love with and fight and argue and do everything passionately - because we've got the nice calm, quiet comfortable love.
                  
                  The intense passionate love isn't good for building a life, it's just nice to have been there and done that and experienced it.

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                     TamCorposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                     I SO have to disagree with this...respectfully, of course.
                     
                     My husband and I had the "fall madly in love" experience, he proposed after 2 weeks together, and we still have the intense passion, PLUS the quiet comfortable love...so see? It can happen!
                     
                     
                     Tammy

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                        WryLiltposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                        You're lucky to have found the two in one person. Not all are so lucky!

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                           TamCorposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                           
                           
                           Thank you, and you're right--I know we're lucky.
                           
                           I hope I didn't sound like I was bragging, 'cause I just wanted others to know that it can happen...if I had one wish, it'd be that everyone can have what Tom and I have had for the past two decades...
                           
                           
                           Tammy

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                        Lisa HWposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                        Everyone's different, and nobody can go by anyone else, but.....
                        
                        I'd respectfully disagree as well.  I married my best friend, because it was a time when "everyone" was saying to marry your best friend.  It turns out, best friends and happy marriages aren't always the same thing.  We got divorced, and now we're best friends again. 

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   Joy56posted 13 years ago

   do you not communicate as well as make out, could you not discuss this with him.  To be in a relationship communication is very important.... how old are you? if you do not mind me asking

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   Info Bucketposted 13 years ago

   You have to be very careful before having sex with your BF, coz..................... once lost.......can't get it back. And the problem you said is often, he want to hide the relationship with you. In my experiance, i like to hide my gf from others, i don't like to say it loud.

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      m4011posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      But why don;t you like to say it aloud?

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         Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Because it's selfish. I would have thought that was obvious.

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   Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

   From your post it doesn't sound like you told him of any expectations on your part of being in a relationship.  He might just see you as a f**kbuddy for now.  As someone said earlier, start building relationship now if that's what you want.  Show him that you'd make a great girlfriend.

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