A letter from Jesus Christ to All Mankind. What The Saviour of The World really thinks.
What a mess.
A Message for The World from Jesus Christ.
This morning I was disturbed, just after my breakfast, when I was having my second cup of coffee, and my third cigarette. What caused me to jump in my chair was a loud thunderclap like noise that seemed to be coming from directly above the house. There were no clouds in the sky, and no rain was falling. Forgetting about the coffee, I rushed outside to look up at the sky. I expected to see an airplane crash, or a large asteroid on course to demolish me, and most of the country. To my surprise, the heavens seemed to be completely empty. My end appeared not to have come. I was just about to re-enter my house, when I distinctly heard a voice say
"not so soon. Look again mortal" .
I turned my gaze heavenwards again. There was, what appeared to be, a large envelope turning slowly round and falling towards me. The odd thing about it was that, although there was a breeze, it was decending straight down, as if I were its intended recipient. I waited until it landed at my feet, and then I picked it up. It was an envelope, and there was some writing on it.
This is what was written.
IMPORTANT. DO NOT THROW AWAY.
This is a letter from Jesus Christ.
You are to read it and then you are to transmit what it says to the world.
Since I am just the messenger, I am publishing the contents of the letter verbatim here.
Let the readers decide what to make of it.
I have been your Lord and Saviour for two thousand years. Prior to that, I was your Creator, but not in the sense that most of you seem to think. There was no Adam and Eve. You came about much as Darwin says you did. One of your big mistakes, the one that really annoys Me, is that so many of you refuse to accept evolution. Did you really think that I had nothing better to do with My time, than put two naked people into a garden, and worry in case they ate some sort of forbidden fruit. I am Lord of The Universe, you know, not just your scrawny planet.
Genesis was a morality tale, designed to teach you that actions have consequences. Adam and Eve were metaphors. Get over it.
Point number two.
You people seem to never learn.
Around two thousand years ago, when I had decided that you might have reached the level of maturity to take on a lesson of peace and love, and to be given the news that I was your Lord and Saviour, and that you could be saved by learning to live in harmony with each other; I put on human form and came to Earth. I spent several years tramping round Palestine,( what a dump), raising the dead, curing the sick, risking pneumonia walking on water, feeding thousands from a basket of stinking fish and stale bread: and what happens. You crucify Me. This is not funny. Crucifixion is not a walk in the park. It took Me three hours to die, and some of you were even spitting on Me as I hung there.
OK. I did rise again. I thought that ought to do the trick. I really should have known better.
I said to Myself that I had done a good job, definitely pat on the back time for Jesus. I had come down, performed miracles, preached about love and tolerance, died in agony, and risen again. I felt sure you lot would get it right this time.
So I instructed the apostles to spread the message of love and redemption round the world, promised to come back at some future time, hopefully to take all of you to eternal happiness, and then I came back up to Heaven, intending to put My Divine Feet up for a while; believing that the message would really take. Job done.
Do you know that I have not had one minute's peace since.
The cries of agony that come up from your benighted planet haven't ceased night and day for the last two thousand years. If it were not so sick it would be almost funny. The message of love and tolerance that I left you with, has almost completely been killed. A lot of the time, it's been killed by My nominal followers.
You would probably think that it is the athiests that really "get My goat" You would be wrong there. I can cope with the notion that some people dont believe in Me. I am God, not Hitler. Atheists may be wrong about My existence, but at least they are not using My name to spread fear and hatred like some of the so called christians.
I mean to say. What about homosexuals?
I made them. It doesn't bother Me if consenting adults of the same sex want to go to bed with each other. I didn't actually make either Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve. So that idea just doesn't wash with Me.
What's with all this racist rubbish?
No colour or race is the best in My eyes. When I look down at the planet I left what do I see?
White people despise black people. Black people hate white people. Jews hate arabs. Arabs cant abide jews. One lot enslaves another lot, who are probably only waiting to enslave and oppress some other poor sods, when their moment of power comes.
Anyway enough of this. Enough of My time has been wasted. There is a point to this letter, and it is time that I got to it.
As I said earlier on I have been your Lord and Saviour for a long time now.
I died in agony for you.
I have put up with your shenanigans, for the last two thousand years, while I waited patiently for My message of Love and Peace to take hold amongst you.
You have constantly thrown it back in My face, just like you spat on Me while I hung on that cross.
Even now, you argue amongst yourselves about when I am coming back. You believe that I will sort out the mess.
Well I have news for you.
ONCE BITTEN. TWICE SHY.
I may be a loving God, but I am not a mug.
This is My letter of resignation as Lord and Saviour to humankind.
I am NOT coming back. I have had it with humans. From now on you are on your own.
There is a nice little planet in a galaxy far away, where the inhabitants are just reaching the level of development, where redemption might take. I am going to give them a try.
Jesus Christ. (Former Saviour of The World.)