I hope and pray that this is one of the few sincere spiritual questions that I've seen here. It reads like it is.
There are essentially two types of prayer. In entreaty, we are asking God for something. You only need to visit the board of a chapel or church to know how base this can sometimes be. But it needn't be, as we can also ask for inner fortitude; courage, health to be better able to serve God, etc. But basically we are asking, and God is listening and probably answering sometimes.
The second prayer is an Invocation, an attempt to lay hold of God Itself. Here we are not beggars. We have accepted God as our own and are trying to communicate; to merge and become one. Among the devout, the pure in Heart, this is known as silent prayer, or Meditation.
Truly speaking, a devout, yearning form of vocal prayer, will automatically take us into Silence, as this is a far easier way, for Grace to enter and purify our nature.
How does God speak to me? The first time that I had a conscious spiritual experience, my whole body was so full of fire/energy, that I felt able to do miracles. I looked at a candle flame in my prayer room, and commanded it to go out. It didn't, but instead I felt the power being drained from me. I never ever did this again. That was 33 years ago.
My accustomed way is to feel God as a Source of Power or Love. Sometimes it's so strong, that my body vibrates, and I feel like it is difficult to hold on. Sometimes I cry, but it is tears of joy, and an immediate need comes to share with all humanity, to reach out to my brothers and sisters ...mankind.
Sometimes, I experience changes in my breathing pattern, and again sometimes I sit so long that I become cold, and it takes a while to regain my normal speech. Let me say that in every single one of those experiences, I have never tried to force it, and the Love is always there.
Next lesson, do not expect. Do not push. In the beginning the mind may rebel but gently bring it back to focus, and if that fails, never fret. Discipline and regularity are essential, as well as a wholesome way of living. Practice self-control.
Get used to words like Receptivity, Assimilation, Gratitude, Love, Grace. All is His Grace really, and man is a mere instrument of His, at best a willing instrument. It is this descent of Grace, this Higher Light, that transforms our inner nature, and we find ourselves effortlessly letting go of things we do not need. The Inner Voice will dictate.
