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The Loch Ness Monster

  1. Dennis Pace profile image60
    Dennis Paceposted 6 years ago

    The Loch Ness Monster

    An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly the Loch Ness monster attacked his boat. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. It then opened its mouth, waiting below to swallow them both. As the man sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"

    Suddenly, the scene froze in place and as the atheist hung in midair, a booming voice came out of the clouds and said, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"

    "God, come on, give me a break!" the man pleaded, "Just seconds ago, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

    "Well," said God, "now that you are a believer you must understand that I won't work miracles to snatch you from certain death in the jaws of the monster, but I can change hearts. What would you have me do?"

    The atheist thinks for a minute, then says, "God, please have the Loch Ness Monster believe in You, also."

    God replies, "So be it."

    The scene starts in motion again, with the atheist falling towards the ravenous jaws of the monster. The Loch Ness Monster folds his claws together and says, "Lord, bless this food You have so graciously provided....."

    1. getitrite profile image79
      getitriteposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      More pointless, humorless nonsense.

      1. Pcunix profile image88
        Pcunixposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        But at least it is fresh and original!  I can't wait for the next one. I'm hoping for a rabid mountain lion. Or a very angry squirrel.

    2. Dave Mathews profile image61
      Dave Mathewsposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      I love your little stories like this one and the one about the Grizzly Bear too. I beliieve that in a moment of danger and sudden death the so called "Atheist" will reveal their true belief in God. The circumstances dictate the results.

    3. Beelzedad profile image57
      Beelzedadposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      So, replace the bear with the Loch Ness monster and reprint the joke? Is there some point to this childish nonsense?

      1. Dave Mathews profile image61
        Dave Mathewsposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        The end justifies the means.

    4. Shinkicker profile image90
      Shinkickerposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      God has appealed to quite a few gruesome monsters over the centuries.

  2. Cagsil profile image60
    Cagsilposted 6 years ago

    If you're going to open threads, would at least open them in the right places. Meaning, put them in the right category. If you're unsure where to put them, then please read the list of categories on the left side of the forum threads listed.

  3. Pcunix profile image88
    Pcunixposted 6 years ago

    What's next? Is it a lion? A panther? Maybe a very large and sharp toothed horse?

    Maybe a ferocious kitten?

  4. Pcunix profile image88
    Pcunixposted 6 years ago

    Ooh, I have another question. Was the atheist fishing on Loch Ness?

    Oh, yeah, and how many Christians has the monster eaten? Which does it prefer for flavor?

    1. profile image0
      just_curiousposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      It swallows Christians too but, like Jonah, they come back out in three days. The atheists could do it too,  but they figure if they come out they'd have to admit there was a Loch Ness monster. And once you admit to the existence of one supposedly mythical being....well, it would be all downhill from there.  And yes pcunix, I do find this type  of post on a religious site out of place.

      1. Pcunix profile image88
        Pcunixposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        Loch Ness monster isn't mythical at all. It is an apocryphal anachronism. Nothing supernatural about it.

        1. profile image0
          just_curiousposted 6 years ago in reply to this

          LOL.  I decided to take what I consider to be supercilious posts a little more seriously and wait until I could respond from a computer instead of my droid where I am hindered by swype. You say potato, I say potato.  (Hmmm that makes more sense spoken than it typed.)  It has been described as mythical and I see no reason to use two words when one will do.

  5. skyfire profile image74
    skyfireposted 6 years ago

    I thought loch ness monster was supposed to be from vegetarian category of sea dinosaurs. F8888 Satan. Screw ya.

    1. Pcunix profile image88
      Pcunixposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Good point.

      I think it should be the Invisible Pink Unicorn and the Flying Spaghetti Monster tearing the Christian to shreds. Then his god shows up, sees what's going on, gags, and says he'll be back in a few years.

      But he never does come back, so it is kind of a dumb story and the IPU and The FSM didn't even leave a scrap of bone, so there's not much gore..

      Nope. It makes a lousy movie. No two ways about it.

  6. profile image0
    Muldanianposted 6 years ago

    So this joke would suggest that God is as real as the mythical Loch Ness Monster, a supposed prehistoric creature, which somehow exists in a loch which only dates back to the last ice age.

  7. CASE1WORKER profile image78
    CASE1WORKERposted 6 years ago

    Actually I quite enjoy this type of thread- it lightens up the day even if for the pureist it is in the wrong category ( heaven forbid what a category to place it in). Must try and remember the best for church on sunday!

  8. optimus grimlock profile image52
    optimus grimlockposted 6 years ago

    good job dennis!

  9. Dr. Amilia profile image55
    Dr. Amiliaposted 6 years ago

    Hahaha, I loved this story!

    It woud be awesome if we could see ol nelly already.

    Love,
    Dr. Amilia.

  10. Paraglider profile image88
    Paragliderposted 6 years ago

    It must be an old story. Nobody fishes Loch Ness in January. It's ***king freezing!! wink

  11. hanging out profile image57
    hanging outposted 6 years ago

    funny
    just as i thought though

    atheists have no sense of humor lol

    1. skyfire profile image74
      skyfireposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      this type of thing coming from trolls ? yeah sure no sense of humor roll

    2. Beelzedad profile image57
      Beelzedadposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Sure we do, we just don't laugh at the same joke over and over again. smile

 
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