A christian got himself lost in a storm on his way home from the pub.
In the dark and the driving rain and the howling wind he missed the road and fell off a cliff. About forty feet down with another 200 feet to go onto jagged rocks he managed to grab a thin tree root and hang on.
He started to scream out help! help! Then out of the storm a great booming voice rose above the noise of the wind and the rain saying "let go my son and trust in me", after a moment of silence the voice boomed out even louder "let go my son and trust in me!"
The guy shouted "is anybody else up there!"
The Christian should have just let go, because it was a win win situation. If he let go, God might have caught him. If God didn't catch him, and he splattered, he would end up going to heaven anyway.
I don't know get, it couldn't turn out well showing up in heaven with a hangover. I doubt that yelling at St Peter to take it just a little easy on the trumpet blowing would get you a house in the good neighborhood.
Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whoever is deceived thereby is not wise. Proverbs 20:1
Always looking for a good joke to share, thx. Here's a couple for you.
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear,"PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." Somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS" and in a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom.
"DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
Stupid Moments in History
The professor asked Barbara, a blonde in her fourth year as a Southern Wesleyan University freshman, if she knew what Roe v. Wade was about.
Barbara pondered the question, then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
OK. It d was definitely time for a joke about believers. I hope some one starts a forum with a funny one. I like to laugh.
I've got one about jesus and moses on a fishin trip but I will suffer the wrath of the "how dare you make fun of my jesus you heathen" crowd if I post it.
Aw common. Post it. You can't please everybody.
Walking on Water
It's the second resurection of Christ. Before the world ends he wants
to take in some fishing. So he gets his friend Moses and they head up
to Minnesota to fish. They are about to rent a canoe when Moses says:
"Jesus, can't you still walk on water? Why not just walk out there?"
So Jesus takes his reel and tackle and steps onto the lake....and falls
knee deep in water.
Moses says, "Well....maybe you need a head start or something, why not
go to the end of the dock and try."
So Jesus takes his reel and tackle and steps off the end of the dock and
falls up to his waist.
Moses says, " Well why not rent the boat, go out to the center of the
lake and try there."
So they rent the boat and go to the middle of the lake, Jesus is about
to step off and try again when...
Moses says, "Wait. Just to be safe, why not get yourself into the state
of mind you were in the first time you did it."
So Jesus sets down, meditates for a few minutes, and finally he's all
psyched up, and steps out of the canoe.... ..and precedes to drown.
So Moses does the water parting thing, and pulls Jesus up into the boat.
Jesus is just beating himself up over this. He just doesn't see what's
going wrong here. Moses just stares down at the bottom of the boat.
Suddenly, Moses says, "I got it! I know what's wrong! Did you have those
holes in your feet last time?
That was funny. Best one I've heard in a while.
There were these two nuns riding their bicycles through the backstreets of Rome when the sister following the other exclaimed "I've never come this way before!". The nun in front yelled back, "It's the cobblestones!".
Ok, that was a little off color for my taste, but you're still a funny guy.
I tried to warn you, hehe, I like using these disclaimers, They're right handy. I'll behave now, I promise.
*wonders if Stump had his fingers crossed when he typed that in.
It's cool. it's all in fun. I can close my eyes and not read the off color ones. Keep'em coming.
moral of story : one needs another intoxication to come out of god syndrome...
A christian and his god
A Christian should believe the same Creator-God whom Jesus used to believe and worship and it was the same whom Moses used to believe in and worship; Jesus used to address Him as per the usage of OT by the metaphoric name God-the-Father.
by M. T. Dremer 8 months ago
Do you believe non-religious people, who lead a good life, are still going to hell?One of my biggest frustrations with religion is the idea that, how you live your life is of no consequence if you do not accept god. For example, John Smith is a good christian man who helps people, obeys the law and...
by mischeviousme 6 years ago
Would a loving parent not accept all of his/her/it's children?
by Brenda Durham 4 years ago
The disclaimer for this forum says it's for never-ending threads, etc., and it doesn't appear in the Hubtivity Feed. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to use it at your will for the glory of God. This thread will not self-destruct in 5 seconds. Maybe it will last...
by Adrian McDonald 5 years ago
This is not a discussion about discrediting the existence of God or discrediting the church as an institution of God. This serves to provide clarity on the issue of Sunday worship and it's legitimacy.
by Ronnie wrenchBiscuit 2 years ago
Why Are Christians Afraid To Follow Jesus?Once again, the Christian mainstream has turned it's back on the image of God. "...Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me ..." .A brief history:• 1830: mainstream Christians do nothing to...
by Eric Dierker 5 years ago
We all understand that Christians are supposed to study the Bible. Nobody is here saying they are not supposed to do that. But many say we must do exactly what is in the Bible. But that would make a Christian someone who followed the Bible and not Christ. So the only way to make sense of it is to...
Copyright © 2018 HubPages Inc. and respective owners. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc. HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.
|HubPages Device ID||This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.|
|Login||This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.|
|HubPages Traffic Pixel||This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.|
|Remarketing Pixels||We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.|
|Conversion Tracking Pixels||We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.|