A christian got himself lost in a storm on his way home from the pub.
In the dark and the driving rain and the howling wind he missed the road and fell off a cliff. About forty feet down with another 200 feet to go onto jagged rocks he managed to grab a thin tree root and hang on.
He started to scream out help! help! Then out of the storm a great booming voice rose above the noise of the wind and the rain saying "let go my son and trust in me", after a moment of silence the voice boomed out even louder "let go my son and trust in me!"
The guy shouted "is anybody else up there!"
The Christian should have just let go, because it was a win win situation. If he let go, God might have caught him. If God didn't catch him, and he splattered, he would end up going to heaven anyway.
I don't know get, it couldn't turn out well showing up in heaven with a hangover. I doubt that yelling at St Peter to take it just a little easy on the trumpet blowing would get you a house in the good neighborhood.
Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whoever is deceived thereby is not wise. Proverbs 20:1
Always looking for a good joke to share, thx. Here's a couple for you.
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear,"PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." Somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS" and in a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom.
"DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
Stupid Moments in History
The professor asked Barbara, a blonde in her fourth year as a Southern Wesleyan University freshman, if she knew what Roe v. Wade was about.
Barbara pondered the question, then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
OK. It d was definitely time for a joke about believers. I hope some one starts a forum with a funny one. I like to laugh.
I've got one about jesus and moses on a fishin trip but I will suffer the wrath of the "how dare you make fun of my jesus you heathen" crowd if I post it.
Aw common. Post it. You can't please everybody.
Walking on Water
It's the second resurection of Christ. Before the world ends he wants
to take in some fishing. So he gets his friend Moses and they head up
to Minnesota to fish. They are about to rent a canoe when Moses says:
"Jesus, can't you still walk on water? Why not just walk out there?"
So Jesus takes his reel and tackle and steps onto the lake....and falls
knee deep in water.
Moses says, "Well....maybe you need a head start or something, why not
go to the end of the dock and try."
So Jesus takes his reel and tackle and steps off the end of the dock and
falls up to his waist.
Moses says, " Well why not rent the boat, go out to the center of the
lake and try there."
So they rent the boat and go to the middle of the lake, Jesus is about
to step off and try again when...
Moses says, "Wait. Just to be safe, why not get yourself into the state
of mind you were in the first time you did it."
So Jesus sets down, meditates for a few minutes, and finally he's all
psyched up, and steps out of the canoe.... ..and precedes to drown.
So Moses does the water parting thing, and pulls Jesus up into the boat.
Jesus is just beating himself up over this. He just doesn't see what's
going wrong here. Moses just stares down at the bottom of the boat.
Suddenly, Moses says, "I got it! I know what's wrong! Did you have those
holes in your feet last time?
That was funny. Best one I've heard in a while.
There were these two nuns riding their bicycles through the backstreets of Rome when the sister following the other exclaimed "I've never come this way before!". The nun in front yelled back, "It's the cobblestones!".
Ok, that was a little off color for my taste, but you're still a funny guy.
I tried to warn you, hehe, I like using these disclaimers, They're right handy. I'll behave now, I promise.
*wonders if Stump had his fingers crossed when he typed that in.
It's cool. it's all in fun. I can close my eyes and not read the off color ones. Keep'em coming.
moral of story : one needs another intoxication to come out of god syndrome...
A christian and his god
A Christian should believe the same Creator-God whom Jesus used to believe and worship and it was the same whom Moses used to believe in and worship; Jesus used to address Him as per the usage of OT by the metaphoric name God-the-Father.
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