A christian and his god

Jump to Last Post 1-5 of 5 discussions (35 posts)
  1. profile image0
    china manposted 7 years ago

    A christian got himself lost in a storm on his way home from the pub. 

    In the dark and the driving rain and the howling wind he missed the road and fell off a cliff. About forty feet down with another 200 feet to go onto jagged rocks he managed to grab a thin tree root and hang on. 

    He started to scream out help! help! Then out of the storm a  great booming voice rose above the noise of the wind and the rain saying "let go  my son and trust in me", after a moment of silence the voice boomed out even louder "let go my son and trust in me!" 

    The guy shouted "is anybody else up there!"

    1. Woman Of Courage profile image61
      Woman Of Courageposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      From the pub? hmm

      1. profile image0
        china manposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        You think christians don't go to the pub !! ??

        1. profile image0
          Home Girlposted 7 years agoin reply to this

          No, they drink at home in God's company only.

          1. Cagsil profile image80
            Cagsilposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            Not really. I know a lot of Christians who drink in bars/pubs. lol

            1. Stump Parrish profile image60
              Stump Parrishposted 7 years agoin reply to this

              They wear diguises here in the south to visit bars. They all dress up as raving hypocrits and you cant tell them from the regular christians.

          2. Stump Parrish profile image60
            Stump Parrishposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            I tried that but she hogs the bottle.

    2. Cagsil profile image80
      Cagsilposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      lol lol

    3. getitrite profile image77
      getitriteposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      The Christian should have just let go, because it was a win win situation.  If he let go, God might have caught him.  If God didn't catch him, and he splattered, he would end up going to heaven anyway.

      1. Stump Parrish profile image60
        Stump Parrishposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        I don't know get, it couldn't turn out well showing up in heaven with a hangover. I doubt that yelling at St Peter to take it just a little easy on the trumpet blowing would get you a house in the good neighborhood.

        1. getitrite profile image77
          getitriteposted 7 years agoin reply to this

          lol lol lol

    4. Onusonus profile image78
      Onusonusposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whoever is deceived thereby is not wise. Proverbs 20:1

      1. Stump Parrish profile image60
        Stump Parrishposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        Do not pee into a strong wind, old polish Proverb #27

    5. pennyofheaven profile image78
      pennyofheavenposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Haha thats funny!

  2. Stump Parrish profile image60
    Stump Parrishposted 7 years ago

    Always looking for a good joke to share, thx. Here's a couple for you.

    PRICELESS

    A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear,"PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." Somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS" and in a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom.
    "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"

    Stupid Moments in History

    The professor asked Barbara, a blonde in her fourth year as a Southern Wesleyan University freshman, if she knew what Roe v. Wade was about.

    Barbara pondered the question, then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

    1. Cagsil profile image80
      Cagsilposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      lol lol lol

    2. pennyofheaven profile image78
      pennyofheavenposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Too too funny!

  3. profile image0
    just_curiousposted 7 years ago

    OK. It d was definitely time for a joke about believers. I hope some one starts a forum with a funny one. I like to laugh.

    1. Stump Parrish profile image60
      Stump Parrishposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I've got one about jesus and moses on a fishin trip but I will suffer the wrath of the "how dare you make fun of my jesus you heathen" crowd  if I post it.

      1. profile image0
        just_curiousposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        Aw common. Post it. You can't please everybody.

        1. Stump Parrish profile image60
          Stump Parrishposted 7 years agoin reply to this

          Walking on Water

          It's the second resurection of Christ. Before the world ends he wants
          to take in some fishing. So he gets his friend Moses and they head up
          to Minnesota to fish. They are about to rent a canoe when Moses says:
          "Jesus, can't you still walk on water? Why not just walk out there?"
          So Jesus takes his reel and tackle and steps onto the lake....and falls
          knee deep in water.

          Moses says, "Well....maybe you need a head start or something, why not
          go to the end of the dock and try."

          So Jesus takes his reel and tackle and steps off the end of the dock and
          falls up to his waist.

          Moses says, " Well why not rent the boat, go out to the center of the
          lake and try there."

          So they rent the boat and go to the middle of the lake, Jesus is about
          to step off and try again when...

          Moses says, "Wait. Just to be safe, why not get yourself into the state
          of mind you were in the first time you did it."

          So Jesus sets down, meditates for a few minutes, and finally he's all
          psyched up, and steps out of the canoe.... ..and precedes to drown.
          So Moses does the water parting thing, and pulls Jesus up into the boat.
          Jesus is just beating himself up over this. He just doesn't see what's
          going wrong here. Moses just stares down at the bottom of the boat.
          Suddenly, Moses says, "I got it! I know what's wrong! Did you have those
          holes in your feet last time?

          1. profile image0
            just_curiousposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            That was funny. Best one I've heard in a while.

            1. Stump Parrish profile image60
              Stump Parrishposted 7 years agoin reply to this

              There were these two nuns riding their bicycles through the backstreets of Rome when the sister following the other exclaimed "I've never come this way before!". The nun in front yelled back, "It's the cobblestones!".

              1. profile image0
                just_curiousposted 7 years agoin reply to this

                Ok, that was a little off color for my taste, but you're still a funny guy.

                1. Stump Parrish profile image60
                  Stump Parrishposted 7 years agoin reply to this

                  I tried to warn you, hehe, I like using these disclaimers, They're right handy. I'll behave now, I promise.

                  1. Cagsil profile image80
                    Cagsilposted 7 years agoin reply to this

                    You promise?


                    *wonders if Stump had his fingers crossed when he typed that in. lol

                  2. profile image0
                    just_curiousposted 7 years agoin reply to this

                    It's cool. it's all in fun. I can close my eyes and not read the off color ones. Keep'em coming.

          2. Cagsil profile image80
            Cagsilposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            lol lol

          3. pennyofheaven profile image78
            pennyofheavenposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            Awww this made me laugh big time!

  4. pisean282311 profile image59
    pisean282311posted 7 years ago

    moral of story : one needs another intoxication to come out of god syndrome...

    1. Stump Parrish profile image60
      Stump Parrishposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Make mine a double on the rocks

  5. profile image59
    paarsurreyposted 7 years ago

    A christian and his god

    A Christian should believe the same Creator-God whom Jesus used to believe and worship and it was the same whom Moses used to believe in and worship; Jesus used to address Him as per the usage of OT by the metaphoric name God-the-Father.

 
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)