Christian parents, what are you teaching your children about purity? I believe we must be bold in teaching our children the importance of holding themselves pure. The gift of purity is a treasure to those who give and receive it. Are we sharing the heart of God regarding sexual intimacy so that our children will make the choice to keep themselves and guard their hearts? I know that intimacy is an uncomfortable topic but as parents we are responsible for teaching our children. I went through the Passport to Purity curriculum with my daughter and we both loved it. Do you have a plan in place to guide your child in this matter? Ultimately, the decision is theirs to make but in making that decision do they know all of that they need to make a wise one?
Precious Pearl, amen. The sensual love is for marriage.
God has nothing to do with sexual intimacy unless He's a Peeping Tom.
Interesting statement but I wouldn't refer to God as a peeping Tom. He is omnipresent which means He is everywhere at all times including the bedroom. God created sexual intimacy for our pleasure and not our shame. So, I disagree with your statement that He has nothing to do with it.
No, it's a result of evolution, not your God.
I would have to disagree. Sexual intimacy has absolutely nothing to do with evolution.
The argument in favor of evolution is very simple...
One group of people find sex to be very pleasurable and therefore has sex often thus producing many children, while another group find sex to be boring or distasteful and wind up avoiding sex, thus having few or no children.
LOL! Sorry, that made me laugh! What makes you think that Christians don't enjoy sex? WRONG!! It is one of our greatest joys and if it isn't it should be! And as far as having many children we consider that a tremendous blessing! They are our most treasured gifts from God.
I never said Christians don't enjoy sex and none of what you say refutes the argument from evolution. It is merely your belief children are gifts from God, especially when it can be shown so many of His gifts die of starvation every day. Seems God likes to have many of his gifts given back in a very short time after He has given them.
Out of curiosity, was this the model you followed up until your wedding day?
No, I didn't and that is why I am passionate about the topic. I was not a Christian and suffered the consequences of the decision that I made in my teen years. Tragically, the results of my choice led to places that I would never want anyone to experience especially my own daughter. And if you are wondering if I told her I was sexually active I did and I shared with her transparently the results of that decision. As a mentor to young women I believe in telling the truth because teenagers are smart enough to know if you are being honest.
But, as adults, we can easily tell you're not being honest.
Really? The young women I mentor know me and can tell when I am being honest but you a perfect stranger think that you can judge whether I am being honest from a forum. WOW, you are really good.
Your words here show your honesty or lack thereof.
I'm sorry. This is the type of behavior pattern that causes trouble. You lived your life, perceive mistakes and then insist others follow a path you think you might have led. Those were your learning experiences. You can certainly talk to your children and give them advice, but it is hypocritical...all things considered.
Your life was yours. Things you perceive as mistakes might not be viewed the same by your children.
I respect your opinion. I don't agree with you. We should learn from our mistakes and if others can learn from them as well ... good. It wasn't my mistakes that caused me to change ... it was my relationship with Jesus that changed my heart and mind.
And if you read my original post, you will see that I am not insisting on anything I made it clear that ultimately the choice made should come from a place of conviction and education.
Not allowing another person to grow and learn isn't their relationship with Jesus, it is your desire to have another person live your life for you once again, but to live your life as you wish you had. You can't fix your past by vicariously living through another person. It is stifling another human being.
Well, I think that you are judging my reasons without knowing all of the details of my decisions. Those that I mentor know where I stand and therefore they are desiring to be taught that which I believe. Vicarious living has nothing to do with it.
God has nothing to do with keeping children from making bad choices. And they don't need any guidance from religion to grow into good and moral adults. Most of my friends are Christians, and they have all had premarital sex. One girl who is devout is now pregnant and not married. The only person she will be responsible to is the baby...not God, as there is no real evidence that He is even real.
Holding yourself pure. Just how long do you propose that should be? Forever? Till you "find" someone? Until you "find" someone [i]and[i] receive a piece of paper that says it's now OK?
Until sexual maturity? Until emotional maturity (which is never for some)? Until financial maturity and you can care for the resulting child (which may also be never)?
Thanks for your comments but you didn't really answer the questions. But since you asked me, in my opinion being sexually intimate outside of a committed marital relationship is not a healthy lifestyle for anybody whether they are Christian or not. And the answer to all of your questions would be a resounding "YES, WAIT!" The marital covenant is more than just a piece of paper to those who believe in the sanctity of marriage. The questions were posed to those who do believe that sexual intimacy should be reserved for the marriage bed. If you don't hold to the biblical principle of purity then that is your choice.
I see. Then I can answer the question.
There is nothing particularly spiritual or holy about remaining chaste until you have a piece of paper given by the government stating that you are married, and our children were not taught that.
It is unfortunate that the Christian religion twists the joys of intimacy into a thing of evil, taking something very natural and declaring it perverted and sick. Were sex treated as a very healthy and normal activity our bodies and minds can participate in after maturing, without turning it into something somehow dirty and wrong, America would be a much healthier place to live.
The Christian religion doesn't turn sex into something twisted and perverted. On the contrary it emphasises the joys and intimacy of a special physical expression of love between two people who have committed their lives to one another. Where's the beef?
To suggest that the Christian religion has turned sex into something dirty is to suggest it is responsible for prostitution, promiscuity and pornography. These are the things that has turned sex into something sordid.
Well said, Disappearinghead! I agree with you completely.
You mean like gay sex? The Christian religion supports and encourages gay sex? Between two people who love each other?
Or between the leaders of the church - the priests and nuns?
Or between people who enjoy it for recreation, not for reproduction reasons?
How about before being married before God? The church approves that?
Sorry. Christianity has a long, long history of prohibiting (or at least trying to prohibit) sexual relations for any reason but reproduction and by anyone not formally married.
I am sorry that you feel that Christianity turned sexual intimacy into something dirty and sordid. Sadly, that is a misrepresentation of what Christianity truly represents. In reality, sexual intimacy is not something sordid or perverse but a beautiful and intimate experience which is why it should be treasured rather than entered into for casual pleasure. In my opinion it is the media that has turned something wonderful into perversion. God created sexual intimacy as something very special as is represented in Song of Solomon.
You are correct; sex is not sordid or perverse, and it can be a most beautiful and intimate experience both physically and mentally.
And that is, or least can be, true whether the participants are a couple of teenagers trying it for the first time, a long married couple or a prostitute and a john. It is still not necessarily or perverse.
That does not mean that no sex is sordid; there isn't much worse than one spouse sneaking out on the other, willingly and intentionally sacrificing their own worth, their family and more for a night of pure physical pleasure without intimacy. It may not be perverse (sex is a rather strong driving force in humanity) but it is sordid.
Being human is not healthy unless committed to an institution and legal documents?
If we can be sexually intimate with "JUST Any and everybody", then no one has received anything special. And it isn’t really intimate. It’s just another form of masturbation.
Like a fruitless cherry pie, empty inside. And the cost for this ( ) pie is always more than it was worth. Broken hearts, single Moms, and STDs
I can’t imagine this being a debatable subject. At least from a parents prospective.
You are right Jerami. The price for sexual promiscuity is far higher than the sacrifice of holding ourselves pure. Additionally, a person that keeps themselves does not suffer with the self esteem issues that often comes from being intimate with someone who they are not committed to in covenant.
Even in this beaurocratic world that we live in, there is usually a very good logical reason behind the (aparently) silliest of rules.
Sometimes it is difficult to be openminded enough to see the logic.
especially when we close the windows to our minds, as some people apear to have done.
I'd rather be called "TOO Imaginative" than to have no imagination at all.
I'd rather be wrong standing up for what I believe, than to be right while following the popular train of thought of the day; which changes as often as the direction of the wind.
Wisdom is wisdom, which most will agree, until someone ataches the word GOD to the subject.
Then there will be many which will argue with wisdom for the sake of that word.
I don't know what this has to do with the OP, but this is where my mind went while reading some of the posts.
Ok, folks I really have to go! I respect and appreciate all of your comments. Please feel free to continue sharing.
It would be very negelant and foolish of me as a parent if I didn't express my opinions to my children; especially when I know that they are being bombarded with multitudes of outside opinions and opertunities.
Why should my opinions be the only ones that my children are not exposed to?
Come on now! Parents already have enough problems raising their children into the kind of adults that we can enjoy their company when they are grown.
You can not deny us the opertunity to share our opinions with our children.
You wouldn't allow someone else to do that to you!
I don't care what those opinions are of the parents, they have an obligation to share them with their children before those children CHOOSE for themselves.
Parents should share their opinions. They should set reasonable boundaries and I think it's admirable when they are open and honest about their past. But, they need to be reasonable about their children's present and future also.
When you build up an ideal and lead children to believe that God insists on this, what is the result? Denial of facts. Lies to hide behavior because they don't want to deal with the drama the parents will respond with. People who don't act responsibly because they are afraid to admit what they want. Purity is rarely the result. Teen unwed pregnancy is, quite often, what happens.
Talk to your kids, of course. But don't expect their choices to be the opposite of yours when you were the same age. You can't grow and learn if you don't have your own learning experiences.
Emile, I think we are actually on the same sheet in some ways. I don't expect my daughter to make choices and decisions based upon my past. I do want to share with her the mistakes that I made and how to avoid them ... then it is up to her to choose the direction she desires to go. I have made it clear to her that whatever choices she makes whether I agree or disagree she is my most treasured gift and nothing she can ever say or do will change my love for her. Communication on difficult topics is the key to any relationship and it is no different with teenagers.
Teenage pregnancies are not a result of rules and regulations but the result of parents not being willing to talk about and help educate our youth. They are learning about sex from their peers and outside sources instead of their parents. Purity is a choice just as sexual intimacy is one ... as parents we should give our children as much information as possible so that they can make an informed decision about what it is they desire.
I would agree. It does sound as if we are on a similar page. And open lines of communication are important. My beef with most of it is parents usually have unreasonable expectations. They want to think their kids are perfect. They turn a blind eye to everything so that they can pretend their little angels are just that. And then conduct themselves as if it's unfathomable when the kids find themselves pregnant. As if a teenager should never have thought about sex.
If your mentoring involves not only helping young girls respect their bodies, but also to be fully prepared to make informed adult choices when they choose to become active that sounds commendable.
Jerami, I love what you said ... we as parents have an obligation to share our opinions with our children. They are being bombarded by outside opinions every day and we should have some input as well.
To do otherwise would be deaming ourselves worthless.
And our children know better that that.
We mustn't disapoint the children.
They depend upon us more than they will ever admitt.
True. Our children depend on us very much and sadly we often fail them.
They key differences between our comments and this one wilderness posted is age.
A teenage girl is too young and her hormones are working also, does not have any idea as to what she is giving up when she starts giving "IT" up.
Concerning consenting adults who have already had their lives go through a train wreck of emotions is a different story completely.
Wilderness; do you advise your daughters and granddaughters to go forth and multiply as soon as they get the urge?
And about 45 years ago I would have been some of that outside force that would have been working against you.
leaving a few bewildered girls in my wake.
Momas, you better warn your girls about young boys whos attitudes are being driven my harmones and testosterone.
Let us pray, ... "Lord forgive these boys for they know not what they do".
I think it's unnecessary, gaudy, and a faulty premise. If you're going to stay chaste until marriage a ring is not going to make you.
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Being sexualy intimate out side of marriage, is not good persay just be committed to the one you love married or not.
wow! I had no idea that people actually have a strong opinion about this in a very somber way.As I read the tread, for a second, thought that some of these people actually were defending their children's promiscuous behavior! Then I had to stop and think this is just a misunderstanding. What kind of parent would advocate their kids to have sex just because?
I got married when I was 17 years old, after a courtship of a year. I have only been with one man, my husband. After 20 years of marriage and 3 teenagers, I have never imposed any of my children to religious rules or stigma. I am a Christian woman, but I am also a nurse, a mother and a mentor. I was criticed , by my own atheist family, because I sat down with my kids and told them about sexual education, drugs and other things that they should be aware of.
As a nurse,every day, I had to help and find counseling for kids (boys and girls)for pregnancy, STD's and in some cases date rape and, in many cases how to deal with the consecuences of their actions. Teenagers from all creeds and walks of life. These were the lessons that I taught my kids. Real Teens, real problems.
I tell them how it is.- " The day that you make the decision to be sexually active, make sure that you are ready, willing and able to live with the consecuenses of your decision. Don't expect the fairy tale or the prince charming. Love yourself enough to protect your body and your emotions. Make sure that you are ready for this.This is something that you have to do for you, because it will be you the one that has to live with the consecuenses."
Precious Pearl, I commend you for taking an active role in your child's education and protecting him/her from such an important aspect of her development, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. As you can see, ( and I still can't believe this) people are going to defend their choices, no matter what they are. Children go through the same thing,they are being ridiculed and pressured to follow what the majority is doing. This forum is but a taste of they have to face from their peers,EVERY DAY. To answer your question, my plan always have been to keep my kids safe and informed. That's why I cant leave it to the church (as you done too),to solely rely on scripture and religious rules. Taking action as to educate them is going to make it easier for them to choose.
Folks, this has nothing to do with religion. Children are being bombarded from every corner to have sex. Then they end up in the doctors office or clinic asking a stranger like me to help them. Yes hormones have their own mind, yes, the pressure is there, but if they have the tools from a trusted source, like mom and dad they can evaluate and go forward, informed of the consecuences. The beauty of free agency, is to choose those things that are to enrich our lives, not fill us with regret.
May the lord keep you my dear.
The problem here is that you aren't providing information to them in any way, you're merely applying ridiculous religious nonsense about being pure, which doesn't educate them at all.
Try listening to the voice of reason for a change...
Oh troubled man, What are the voices telling you?
You did read the post, right? If you need a Power Point Presentation about and how I educate my children about sex? I will be happy to send it to you for your approval, but that's kind of creepy. Don't you think.
Are you just trying to make A point? Not once I mentioned anything of being pure , the word chaste, or how to apply doctrine. As a counselor and health care professional , I am a little sadden by your constant hate posts.
As a Matter of fact , How did you educated your kids about sex?
Did It work ? Have any suggestions? How does troubled man constructively educate children about sex?
I already gave my two cents where are yours?
That is where you are wrong Troubled Man ... Interesting name by the way ... I am providing a balance of both. The teaching of purity is not exclusive to Christianity and the truth about being sexually active encompasses much more than we often want to admit.
ananceleste! I am rejoicing at your answer! Thank you! I know what you have shared is true because I once worked for a School of Nursing. I was privy to medical information that most people don't get to see until it becomes news worthy. For instance, the new drug that they are giving our young girls to protect them from cervical cancer. The part they conveniently leave out is that the reason we are seeing more cases of this type of cancer is sexual intimacy with multiple partners.
Yes, we must educate our youth and allow them to make the choice based upon biblical principles and the reality of life's circumstances. Some will choose purity others won't but we can give them the information that they need as parents to help them in making their decision. And whatever decision they make we must love unconditionally!
Unfortunaly you are correct. the majority of people don't know is that pregnancy is not the worst thing that can happened to a child. It is true, there is a certain type of cervical cancer that has strong links to multiple sexual partners. Sad and scary too.
I think you are grossly mistaken. Here are some biblical principles on conduct as related to sex:
If a man sleeps with his father's wife... both him and his father's wife is to be put to death. (Leviticus 20:11)
If a man has sex with a woman on her period, they are both to be "cut off from their people" (Leviticus 20:18)
If a man is caught in the act of raping a young woman who is not engaged, he
must pay fifty pieces of silver to her father. Then he must marry the young woman
because he violated her, and he will never be allowed to divorce her.
Deuteronomy 22:28-29 NLT
So, what's the conclusion here? The laws in the bible were created by a Bronze Age society for a Bronze Age society which, given the circumstances and available resources, had to set their priorities differently than we do today. The kind of harm, we can nowadays easily compensate with modern medicine or insurance systems, was often a matter of life and death back then.
Biblical law is in no way suitable for us to build our morality on any longer. We cannot use it as a guide, let alone as a guide that should be followed literally. The only thing it can teach us is what society looked like in ancient times.
I just copied this directly from the bible, yet you, who were the one asserting that children should be guided by biblical principles with regards to sex, readily disagrees. It appears that your credibility is completely shot, or you are not even conscious of the nonsense that you are asserting.
What ATM and others want, is for everyone to raise their children without instilling the parents own beliefs and values on the child, which these moronic theorists assume is the only proper way to raise a child. Quite impossible to do. It is an idiotic way to poke their nose into something which they obviously know nothing about. They don't want the child "brainwashed" into what they think is an unacceptable ideology. When you have a baby, put it in a oundproof room, leave, lock t5he door behind you and don't op3en it until the child is grown. What the real problem w/ ATM and others like him is that they don't seem to understaND THAT IDIOCY LIKE THEIRS IS WHAT PARENTS HAVE TO FEAR MOST.
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