Weird Guinness World Records Part Two....Warning...May Cause Laughter
WHY AM I DOING THIS?
Well, that’s a good question isn’t it? Maybe a better question is why are you reading this? I’m just going to end up being sarcastic and make fun of a bunch of people. I know, it seems mean, but that is not my intention. I just find humor in everything I come across, and this stuff is FUNNY!
Let’s face it, we all love the absurd; it makes us feel just a bit more normal. As I mentioned in my first installment of this series, I rounded up seventeen friends back in the 60’s and we set the world record for longest softball game at 42 hours, so I know a little bit about being weird.
I actually celebrate those who do these stunts. I love the fact that they are willing to be silly and frivolous, and yes, risk ridicule for doing the absurd. Life is too short to take it so seriously. Ya gotta have fun and these record-holders must have had a ton of fun grabbing their fifteen minutes of fame.
So let’s check out some world records, shall we? Thanks to the people at Guinness for supplying the fodder for my silliness, and thanks to those out there who have set these records. I truly do celebrate your spirit in setting these achievements, no matter how strange you all are!
LEAPFROG OVER MOST STANDING PEOPLE
Andy Wiltz leapfrogged over ten standing people at Seaman High School in Topeka, Kansas. It should be noted that he got a running start but still, ten people? Were they all short? I mean, it just says people. It could have been ten first graders, right? It could have been ten midgets! Still, I don’t think I could leapfrog over ten rabbits let alone people.
What most people don’t realize is that immediately after setting the record, Andy tried to break the record by leapfrogging over eleven people. Sadly, he failed, and was immediately treated at a local hospital for a serious testicle injury. Ewwww! I have to wonder if Andy was able to father a child later on in life. Hell, was he even able to get a date later in life….or even walk properly?
LONGEST MIDGET TOSS
The record is 11 feet 5 inches and I couldn’t find the name of the person who set the record….sorry! I want to know how that conversation went. Guy walks up to a midget and asks him if he would mind being tossed eleven feet for a world record. Midget looks at the guy, ponders for awhile, and then decides this sounds like a great idea.
Hey, don’t shoot the messenger! I’m just repeating what was already done.
Wait a minute! You don’t suppose this record was set right after Andy jumped over the ten midgets. Might as well kill two birds with one stone, right? Jump over them and then toss them about. Let’s play midget toss! It’s a game sensation in Kansas but then you have to realize how boring things are in Kansas to really appreciate this game. Watch for it coming soon on ESPN! Tiger Woods is fading fast; maybe he could go for the world record in driving a midget with a four-wood.
LARGEST COLLECTION OF BELLY BUTTON LINT
Ewwww! Australian Graham Barker has collected belly button lint for over twenty years and now has more than a half-ounce of this stuff. I have to be honest with you; this is not something a normal, sane person would think of. I understand jumping over short people, but collecting your belly button lint?
Forget what I said in the introduction; I don’t salute Graham at all. This goes way beyond weird and enters bizarre. Do you think he has a glass display case for his lint? Do you think Graham has ever gone out on a date? Can you see him bringing his date home after a movie and showing her his collection? She would break the world record for getting the hell out of his house in the fastest time!
The first of this series
- Weird Guinness World Records: Warning, This May Cause Laughter!
Take a few minutes and read about some of the stranger world records; I promise you that you won't be disappointed.
LONGEST MUSTACHE
Badamsinh Juwansinh Gurjar from India did not cut his mustache for 22 years and it grew to twelve and a half feet.
What does he do, let it drag on the ground, or does he flip it over his shoulder while he walks? I’m thinking it would come in handy for dusting the house. Just stand in the middle of the room and turn in a circle real fast. They should have hired this guy for those milk commercials years ago….GOT MILK?
Now I had a mustache years back, and I know for a fact food can get stuck in them; with twelve feet this guy could carry a snack around with him no matter how long he was traveling. One good thing is he would never get lost in the wilderness. The rescuers could just follow the trail of food and the drippings of milk coming off of his mustache. Just sayin’.
If you like to laugh...my Kindle book
- Funny Google Searches and Other Nonsense: William D. Holland: Amazon.com: Kindle Store
Funny Google Searches and Other Nonsense: William D. Holland: Amazon.com: Kindle Store
HEAVIEST WEIGHT LIFTED WITH A HUMAN BEARD
A man in Lithuania lifted 130.2 pounds with his beard. I don’t know about you, but to me, that sounds painful. My apologies to all midgets in the world, but it seems to me our Lithuanian friend could make some money giving midgets rides on his beard. It could be a new amusement park ride; the guy could spin around in a circle as fast as possible and the midgets could hold on for dear life in the ultimate thrill ride.
Wait a minute! If he did that, and the midgets let go while he was twirling them, then that would be a midget toss, right? I’m thinking he could easily break that world record of 11 feet 5 inches. In fact, we’re looking at the Daily Double for world records….longest midget toss and most weight lifted by a beard, all in one action.
MOST WEIGHT LIFTED WITH EARS
That’s right, I said ears! Dimitry Kinkladze lifted 105 pounds with his ears for a total of ten minutes. I am trying to picture how someone would do this and I’m coming up blank. How do you strap a weight onto your ears? Would it be like an ear ring? Wouldn’t that wreak havoc with your ear lobe?
Now if his name had been Dumbo I wouldn’t have any trouble believing this.
FASTEST FURNITURE
A street-legal sofa traveled at 87 miles per hour to set the record. There was actually a human being among us who had nothing better to do than install an engine in a sofa and drive it around town. Can you imagine being pulled over by a cop for a speeding ticket on a sofa?
WORLD’S HIGHEST HIGH-HEELED SHOES
Sixteen inches high with an 11-inch platform! Kelly, you love shoes; would you wear those babies? It seems to me you could only wear them to an NBA game if you were out looking for a date. Otherwise you would tower over the average guy and we all know what that does to a man’s ego, right?
For the life of me I can’t imagine why you would wear these unless you were a midget, and then you would have to take them off before being tossed eleven feet, right? You couldn’t hang from someone’s beard because your shoes would touch the ground. Man oh man, talk about complicate your life and eliminate a lot of fun opportunities!
How do you feel about a poll right now?
Have you ever tossed a boyfriend or girlfriend?
THERE ARE SO MANY MORE BUT LET’S STOP FOR NOW
Seriously, I can only handle so much weird in one day. One of my best friends is named Tweetie, so that should give you an indication of what my life is like. Why do I need to add to the weirdness?
Believe me, there are many more where these came from, but you’ll just have to wait until next time. Until then, remember to tell your children not to talk to strangers, especially if the strangers are hanging from someone’s ears or picking themselves up after being tossed eleven feet. Also, make sure you look both ways before crossing a busy street. You don’t want to get run over by a sofa!
2012 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)
Related
Comments
Too funny....I mean really, belly button lint? As far as the mustache that's just ridiculous and I wouldn't want to kiss that guy.
This was great Bill, keep 'em comin and keep us smilin. Your sense of humor is unparalleled.
Voted up, funny, and interesting.
Bill I was reading this dying of fits of laughter. As if the midget toss wasn't bad enough to try to imagine, then you through the high heels at me and damned if I know why or how any women would attempt to wear shoes with that high a heel. I have worn heel in my life (being a woman) and got to tell you now having kids I despise them and just find them a necessary evil being vertically challenged at 5'2" lol!! Thanks though for this comical relief before my day truly gets in high gear. Have voted and shared too!!
Haha!! Belly button lint! Oh my word...that's gross. Thanks Bill - great end off to Friday.
Funny - voted up!
I liked the long beard..Most people's hair wouldn't grow that long. It is fun to read about these feats. I often wonder what inspires people to do some of these weird things, but they do make for fun reading. Thanks for sharing Up and of course very funny.
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Mary, I thought Bev was going to upchuck when I told her about the belly button lint! LOL Thank you my friend and have a great weekend.
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Janine, you aren't vertically challenged; you are deliciously short. :) Thank you my dear; I've always thought high heels looked terribly painful.
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Mel, thank you and have a wonderful weekend.
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Carol, I've had a beard, but one that long is really annoying. :) Thank you and enjoy your weekend.
High heels are a pain! Used to have a pair of flats to change into in the staff room. Don't think I'd like the snacks from mustache man though!
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LOL....Michelle, these are just too weird, so naturally I wanted to share them with all of you! Thank you!
LOL.. midget toss! You now hold the record for the funniest hub on Hubpages! Hilarious!
Hey maybe if I get me a fast couch - I could make up some time around town! Lol
Loved the ohoto of Bev - now was she looking to join the tossing or was she trying to find the midget that got tossed?
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Kelly, she was actually looking for an owl she had seen...but I figured it worked perfectly for this hub. Thanks buddy; did you notice I mentioned you?
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Thanks Tammy! I enjoyed it; hope I didn't annoy any midgets!
I love the motorized sofa. When you got tired, you could just park it and sleep.
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It's a great idea....two for the price of one!
Thanks Avian and have a great weekend!
you may want to look both ways for that flying midget to when crossing the street as well! and its only a half an ounce of lint after all that time? I think i probably clean that much out of own naval in a year!
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George, I thought the same thing...didn't seem like much at all. LOL Thank you for the visit!
I wonder what his choice for a world record would have been if he had an "outie"? Weirdness abounds. Thanks for the chuckle, Bill.
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Katheryn, I didn't even think of that. LOL Now I'm laughing at the sight of that! Thank you for the chuckle!
I'd like to contact Graham Barker and personally congratulate him on being the grossest person in the world! Belly button lint? Ewww!!! I would say thanks for sharing that, Bill, but I'd be lying. ;) Great hub, I love to laugh!
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Rachel, that one got to me too; I cringed when I read it! :) Thank you my friend and have a great weekend on that farm.
I would pay to see or Lithuanian friend toss a midget 30 feet...haha, just saying!! Thanks for the laugh, Bill!
Loved that leapfrog over almost a team of Football players! 11 inches platform? That's not too bad to "break" nowadays! Lol! Thanks for the chuckles... heading off to work my friend!
OMG. Bellybutton lint? I was dying with the midget toss. This was hilarious!
Bill -
It may have taken 22 years to grow the mustache, but it took 23 to learn how to train nose hair! I think Gene Simmons of Kiss once wore hi heels a little taller, but his tongue kept getting in the way of the measuring tape ruining all chances of breaking the record! Oh, and the owner of the sofa also holds another record... the fastest human being to ever travel in the air after wrecking a sofa at 87 mph! Great Job, my friend! Keep 'em coming!
Hi Bill,
Unreal list!!! So many. all hilarious! Cracked up at the sofa one, can you just imagine. I can't without fits of laughter!! Bellybutton lint has to be the most gross one!! Pure genius my friend, just the laugh I needed on a Friday night!!! Love it!
billybuc....hee hee..still chuckling...These are those 'are you kidding me' events that NO ONE would do, right? Wrong. Not only do they do 'em but them others try to break 'em. o my...You gotta' laugh The whole weightlifting with the ears thing--I just don't know how that worked. Were there any pictures of that??
This is too cute. Thanks for the chuckles. ps
Wahhhh! Imaging the amount of food that would get caught in that moustache and beard! Gross!
Oy. The belly button lint thing totally disgusts me. First, why would he even admit that he collects that. Like what does he do, sit around a look at it? I don't get it. Second, why would anyone celebrate that? Not much weirds me out, but that really gets under my skin as - ewwwwww.
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Keith, believe it or not, I have seen a midget toss on television; it's bee a few years back but I remember thinking it was one of the funniest things I had ever seen.
Thanks buddy; have a great weekend!
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Have a great weekend Joseph; you are greatly appreciated!
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I know Julie; that one grossed me out too! Thank you and enjoy your weekend with that great family of yours.
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Rich, you did it again; your comment was funnier than the hub! Knock that off, would you please? You are making me look real bad. LOL
Thanks buddy; have a great weekend!
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Suzie, I really don't want to meet the lint guy; that's just a bit too much for me. :) Have a wonderful weekend my Irish friend!
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PS, I didn't find any pictures but if I do I'll add them. The ears thing had me confused as well, and the lint one just plain grossed me out.
Have a wonderful weekend!
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Tara, it's always a pleasure seeing you drop by and visit. I know about the beard thing; gross is an understatement. :) I hope you are well and have a great weekend in Cheshire!
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Relationship, I totally agree.....I can't imagine what would make someone do that for that many years and think it's a normal thing to do. Sigh!
Thank you and enjoy your weekend!
Bill-BUDDY! Did you never play leap frog when you were a kid? The people you LEAP over are not standing...they're down on all fours! lol.....You are tooo funny! Midget toss? Is it me, or does this sound mean? Makes me think of those adorable "munchkins" in the Land of OZ.......poor little guys.
How long does it take you to write one of these Belly-Laughers? You must have to take a break every fifth word!
Nice picture of Bev....Did she ever find any midgets??? LOL!
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Paula, my sense of humor is so sick I can write one of these in less than an hour....just doing what comes naturally. :) As for the midgets, I darn near didn't include them because it did sound mean, so I tend to agree with you on that one. Too late now! :)
Bev.....no....and she didn't find the buried treasure either. I don't know why I keep her around! LOL Tell her that and I'm a dead man!
have a great weekend buddy!
I'm SURE she'll NEVER know you said that. After all, it's not like it's on a visible, public post or anything. Besides....she knows you.....and knows you are kidding. Keep smiling!
I dread to think what was growing in that beard, Billy, you killed me with the midget throwing, ha ha ha.. although I don't think it's politically correct to laugh. You're a very funny man!!... thank you for the laugh before bed. Take care now.. :))
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Thank you Jo, and I almost didn't post the midget tossing because it wasn't politically correct...glad you enjoyed and have a great weekend.
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Paula, I'm always smiling....well, 90% of the time at least!
^_^ My favorite was the longest beard! So funny! I love this series you have going. Voted up and shared.
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Sasha, it's funny sometimes when writing....I didn't really think this one was funny, but I trusted Bev and posted it anyway. Thank you and have a great weekend!
All funny for sure. I remember when we were living in Ohio, they had a bed race every year at the university. They can go pretty fast! I cannot picture the ear lifting either. Wow!
Cheers it WAS actually funny :)
hmm Tossing has another meaning in England ha
I tottally wanna try tossing a midget... throwing.... with his/her consent of course
Voted up and Shared via Hubpages
LOL billybuc - Good laugh for the end of the day! I loved the fastest furniture and the highes high heel - are they kidding me! LOL Yes, laughter produced here. Have you ever heard of a turkey toss. A local readio station has a turkey toss around thanksgiving for some charity - no, they don't give anyone the tossed turkeys! LOL It is true, real life is way stranger than fiction. In His Love, Faith Reaper
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Dianna, bed races seem to be a staple nowadays at fairs and such, but ear lifting? I'll pass on that!
Thank you my friend and have a great weekend.
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CCahill, I have actually seen midget tossing on television...rather bizarre to say the least.
Thank you for the visit and enjoy your weekend.
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Faith, now I'm laughing. I have never heard of that in my life. I'm amazed the animal rights organizations don''t protest that contest. LOL
Thank you and enjoy a fabulous weekend.
bill
Looking at the picture of Bev, I think she found two of the midgets, and was trying to conceal them up her sweater.
Just an observation.
CCahill, wouldn't tossing a turkey be more difficult than tossing a midget? I mean, all the feathers would get in the way.
And as you said, it would have to be a consenting turkey, Innit.
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Twilight, I think you might be right on all counts. LOL Great comment! Thanks for the visit and the laugh!
Thank you for this. Look up Ashrita Furman. ;-)
Ha, billybuc, no, they use frozen dead turkeys, I believe! Maybe still wrapped up too. Yikes. In His Love, Faith Reaper
Ooh Awesome and Funny Bill! My daughter loved the first one and I can imagine she will be leapfrogging over the dog in hopes of achieving some other world record. Thanks and voted up too!
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I will do that Martin; thank you!
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Faith, I'm happy to hear that. :) Thanks for the clarification!
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Glimmer, keep me posted about her progress. :) Thank you and have a great weekend!
Bill, what an article! Another great one and another series. Your pretty darn good at this writing there pal. Awesome job again. Personally, I figured somebody could leapfrog more then 10, but I guess that is harder then it sounds. I couldn't imagine lifting that weight with my beard or ears. Wow! Voting this up and all the way across but beautiful. Cool stuff Bill, best wishes.
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Thanks Ricky! This was one of those I wasn't happy with when I finished it, but I couldn't figure out how to make it better. LOL I appreciate it and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Sorry it took me awhile to make it here. Very interesting facts. Wonder how he bribed the midget to talk him into being tossed.
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TT, money had to be involved as I believe most people will do just about anything for money.
Thanks Sis; apologies aren't necessary!
Interesting and true statement: ".... we all love the absurd; it makes us feel just a bit more normal."
But really, some people are extremely weird, doing the most bizarre things to prove... exactly what, I wonder?
I must go read the 1st part as well. But why, I ask myself? Of course, just to know I am not at all as weird as I think I am.... Lol!
Thank you, billybuc, for making me laugh.
To be truthful, all belly button lint is the particles from your clothing so actually not that gross! and tossing midgets was actually a big craze in the early 90's especially at the beach bars in FL and CAL! Now that to me is sick!
I actually have one you missed. The longest squirting of milk from one's eyes..9.1 Meters! why one would do this is really gross and how they do it is beyond my grasp and imagination!
Also why would one headbutt 40 watermelons in one minute?
or grow their ear hair to .03 meters?
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Martie, I think there is that in each of us, knowing that we can't possibly be weird because look, that's definitely weird and I'm not that bad. LOL Thank you!
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George, yes, I have actually seen midget tossing, and that seemed to me to be about as strange a thing as I have ever seen. Thank you for the visit!
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George, I've been thinking about that eye squirting thing for five minutes, and I can't figure out how you would do that. Oh, for sure I missed quite a few, but that's what the next few hubs are all about. :)
it is weird what you can find on google! stuff like the biggest novelty song of alltime(disco Duck) or the worlds loudest burp(110 decibels)!the research into these though is what you do best so we will leave that up to you!
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George, it's a strange world out there; me thinks there are too many people with way too much time on their hands....of course, they give me fodder for hubs, so I'd best not complain too loud.
I really needed a laugh tonight. I feel a bit nauseated but surprisingly happy.
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Hyphen, now I'm laughing! A bit nauseated....great line! It was the belly button lint that got to me and I'm not sure why. LOL Thank you!
LOL!!!! This is a great hub and so much fun to read. Btw, Hawk told me that there have actually been annual Midget Tossing competitions in England, Australia, Canada and even in the USA and they still have them in New Zealand! Go figure. Thanks for the laughs and many giant sized hugs coming your way my friend :)
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Trinity, I have actually seen midget tossing on television before....so very weird.
I'll take those hugs any old time; I hope you are feeling better. Thank you dear!
A great funny Hub! But the belly button lint eeek!
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Stricktlydating, thank you and I know, the belly button thing got to me, too! :)
Nice work, Billy. LMFAO. UP shared, beautiful, funny and interesting.
PS... where's the mustache photo?
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Justin, I was going to look for it and then forgot about it. Thanks for the reminder and the comment.
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