Do YOU Feel UGLY?

(Let me remind the readers that "beauty" in this hub applies for both men and women)

“I know that I am not physically beautiful…” this is a line from a friend that struck me days ago. I was really surprised because she is physically attractive, bright and kindhearted. I was wandering what made her feel physically ugly.

From time to time, there are factors that may make one feel physically ugly. And in reality, being physically attractive is a “BIG DEAL” in every society, which is the reason why beauty centers and even the most expensive beauty products are making so much money despite the failing economy.

Let me use the adage again from Oscar Wilde, “To me, beauty is the wonder of wonders...It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances.” Let us admit the fact that all of us are automatically attracted whenever we see good looking people. We never fail to give a second or more look whenever they are around, whether they are acquaintances or strangers.

• Beauty and The Brain – This hub by one of my favorite hubber, Cecilia Beltran explains the role of the physiologic activities of our body and our attraction to physical beauty. It then inspired me to make my hub about beauty and ugliness.

The fact is, we are all programmed to acknowledge physical beauty at a first glance and inner beauty does not give that automatic effect since it is not seen physically. However, what is beauty in the eyes of everyone?

Dorian Gray was a young man who was really very good looking and physically attractive. At that time, a painter named Basil Hallward was so impressed by the good looks of Dorian, and knew that it would give a new life to his art. He then requested Dorian to be his subject for his paintings. Dorian gladly agreed.

It was not long until he met Lord Henry Wotton who is a very good friend of Basil. He was the one who introduced to Dorian the significance of being physically beautiful and attractive. He started to emphasize that the most important to have in life is satisfaction of the senses and beauty. Dorian begins to think that beauty is the only worthwhile aspect about life, and the only thing that everyone needs to pursue. Because of this, he wished whimsically that his portrait that Basil is painting would age rather than himself so that he would be good looking all his lifetime. His wish was fulfilled so that his own portrait aged and manifests some disfigurement whenever he does something sinful. It served as a reminder what each sinful act does to his soul.

Although his wish to be always “beautiful” physically was put to reality. It has never made him truly happy. He fell in love with a beautiful and a very talented actress named Sybil, but when Sybil lost her talent to act, he started rejecting her, emphasizing that her beauty was in her heart and that she does not possess the physical beauty that could attract other people. This was the very first time that he discovered that his wish to stay young and good looking was fulfilled when he went home and saw his portrait was aging. He then decided to reconcile with Sybil, but he was informed the following day that she took her own life by taking hydrogen cyanide because of what he has done. In 18 years, he never fell in love again. He experimented with every vice, mostly under the influence of a "poisonous" French novel, which was a present from Lord Henry. *Wilde never revealed the title, but his inspiration was possibly drawn from Joris-Karl Huysmans's À rebours (Against Nature ) due to the likenesses that exist between the two novels.

In his lifetime, Dorian experimented with vices and substance abuse; he committed crimes (one of which is killing Basil). For some reasons, he decided to be good and again fell in love with Hetty Merton. He did all he can so as not to break her heart, stopped doing all his sinful acts and gave up his immoral ways. and went back to his apartment thinking that his portrait has returned in its most beautiful form. He unveiled his portrait to find it has become worse. Seeing this, he questions the motives behind his "mercy," whether it was merely vanity, curiosity, or the quest for new emotional excess. He thought that only full confession will absolve him. But soon, due to fear of the consequences and lack of feelings of guilt, he decides to destroy the last vestige of his conscience. In a rage, he plunged a knife at the heart of his portrait. His servants heard a cry from inside the locked room so they called the police. They find Dorian's body, stabbed in the heart, which now looks horribly withered and aged. It is only through the rings on his hand that his corpse can be identified. Beside him, the portrait has gained back its exceptional beauty and form.

• Start proper diet and exercise.

• Know the art of choosing the outfits that emphasize your assets.

• Sleep and drink lots of fluids.

• Learn the creative ways to use cosmetics depending on your own physical assets and liabilities.

• Choose the right skin care for your own skin type.

• Maintain proper hygiene.

• Stay Beautiful ON A Budget- This is a hub by yours truly about being beautiful and ways to be physically attractive.
  

And there are a million more ways, not to mention the more advanced ways to be physically attractive like aesthetic surgeries, which may include bust and nose lifts. Skin tanning and skin whitening are also very popular. Regaining your “virginity” in a physical manner is also possible through hymenoplasty.

Above all, we must realize the fact that EVERYONE can be physically attractive especially at this day and age where the aesthetic science is evolving to an extent that it could make you look like a Greek god/ goddess. Failing to measure up with your own society’s "definition" of what is beautiful makes you feel physically ugly IF you take it too seriously. There goes your self esteem… time and again, low self esteem unconsciously announces to the world how ugly you can get even if you are physically attractive. Everyone can get so physically beautiful… but not all can have the inside out beauty that everybody is truly aspiring for. Low self worth makes you feel ugly and eventually will manifest even in your own physical appearance and body language, it makes you less attractive.

• A Woman’s Guide to Finding Self- Esteem- This hub by Blondepoet emphasizes the many ways to having the right self esteem to enhance physical beauty. It helps one get the inside out grace and glamour.

The novel of Oscar Wilde somehow shows us what beauty is all about. It can never be present in every human if it is not in harmony with his inner self. The maintenance of physical beauty does not guarantee a beautiful life. Furthermore, your own perception and faith in your own beauty may be influenced greatly by your environment and if you let it get you, you may either get so obsessed at making yourself physically attractive or you may feel ugly if you are not able to cope with the standards that your environment is trying to show as something that is beautiful.

I can still remember when I was in high school, I was always teased by my friends because of my “big bottom”, and yet in my post graduate years, most girls admired that “big bottom” because that was the time that Jennifer Lopez became so popular. In my childhood, one of my friends hated her pouty lips, she despised them being so big, and yet now, so many women spend so much money just to make their lips pouty because of Angelina Jolie. And who could ever forget the voluptuous and ever so sexy Marilyn Monroe? Yet right now, very thin models represent the most popular brands, thus the advent of so many teenagers try to vow to be anorexic for life because of the new “standard” to what is beautiful, despite the lack of curves and bulges on the right body parts. These only show that interpretation of what is physically attractive can be “seasonal”.

Beauty and Science....

We may also notice that some alteration or disfigurement makes one physically attractive. The law of symmetry does not always apply in the real world. Again, the "Marquardt's Theory" may be appropriately compared to the line that goes “Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes…” as it is also implicated in the book, "This is Who I Am: Our Beauty in All Shapes and Sizes" by Roseanne Olson. "Marquardt’s Theory" in this sense may imply that a little off the ordinary can make you attractive.The faces of Julia Roberts and Reese Witherspoon for example are so attractive and captivating, analyzing them closer will make you realize that there is something about their chin which are out of the "ordinary" BUT THEY BOTH POSSESS SUCH AN ADORABLE BEAUTY. Take a good look at the choice for the role of Dorian Gray in the 2009 film, Ben Barnes has an extraordinary cleft chin which makes him stand out. Take a good closer look at the physical features of some people that you find attractive or beautiful and you will find something out of the ordinary.

Beauty may also be manifested by the Phi ( The Divine Proportion/ Golden Number- some think of the Golden Number as the Fibonacci Series), an infinite series of 1, or one can see it as 1 to the infinite; or the Pi (The Divine Number) which no human can ever calculate precisely (although Archimedes calculated it, he just provided an approximate value of 3.1416 which is still being used to the present). These products of science may show us that beauty is without any finite or measurable limits and no one can ever define it accurately in a detailed manner. It only shows that beauty is an endless overflow of what feeds the mind and the senses in myriad ways. That even science could not give it a definite point.

"....You must learn to see past established notions of beauty (tall, blond, blue eyed and slender) and realize that proportions know no size, height nor race. A fat woman with a 1:1.618 proportion will still invite attention more than a slender model who is stick thin." (Cecilia Beltran's comment for her hub "Beauty and the Brain").

Another extraordinary beauty that we know is Tyra Banks. She was the heaviest among her batch mates when she first modeled for Victoria's Secret, yet she gained the most attention from people all over the globe. In 2007, published photos of the supermodel, looking a little chubby wearing a swim suit, with the title "America's Next Top Waddle" came out. Tyra fired back by wearing the same swimsuit on her talk show displaying her lean and curvy new figure, which was a far cry from the distorted image. She even said that she's proud of her post-modeling curves. In all truths, Tyra looks beautiful than ever. She was 161 lbs in a 5’10" height. This can show us that one can be labeled as "fat" anytime whenever exposed to people who are more thin than them even if they are not actually fat.Tyra obviously has that Divine Proportion going on, she is a masterpiece of a Phi at work... NO SHE'S NOT FAT at all. She is a picture of real beauty and health- NOT the epitome of a fad called ANOREXIA.

As anything else in this world, we perceive beauty in vast and different ways. We must realize that what we perceive to be physically beautiful may not be perceived as such by others. The lines that says, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” may come to mind and realize once again what it really means, that we may see the same thing at the same time but may perceive it differently. This is the very reason why each of us SHOULD accept the fact that some may find us somewhat ugly and some may find us beautiful... and it should NEVER affect us greatly.

What really matters is that we must love ourselves no matter what size and shape or color we’re in. We only have to aspire to be healthy to prolong our life which may include common sense ways like gaining our ideal body weight and not trying to be anorexic for life or trying to be a glutton just to gain weight if we feel like we should be bigger on some parts of our body. Keep in mind too, that having the extra 5 to 10 lbs or the lack of it does not really add up to the physical ugliness and beauty of a person. Let us again be reminded that physical beauty does not guarantee an “insecurity- free” life. Some (if not most) good looking people could be more insecure compared to some who look “average” because they grew up catching attention with their physical beauty. Most good looking people may in some point find it very irritating to be stared at and the attention may become very suffocating. Enhancing our own uniqueness physically, spiritually and emotionally without the pressure to be like someone else makes us beautiful inside out.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if all of us felt really beautiful inside out? Most men and women don’t realize that criticizing other men or women can hurt their own ego. The judgment tool they use for others is the same tool that they use for themselves. Let us face the fact that some women/ men criticize other women/ men because they unconsciously compare themselves to their prey. I love one of the quotes in the book by Roseanne Olson, it came from a 51 year old woman, which goes like this: “I love being comfortable in my body. It has a certain grace that is distinctively mine.” Your own true appreciation of who and what you are sparks up your own ability to look and feel beautiful.

It is never too late to realize that we often let the outside world control our own beauty and ugliness, not realizing the fact that it is our choice to be beautiful or ugly whether physically or not. This is a fact that has been overseen in many decades. This is the beauty secret of women who are beautiful inside out... As to my friend, she is a woman of real inside out beauty, the ONLY "disfigurement" I've seen in her is having her own belief that she is not physically attractive.

“Physical beauty may leave us in wonderment and fleeting happiness… inner beauty can warm our hearts for life… but feeding our senses and our life with both gives us immeasurable joy and grace we can have even after we take the journey of life…” (DjBryle Works, “The Beauty at The Gates of The Beast Inside…”)

Copyright by DjBryle Works, 2010

Image courtesy of: Graur Razvan Ionut/ Freedigitalphotos.net; Graur Codrin/ Freedigitalphotos.net; Healingdream/ Freedigitalphotos.net

(This hub was inspired by the discussions of hubbers Cecilia Beltran, Petra Vlah and Jane Bovary; and of course, by a friend who will always be cherished no matter how ugly she could feel...)

*Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray", Highbeam Research, April 2007.