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Summer Vacation Destinations For Car Mechanics....Warning...May Cause Laughter

Updated on April 22, 2013

My Salute To Grease Monkeys

Before summer bids adieu, we need to say howdy to some very special people, those men and women who faithfully service our vehicles out of the kindness of their heart (and of course the $50 per hour we pay them).

Where would we be without them? Well, most of us would be walking for sure, and most of us would have a great deal more cash in our pockets, but that’s beside the point. The point is that these fine folk keep us drivers on the road and because of that they deserve a great vacation getaway.

With that in mind, here are some great destinations for our car mechanics to travel to this summer. Let’s just hope they don’t drive any vehicles that they have worked on, or they won’t make it ten miles down the road. LOL Just a little humor, folks; don’t get your torque converters in a knot!

So pack up your cars, vans and SUVs, and get ready to hit the roads of the United States before summer is gone. Have a great time!

Goodyear, Arizona
Goodyear, Arizona | Source

GOODYEAR, ARIZONA

Any year is a good year if you are a car mechanic, right? How could it not be? You control our lives and that has to make you feel pretty darn important. We silly Americans love our cars and we can’t seem to function without them. That puts you folks in the proverbial driver’s seat now doesn’t it?

Stop by Al’s Rest Stop while you are in town. A free continental breakfast awaits you and a nice little discount on a lube job by the Feel Good Ladies is an added bonus. Don’t worry, they will be about as gentle as you are when you are printing out those estimates for our replacement parts.

Greasy Corner, Arkansas
Greasy Corner, Arkansas | Source

GREASY CORNER, ARKANSAS

What a lovely little burg this is! Stop for lunch at the Stick-It-To-Them Café and have a nice greasy burger and fries. You will love it when you get your bill and see all of the extra charges tacked on. It’s just their way of saying they love the job you do repairing their cars.

At the café they will also give you an estimate of the cost of your meal, but don’t pay any attention to it at all. It really is meaningless drivel and nobody takes it seriously.

NASHVILLE, CALIFORNIA

This is a really cool town! They have a unique way of showing their appreciation to car mechanics. When you drive into Nashville everything seems normal, but by the time you drive out your car won’t be running properly. It’s magic and the townsfolk get a big kick out of it. Talk about going the extra mile to make you feel special; these people go out of their way to make you feel at home.

It’s all in fun and they will be glad to fix your car before you leave….for $50 an hour of course! Plan on spending a couple extra nights; most likely they will have to order your parts and you know how long that takes, right?

Grand Detour, Illinois
Grand Detour, Illinois | Source

GRAND DETOUR, ILLINOIS

You have to pay a visit to the Jacked Around Bingo Parlor on Game Night. Every Saturday you pay your money, wait two hours for a seat, and then play for four hours with no chance of winning. Go ahead and complain to the management; they will ignore you like an independent mechanic ignores state law. Great fun!

SURPRISE, INDIANA

Anyone who visits Surprise always stops in to see Dr. Grease for a free exam. That’s right, a free medical exam. He’s quite a practical joker that Dr. Grease. By the end of the exam he will find something wrong with you even though you are perfectly healthy. Makes a mechanic feel right at home now doesn’t it?

Did we mention that Dr. Grease is a proctologist? Just look for the sign that says "Bend Over Clinic" and you are there. We strongly suggest you don't buy Squirt out of the vending machine out front.

Ransom, Kansas
Ransom, Kansas | Source

RANSOM, KANSAS

This is the sister city of Nashville, California, and these people are practical jokers. Stay at the Leaky Gasket Inn. When you wake up in the morning you’ll notice your car is gone. Don’t worry; it’s just being held for ransom until you can pay the bill for a new maintenance check-up they did that you didn’t ask for.

They do have free legal services for anyone who doesn’t find the humor in this, but seriously, you can’t win in this town. Just pay the bill and limp out of town as quickly as possible.

Square Butte, Montana
Square Butte, Montana | Source

SQUARE BUTT, MONTANA

The residents of Square Butt have been looking at the butt cracks of mechanics for a long, long time, so they named their city after you. See a show at the Hairy Butt Cinema and then get a late-night snack at Tom’s Stinky Butt Café.

As you walk around town you’ll notice that all of the residents have low-riding jeans with tightly cinched belts, and they all smoke Marboros. It’s all in your honor so walk the streets proudly

HORNEYTOWN, NEBRASKA

Great town made up of former mechanics. If you are a guy visiting, please don’t be offended if the townsfolk ignore you. However, if you are a good looking woman, expect to be fawned over and talked down to.

SMILEY, TEXAS

Everyone smiles in Smiley, Texas, and it’s all because of you. Yes, you will pay ten times more than you should for products and yes, the service is atrocious. That’s why the citizens are smiling. Duh!

While in town you can dolly on down to the Rack n Pinion Market; they have a 2 for 1 sale on pads for your wife....brake pads of course! What did you think we meant?

How About Taking My Poll?

What Should Be The Next Installment in this Series?

See results

HAVE A GREAT VACATION

This is the last of this series, as summer is all but gone, and we all have to face another nine months of drudgery at our day job! I hope you have enjoyed this as much as I have in writing it. It’s all been in fun, folks, and I promise next summer to write one of these articles about freelance writers. Now that will be interesting for sure!

2012 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)

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    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      Sounds like a bunch of overrated, overpaid mechanics due for a vacation in places that suit them best!! Funny Bill, and enjoyed every paragraph!!

      (Not too sure I'd recommend Horneytown to my gal friends though.)

      Votes up and away.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Michelle, LOL....why not your girlfriends? Thanks my friend; I appreciate you once again.

    • carol7777 profile image

      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      I am still laughing.. You are very funny. But how true it is...and we never really know if anything is wrong with our cars. After spending 3000 on a car and it still is not running correctly it does make your wonder. I love all the spots especially GoodYear Arizona. Allow me to be the first to vote up and share.

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      Growing up my dad worked with General Motors in a dealership as a Parts Manager and then as a Service Manager, so I have heard all the horror stories of mechanics first hand. So that made reading this one ever so much more enjoyable and completely loved each one of your destination picks. Seriously very much enjoyed this series and would so love to see your destinations for freelance writers next summer! Have of course voted up, shared and tweeted too!!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Carol; I suppose I do hold a small resentment about mechanics and thus, this hub. I want to think they are honest but a part of me says "no way." Thank you for the share.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Janine, I hope your dad doesn't take offense in any way. I just toss out fun and see if it makes people laugh. Thank you as always my dear and I will make writers the first one next summer, just for you.

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      I've been patiently waiting for another installment. Thanks Bill! I really like Greasy Corner and Horney Town! I'm adding them to my bucket list! :))

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Linda, LOL....I kind of would like to see Horney Town myself. Thank you my friend; I hope you make it there some day.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

      Ha, this is hilarious! We had a mechanic "friend" who kept our '88 Chevy Blazer going and going until he suggested we finally let it die, but it was kind of funny we had to keep going back. One day our mechanic asked me, and this is for real, "Can someone sue us, if after we put his tires back on and when he drove off, one tire came off and rolled down the hill and he crashed his car?" Uh, duh, yes. Ha. Honest mechanics are hard to find, and on the local Christian radio here, they have been advertising one in a nearby city, and they are supposed to be really honest. Great hub of destinations for those mechanics. In His Love, Faith Reaper

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Faith, thank you! Can they sue us??? LOL...oh yes, they can sue you for just about anything these days.

      I'm glad you found this funny; I am grateful for your devoted following.

      Peace and happiness to you my friend.

    • Curiad profile image

      Mark G Weller 4 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

      Another great vacation hub Bill! Being an ex mechanic from the Air force and an ASE Master technician at a Jaguar dealer long ago, I can relate to this!

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      Great hub, and I won't take offense to this, since you know my hubby is a diesel mechanic and I live in the lap of luxury from all the money he rakes in by raking you smucks over the coals and holding your vehicles for ransom til you cough up for last dollar. :) Voted up and shared on my paper, Chime, tweeted, etc.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mark, I'm glad you like it and thank you buddy!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      TT, I'm certainly glad you don't hold it against me. I like having you on my side. :) Thanks for the share!

    • Austinstar profile image

      Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      Where do you find a mechanic that only charges 50 bux an hour? Certainly not in Smiley, TX

    • mwilliams66 profile image

      mwilliams66 4 years ago from Left Coast, USA

      Too funny Bill. I'm still roaring over Surprise, Indiana.

      Great hub to get my morning started.

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      My pleasure, Bill. And just think, if we get to move closer, you'll know a real shady mechanic to work on that car you don't own! :)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Austin, I was being generous....more like $70 per.....beats the money we make writing. :)

      Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Melissa, so nice to see you stop by. I know how busy you are and I am grateful for the visit. Glad you enjoyed.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      TT, maybe he can work on the motor scooter I'm going to get. :)

    • shruti sheshadri profile image

      shruti sheshadri 4 years ago from Bangalore, India

      Bill, you just try to reach every sphere of the world dont you? Always touching millions of hearts in a million different ways!

      A great hub... who would have thought about such topics but you? A true writer indeed :)

    • Austinstar profile image

      Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      heck, it even beats the money I was making doing blood transfusions for a living. But last I checked, our mechanic charged closer to $100 an hour.

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      Yep, Bill, he was trained on small engines all the way up to the ones that run cruise ships and tankers. :) Now if only he'd get a job on a cruise ship and can take his family with him....*dream job* :)

    • Lord De Cross profile image

      Joseph De Cross 4 years ago

      Mechanics don't rhym with honesty or helpful. They do rhym with stealing dynamics(not styling). There are some horror stories about them, I even wrote a hub about them. Sorry to tell you hub friends, but mechanics are close to ex cons, dealers (not car) and even deadbeat dads (under the table quick fix) You see Billy? I can keep going , and I better stop here. I should've add the town, "rot in hell," but Faith Reaper could've told me off. Great one Billy!

      50 bucks an hour? To use a screwdriver and mess up my radiator while I'm drinking an old coffee and a doughnut at their greasy piece of Hell???

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Shruti, I just have a very active imagination. :) Thank you for your kind words my young friend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Austin, I have seen then in this town charge that much....competition keeps the lower prices around...but most of us have a friend who will do the minor stuff for a six-pack. :)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      TT, wouldn't that be sweet? Looking forward to you guys moving here...it will be interesting to meet an honest mechanic. LOL

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Joseph, your comment was funnier than my hub! I sense there might be some bad blood between you and your mechanics??? I have had my own horror stories over the years. I'm not sure what it is about this job that seems to bring out the worst in people, but there are quite a few disreputable mechanics around. If you find an honest one, he is worth keeping. Thanks buddy!

    • TravelAbout profile image

      Katheryn 4 years ago from United States

      As always, gave me my morning laugh! You're so creative. Where do you find these towns???? I don't know how many of your fans watched the "I Love Lucy Show", but as I was reading, it reminded me of when the four drove to California and ended up in the middle of no where because Lucy was driving. They had to stay in that motel room with the train that went by all night and the beds would slide around the room when the train went by. So they tried to sneak out in the middle of the night and when they got in the car they had no steering wheel. The hotel owner had removed the steering wheel and held it as ransom until they paid for the room! For some reason your hub brought this pleasant memory to mind. Funny, lighthearted and voted up!

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image

      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      Too funny! ^_^ This is the first of this series I've read. I'm going to have to go back and look for your others! voted up and funny!!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Kim; the one for the proctologists is my favorite. :)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Travel, you had me laughing. I remember that episode like it was yesterday. Oh how I laughed at that show. Great memories my friend. Thank you for mentioning that and I'm glad you enjoyed this silliness.

    • TravelAbout profile image

      Katheryn 4 years ago from United States

      My husband compares me to Lucy. Don't know exactly what he means by that? LMAO

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Travel, he probably means you are adorable! LOL

    • Relationshipc profile image

      Kari 4 years ago from Alberta, Canada

      After a summer full of car problems (both inside and out of the mechanics), I love this hub! I would love to send a few of the guys I met this year to Ransom, Kansas. Lol TT - too funny.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Relationship, I know exactly how you feel. I missed my calling when I decided on a career. I could have retired by now.

      Thank you my friend!

    • TravelAbout profile image

      Katheryn 4 years ago from United States

      If you mean adorable as in "pain in the rear end", perhaps you are right. LOL

    • rcrumple profile image

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Bill -

      Square Butt got me. LMAO I'm disappointed though, you've already used Dr. Grease. You should have used him with the IRS. As I used to say, "Proctologists and Tax Auditors are one in the same...the deeper they search, the more they find, and the more it hurts!"

      Have a great one, my friend! This was another winner!

    • Made profile image

      Madeleine Salin 4 years ago from Finland

      With those prices they should afford going to all destinations. Lol! I wouldn't want their job though. Car mechanics' hands and clothes are always black. Magnus is a car mechanic but haven't been working with that very much. He's into wood flooring. My sister's spouse is a car mechanic and our neighbour.

      Funny and enjoyable hub!

    • Trinity M profile image

      Trinity M 4 years ago

      Another stellar performance and just in time for my annual service… I’m shuddering at the idea already. I think I’ll recommend some of these great vacation spots and score myself a discount?? LOL!

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 4 years ago from sunny Florida

      hee hee...billy buc...i needed a chuckle..knew i would find it here...believe it or not, i have not visited any of these towns. mayhaps it because i am not a mechanic, ya' think? hee hee

      This was a great dose of chuckles on a very rainy day here in north Florida. TY TY :)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Travel, I'll refrain from comment. LOL

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Rich, the end of a series for now. Winter is calling and vacations are coming to an end. I'll roll this out again next summer and we'll see what we can come up with.

      Thank you buddy!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Made, tell Magnus it's not personal! LOL I don't want him mad at me.

      Thank you my dear! Sending hubs to Finland.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Trinity, it might be a good idea if you skipped mentioning this! Just a thought!

      I love it when you visit! I'm waiting patiently for that home-schooling hub of yours.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      pstraubie, we sent the rain your way. Don't try to thank us; we were glad to get rid of it.

      Thank you my friend.

    • Julie DeNeen profile image

      Blurter of Indiscretions 4 years ago from Clinton CT

      Aww, I'm sad this series is ending...so many vacation destinations I've been able to bookmark. hehe :P

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sorry Julie; more coming in the spring. Thanks buddy!

    • FreezeFrame34 profile image

      FreezeFrame34 4 years ago from Charleston SC

      Very funny. I'm sure my brother (auto mechanic) would love these places! Sharing for sure! Thanks for the laugh!

    • Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

      Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

      Funny, but somehow these aren't on my travel bucket list yet. I better add them even though I'm not a car mechanic!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Freeze, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Let me know how your brother enjoys his vacation. :)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Glimmer, you simply have to visit some of these places. They are a must. :)

      thank you

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      sorry about this Bill. ANYONE READING THIS - VOTE FOR MORTICIAN! thank you

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Martin, I have started and stopped that particular hub three times; I keep thinking I'm going to offend people who have just had a loss of someone. It's partially done and just sitting here.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hilarious, I have a mechanic in the family who will LOL..Thank's for a fun read..

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      My pleasure Ruby! I hope they see the humor in it. :) Thank you my friend!

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 4 years ago

      Surprise, IN. is right... they can never get the bill estimate right! I voted for morticians, but I see that the other two are a higher request. Enjoyed the read.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Dianna, I actually have the morticians one half done, but then I quit on it because I was afraid I would upset too many people who might be suffering from a recent loss. I'll hold onto it and I'm sure I'll print it eventually.

      Thank you and have a great upcoming weekend.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 4 years ago from United States

      I love these vacation hubs as they are so funny and this one was no exception. Any of the 4 other you listed would be great I'm sure. It is good to read a hub and get a good laugh. Thanks.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Pamela, it is good to get some laughs. I try to have a funny hub each week, just to keep myself balanced and not so serious. Thank you my dear and I"m glad you enjoyed it.

    • thelyricwriter profile image

      Richard Ricky Hale 4 years ago from West Virginia

      Bill, your a pure genius at writing. Humor goes a long way, more then some may think. Another great article to another great series Bill. Speaking of your series, they are all great Bill. Just glad that I have the pleasure of reading them.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Sir! I have to drag out the humor every once in awhile so people don't' think I'm just some ranting and raving lunatic. :) I appreciate it and have a great weekend.

    • girishpuri profile image

      Girish puri 4 years ago from NCR , INDIA

      A great vacation hub, Your description reveals all these places are awesome worth watching, awesome share, thanks

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Girishpure; I am happy that you enjoyed it.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      Oh yes what a great hub ;I loved it and award you my special Up up and away!!!

      Take care and have a wonderful day

      Eddy.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Eddy, they have you bouncing around like a Yo-Yo, don't they? Thank you my dear; it's so nice to have you back....and another old friend of mine came back....Poetvix.....so now I'm a very happy Hubber! :)

    • Suzie HQ profile image

      Suzanne Ridgeway 4 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

      Hi Bill,

      How'd I miss this one????? I mean talk about hitting home!! I'm with TT as "me other 'af is one of them" rip off greasers.LOL Of course he's not . . . .honest as the day is long is Mike. I laughed soooo much at this, loved the lube ref from the ladies . . .classic!! lol Have bookmarked for him to read, I think he will find hillarious as I do!! votes and sharing, well done my friend, I have some catching up to do on your latest works of wonderful words!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Suzie, tell Mike no hard feelings! LOL Good to see you back; I assume you have been busy and not getting into trouble. Thank you my dear, and have a wonderful weekend!

    • profile image

      mjkearn 4 years ago

      Hi Billybuc

      Jeeeeesuuuus love this hub and love your humour. As a fully paid up member of the grease monkey clan I have to give this the thumbs up and remember to charge you $60 an hour.

      $50 dollars an hour in the USA, boy I gotta move.

      I have to disagree with controlling your life as the last Judge told me that I couldn't control a 10 ton block of concrete.

      As to 10 miles down the road. Oh I wish my repairs would last so long as it would stop customers walking back to complain.

      My partner says my butt crack's too skinny for a real mechanic and that's why I can't charge a good hourly rate but she is keen to see a show at the Hairy Ass Picture House.

      I'm very used to being ignored but I still want to visit Horneytown.

      Voted up, ticked and shared. Fab hub, great laugh and I can't wait for more of you humour.

      MJ aka Mickeyjoe aka Babycakes.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      MJ.....love your sense of humor. I'm sitting here by myself laughing my ass off. Great fun and $50 per hour for mechanics is low in the U.S. Time to get your work permit and move that skinny butt crack over here. :)

      Thanks my friend; best of luck to you with that 10 ton block of concrete.

      bill

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