Constructive criticism please...

  1. destiny357 profile image60
    destiny357posted 5 years ago

    This is my second hub and I would appreciate any constructive criticism. … n-Year-Old

  2. Brupie profile image84
    Brupieposted 5 years ago

    "He had been drinking again like he usually does on Friday nights. She argued with him as always. Some nights they scream at each other for hours and go to separate parts of the house."

    In three sentences you've used three different verb tenses.  This isn't necessarily wrong, but you seem to switch back and forth a lot.  It disrupts the flow of the story, distracts and makes it hard to follow.  I would also tone down the use of adverbs and qualifiers (usually, again, some).  Sometimes less is more. 

    Here's an alternative:

    Like so many Friday nights, he was drunk.  She argued with him and they screamed at each other for hours, then went to their separate parts of the house.

    35 words to 29, one tense,three sentences to two

    1. destiny357 profile image60
      destiny357posted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I actually deliberately wrote it that way but you are totally right, your way does flow easier.. Thank you for the input:)