I have a fan that's being too friendly

1. 88

   Dorsiposted 15 years ago

   I've never had this happen, someone contact me on my email through hubpages and asking me for more pics, and an inappropriate advance towards me.
   Is this the price of fandom?
   Ughhh!!!!!!!!!!!
   

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      SamurWriterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      you can report him to hubpages and they will warn him, if he continues he will lose his account.
      
      Jerrico
      
      p.s. why doesn't any one ever stalk me? lol

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      SirDentposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      In addition to ignoring, you can also set the spam filter on his email addy. If you want revenge. publish his email addy all over the internet and let the spider bots pick it up and he will get so much junk mail it isn't funny. 

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      compu-smartposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      This is where one of my favorite sayings comes into play...
      "Ignorance is bliss"
      Ignore the mails Dorsi!

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      Poppa Bluesposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      No it's the price of fame!

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   RFoxposted 15 years ago

   Yikes, that sux!

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   Mishaposted 15 years ago

   I would just ignore them

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      Dorsiposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      That's what I was thinking- to not even respond. Any response would probably encourage them and I don't want that.
      Now, what they should know is that I have a very burly husband that would kick their butt...lol!!!

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         RFoxposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Yep, having a good man about the house is a great security device....lol

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            spryteposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            Err...no offense Misha...but it loses something with the lipstick and flower in your hair.

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               Mishaposted 15 years agoin reply to this

               LOL Even with all that camouflage I can still knock you off

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         Dottie1posted 15 years agoin reply to this

         This has happened to me too, Dorsi.  To just ignore is the best  advice.  I just checked the profile of the one saying and emailing me and he is still registered with hubpages but has not made any comments on any hubs for 2 months.  Just keep your eyes open!

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         Jerrico Usherposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         They might be more scared if you had a burly husband with a few computer certs in ethical hacking technologies, cause then he could track them down a burly husband means nothing online, he who knows the most about anonymity (spell?) and IP technology wins this game... Cyber stalkers however are taking these courses to hide behind these technolgies, I find this disturbing...
         
         But what this guy should know is if he leaves any comments, emails etc.. his IP address is shown. If not in commetns box HubPages can track him by IP and other authorities can find him even if he switches accounts or uses another service etc... if he's not skilled in computer tracking he's making a dumb move here stalking you.. but he may just be a cyber jerk so just ignore him and he'll go away. or he will have his IP banned by hubpages and cannot comment/email you even if he's not a hubber IP banning blocks him completely from the service in any way.
         
         J

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         Marisa Wrightposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         ...and it would also reveal your email address, which would make things even worse.
         
         Julie - for the same reason, I would be sending any reply from some other email address!

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            Jerrico Usherposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            Yea don't respond in hubpages it will show them your email addy! I sent someone an email once and started getting all sorts of friend invites to tiwtter and other services (with this persons name and face all over it literally) I don't know why hubpages doesn't make it fully anonymouse to use the email part of this service like most forum services do.
            
            However I realized you can change your email address in the top box to cloak your real email.. you have to do this with each mail you send out, the box can be edited, just put a useless email address (doesn't have to be real).
            
            Jerrico

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               Marisa Wrightposted 15 years agoin reply to this

               But it is anonymous!   People can send you an email, but they don't know your email address unless you reply - and you can always choose to reply from another email address if you're concerned.

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                  Jerrico Usherposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                  I guess that's true, you could also reply just by going back to their profile and using their email thing again, just paste in their email and your reply... I do this actually never thought about it, since shalini started sending me all those emails requesting I join all those clubs of hers I stopped replying directly... (no offense shalini I think your peaches but I get enough emails )
                  
                  jerrico

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         2. 63

            Julie-Ann Amosposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            Sorry I did miss that out.  I use another address to send those mails.  Didn't put that in the instruction set.  (I also do a different voice on the phone calls - one of the joys of being an audio recording voice, I get to do non-me voices).

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               Jerrico Usherposted 15 years agoin reply to this

               If you use that service spam arrest you can sign up your accounts using one of their spoof address options you can delete the address and change it in your account if you get a stalker

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      Dottie1posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Looking good there Misha!  Please take note, I am NOT being too friendly! lol

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         Mishaposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you Dottie, Milla tried to do her best

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   RFoxposted 15 years ago

   Good advice Misha.
   
   Any attention whether negative or positive seems to encourage those folks.
   
   I had a neighbor who stalked me once, hence why my picture will never be on the internet in an open community. I gave him zero attention and I still had to move away to get rid of the guy.
   
   What is wrong with the world?

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      SamurWriterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Too much Free Will.. I bet if people had to pay for it they'd think twice about their actions huh?

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   Mishaposted 15 years ago

   LOL absolutely!

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   AEvansposted 15 years ago

   I think know that you brought it to everyone's attention he may cool off. If you have to get him booted and flagged.

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      AEvansposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Or simply tell him if your husband doesn't harm him Smith & Wesson will

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   SweetiePieposted 15 years ago

   It is better to ignore this type of behavior.  I learned this on myspace long ago .  Responding to them just seems to fuel their behavior .

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8. 78

   Shadesbreathposted 15 years ago

   If it's an attractive female that's bothering you, feel free to have her switch her attention to me.  I will look at any pictures she wants to send in the interest of butressing her self esteem etc.  I am here to help.

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      Jerrico Usherposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      butressing? did you mean addressing?

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         Shadesbreathposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         No, I meant buttressing (just would have been funnier if I'd spelled it right - that's what I get for trying to be witty right before bed).

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            Sally's Troveposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            Maybe the word is bolstering?  Usually, a buttress is something you put up against a wall to keep it from falling down under pressure from above.  LOL.

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   relacheposted 15 years ago

   You shouldn't even be posting this stuff.  Report this person to HubPages admin, and to their own ISP.

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      Jerrico Usherposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I don't think this is something she can't post, she is seeking advice from the community for a problem, she isn't the one making all the rude comments about the guy, everyone else is, She was simply asking for ideas for dealing with it and hubpages can really only tell her to ignore him and report him if he continues. I do think that this thread has lost its usefulness however and should be closed.
      
      Jerrico

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10. 0

    pgrundyposted 15 years ago

    I don't think its the internet--I think its just life. I was stalked by a former college professor for years. It finally stopped when he remarried. I reported him to the administration and everything, and amazingly, they said he had quite a file but urged me to try to understand that "he's a very trouble man--he really deserves our sympathy, not legal action."  lol!
    
    Yeah, right! What a creep.
    
    Just ignore this loser. I don't know how people get this way. It is sad, but when you are the target it's harder to be sympathetic because it's so hostile and creepy.

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       Jerrico Usherposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       This is a symptom of low self esteem and having deamons in their closet. The stalking thing is a sickness that's caused by desperation to feel something they're lacking in that this person somehow, even though they are obviousely not interrested, fulfills. They rationalize your anger, your pushing them away, your restraining order, as you just not realizing something, the irony is that they think your the one who is sick!
       
       The victim the stalkee is cursed with having something that this person is obsessed over, be it looks, or being too nice to this person and they latched on to you thinking you meant something more than you did. (remember cable guy with jim carry?)
       
       It's alot like when you lose someone your in love with but can't let it go, and to the stalker they develop this sense of urgency- life or death in nature- to get whatever they assume you will give them. They don't see your negitive reaction to them they see only the possibility that they can change your mind, they don't often even realize how they are acting, and can't understand why "you" have forsaken "them". Some stalkers do so for the sole purpose of your negative reaction however so be careful, the more you push them away or reject them the stronger they seem to come.
       
       The thing that makes this volitile and dangerous is that once they're fixated on you nothing else matters to them, nothing is as important as winning you over, and nobody, not even you or consequences (like being put in jail) will shake them out of this trance.. It's misplaced desperation at best... Until they find another way to fulfill what it is you mean to them (even if its all a fantasy and not real) then they won't go away...
       
       I had a friend who had a stalker and I did a bunch of research in psychology to figure out how to deal with her, I discovered what it was this woman was so obsessed with and redirected her obsession to something less animate, it seemed to work although she returned again later, this gave me insight into what it was that triggered her stalker mentality.. It's the cable guy.. the smarter your stalker the more scary it becomes as they become dangerous if they start to lose patience with you...
       
       The best way to deal with it is in the first few days you know about it.. be very rude, very direct, make it clear to them you are not interrested, if you try to be nice about it and let it drag on trying to simply ignore it they will build a tollerance for your direct approach. Be nice once, then lose it on him the second time if he didn't get the hint. Then take legal action if they return the third time. The restraining order etc.. will let them know your not going to play this game.
       
       Remember we teach people how to treat us, if were nice too many times we teach them that with enough resistence they will get through to you, by being nice once you say look I don't want to hurt your feelings but... by being nice the second time you teach them that persistence works, by being blunt and rude the second time you teach them that your not going to be mrs nice woman anymore- BACKOFF!
       
       The thing to keep in mind is teach them that their persistence will only make things worse, the third time you take legal action, or do something that could scare them, each time you have to escalate your response. This actually works pretty well if you do it right, it's how I helped my friend get rid of the stalker.. They will not push if it's a hopeless case or if their actions prove more problematic than potentially helpful or rewarding. You have to defuse that you = reward.
       
       Jerrico

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11. 61

    Ntweetydposted 15 years ago

    I agree that I would a) take it as a compliment...b) ignore any further comments ...c) if he does contact you again THEN i would contact hubpages and report him.
    It is sad that there at sick people out there like him.  But we are also protected from them.  We just have to take the appropriate actions to do so.
    Good luck.  You will be OK. 

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       Julie-Ann Amosposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       If it gets bad and it's hitting your email inbox not just HubPages try this: - and you can also do this for phone calls (yes I was once young and glamorous enough to have stalkers of my own, oh ye of little faith!)
       
       Create a nice official looking "autoreply" and send it back to every mail from them - stating that
       
       "All emails from this sender IP address and/or email address are being referred to the [insert appropriate official body] due to reports of abusive correspondence.  Should the message be found to be legitimate, it will be forwarded to the intended recipient without further delay.  If not, it will be dealt with by the appropriate authorities.  Your IP address has been logged for future reference."
       
       Honestly, it works.
       
       I have also been known to answer my own phone with:
       
       "Calls to this number are being monitored for abusive action.  Please state your name, caller, and stay on the line while we ask the lineowner if they are willing to accept your call."  Click (that's them hanging up before you can say another word).
       
       Sheesh I'm devious sometimes!

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          Mishaposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          I guess you are still glamorous enough... can I be your stalker?

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             Roger Ragerposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Watch out ladies, Misha is a confirmed lesbian.

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             Julie-Ann Amosposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Oooh please!

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          Dorsiposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          Good ideas. I am just not going to respond to this person, and if I get another email then I will forward it to HubPages and go from there. And I didn't even think it about but yes, if I replied they would know my personal email ( although I think if anyone wants to seriously stalk someone they can get lots of information on the web for relatively cheap price)
          And the email wasn't threatening as it was just more surprising that someone would approach me like that for more pics and stuff.

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          Jerrico Usherposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          WOW Your goood! That's simply brilliant. (adding to toolbox)

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    spryteposted 15 years ago

    Julie-Ann;
    
    Wonderful tips!  I love it!

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       Julie-Ann Amosposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Sigh - I SO used to enjoy answering those phone calls!

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    webismineposted 15 years ago

    Great tips Julie Ann Such odd people deserve this kind of treatment

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    Rangerwifeposted 15 years ago

    Does your email have the ability to block?  You might want to do that.

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    Craig P. Gillposted 15 years ago

    I have had defamatory e-mails, inappropriate and/or illicit e-mails and even pictures sent to me!  I have found that an attempt to shame them into ceasing works well. I post their comments! Profile name, their comments, everything.... it brings awareness to other community members and also to the moderators. Usually does not continue after that.
    Good luck!

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       Jerrico Usherposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Do you realize that a quick glance at your avatar picture doesn't look like someone holdin out their empty pocket but actually looks somewhat like something else? This may be one reason

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    Len Cannonposted 15 years ago

    If I've died tomorrow, well.  This is why.
    
    

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       Dorsiposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Wow you need to report that!! That's creepy!!

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    Julie-Ann Amosposted 15 years ago

    Hey, maybe I HAVE got stalkers (other than Misha that is) - red ^ and ^^ traffic arrows all over my hubs list tonight out of the blue!

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