Silence Defies The Heart

Some are bound to be alone.

Seizan - Seated Horse -
Seizan - Seated Horse - | Source
Little Mother by Hyde -
Little Mother by Hyde - | Source

Not everyone gets to choose.

'Silence Defies the Heart.' An awesome poem of life and hope by Pearldiver, about what it means to be an absentee, unable for whatever reason, to share one's time and life with one's children or family. It is about the emotions that remain long after the initial separation is made between a parent and a child, the pain, the hope, soul searching, the realization and most significantly; the emptiness of hollow silence.

Not everyone has the opportunity to live and grow within a functioning family unit and there are a wide variety reasons for that situation. Throughout history, wars have taken the lives of many parents and always heavily affected the lives of those left to adjust and cope with the loss, emotional costs of separation and the need to keep moving forward. In such circumstances however, in many ways there are balances that are brought about by the finality of the death of that parent and thus allows moving forward positively, can be achieved, merely because of the deep healing power of knowing.

For many others, there is a subconscious burden of deeply set emotional inabilities effectively created by coping with growing up not knowing the absentee parent, or whether that person has ever cared, or does care about his or her child.

To have a positive balance and real level of certainty in life, allows one to develop to one’s greatest capacity and thus do so, without the negative driving force of anger, shame or blame, directed at the absentee parent. Ironically however, irrespective of the circumstances, the parties tend to overlook the fact that they carry similar genes. For the parents going it alone it is not always a selfish action on their part, even though it may perceived that way. Sometimes, distance and lack of communication, allows all the parties to find their respective ways in life.

Copyright © 2012 - 2013 Pearldiver nzpol with all rights reserved

Please... Respect the author's Copyright on this material.

From the Childs perspective:

Which of these key issues do you consider to be the largest negative factor created as a result of absentee parenting?

  • Feelings of Desertion.
  • Development of Anger.
  • Becoming Highly Selfish.
  • Loss of Self Esteem.
  • Disrespect of Authority
  • Major Trust Issues.
  • Denial of Feelings.
See results without voting

Other factors that relate to parental absenteeism.

Sadly, when absenteeism has come about as a result of divorce or relationship breakup, often silence and the alienation of the absentee parent by the children, is really spawned from within an intentional, selfish influence forced on everyone by the remaining parent who makes the most of that negative influence over the children. This tends to be a major issue for many fathers who find that the law tends to generally support the mother and her 'parenting' needs, much to the detriment of the father's, or child's real relationship needs.

Men as a whole, do not cope well with such scenarios and perhaps that, along with the possibility of further rejection, in many respects helps support the perceptions of not caring or finding the ability to discuss their true heartfelt feelings openly. Just ask a father if he feels the same as the wrongly dictated to character Robin Williams played in the film Mrs. Doubtfire, or watch closely, as they melt down from this situation, inwardly and silently.

'Silence Defies The Heart' was written for all the purposes above. The issues referred to have not been expanded upon in this article, as the poem below is the core of this work by Pearldiver. If this poem fits the circumstances within your life, then as the author, I hope that my words will help to bring back the opportunities to communicate and talk to one another from the heart, while the hearts still beat. Please enjoy this poem of hope and life.

Copyright © 2012 - 2013 Pearldiver nzpol with all rights reserved

Sometimes it's just about the paths we take just to find our way.

- The paths we take -
- The paths we take - | Source

Factually, being silent does not always denote guilt.

Source

Sometimes it's circumstances or other's influence silencing us.

Source
- Barriers - Bamboo Screens -
- Barriers - Bamboo Screens - | Source

It's a lonely way we love when:

'Silence Defies The Heart.'

- ♥ -

I can’t ignore the constant sound of past rains anymore

Their waves of doubt demanding confidence to wane

So many years lost, clutching those guiding perceived fears

While a heart cries out, on all those empty days


This silence defies my heart and soul so much

It leaves them forever scarred, hopelessly restrained

This silence defies all words we needed to say

And fuels the doubt, that talking could take away


In muted words I tell you things, you’ve never heard

I’ve told you every day, how much I really care

Declared my love and always missed, your energy

Can you forgive, not blame, nor be ashamed, by this silent plea?

Or find the truth within, angry neutral spaces, that we share?


This silence defies every pleasure of love and life

Just frigid, barren walled defenses, repressing vocal gain

This silence defies all words we needed to say

And fuels, the fears, that knowing could take away


Though our lives are a sequence of choices

We often don’t consider their consequence at all

Sometimes we must make really hard decisions

In duress, our backs firmly pressed, against walls

When we are young, others do try to influence us

Turn us against those whom we would love, differently


This silence defies every parent’s hope for their child

Yet can’t justify lost trust, or the flicker, in a dying flame

This silence just defies all words we needed to say

And fuels the blame, those words would take away


It’s raining and I can’t ignore, your disappointment anymore

You need to know, how proud I am of you, on any given day

And know that these are far more, than merely muted words

For loudly, great souls speak out, beyond any need to say


I’ve loved you in silence now through too many unreal fears

I never faltered in my hope it was, a silence that we both heard

Intuitively, I’ve felt the putdowns and sensed your raining tears

I wish you knew calm hearts always beat silently, on rainy days

Can you not feel me beating, within the pulse, of all your ways?


This silence defies the heart of all truth, that you’ve never heard

But you’ve had time to understand life circles, in more than words

There's a very special silence when hearts beat, so that love can pray

And in every parent’s soul, the paths they took, just to find their way

In time’s silent anticipation is hope defined, in the words we need to say!

"It's Time That We Talked! - Today!"

___________♥___________

♥ Words by Pearldiver ♥

Copyright © 2012 - 2013 Pearldiver nzpol with all rights reserved

So many people allow their perceived fears to dictate their life.

Perceived Fears
Perceived Fears | Source

This article and original poetry is Subject to Copyright © 2012 - 2013 Pearldiver nzpol with all rights reserved. Respect This.

Pearldiver
Pearldiver | Source

More by this Author


Thank you for your Comment. 24 comments

cclitgirl profile image

cclitgirl 4 years ago from Western NC

Wow! What a moving hub. One that also calls attention to the fact that many fathers out there do, in fact, care. Voted up and SHARING.


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 4 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi cclitgirl, thank you for reading this and your comment is most welcome. Yes, many fathers really do care, but in many cases that affection is defected by hostile ex-partners influencing the children. That is a very common scenario and really does a lot of damage worldwide, including suicides. I'm glad that you enjoyed this poem.. I appreciate your support.. cheers, you take care.


savanahl profile image

savanahl 4 years ago

What a powerful poem and great images. Voting up.


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 4 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi savanahi, thank you for your compliments and kind words. I'm pleased that you enjoyed this poem.. it is a hard subject to write, from the absentee's perspective. I hope that it worked. Cheers for reading it.. take care.


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 4 years ago from India

Very moving, very powerful. 'I've loved you in silence...' - so heartbreaking and poignant. Strange how no words can evoke such negative feelings.


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 4 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi Shalini, wow,thank you for your positive words.. I'm glad that you enjoyed this poem.. I was going to turn it into the lyrics of a song, which I guess shows within the flow of the poem. Silence certainly can be a negative in life if it ranks beside an enforced inability to naturally communicate with loved ones. Nice to see you Shalini, once again cheers for taking the time.. you take care out there.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

I am sure many can relate to this beautiful poetry. It speaks a truth, just because you are an absent parent doesn't mean you don't love them. Many are afraid of rejection so they remain silent..Very thought provoking..Bravo...


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 4 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi Ruby, thank you so much for your positive comments here. I'm pleased that you enjoyed the spirit and flow of this poem of hope for absentee parents. Yes, rejection or the feeling of it, really is a twin edged sword isn't it, as it severely cuts through the original relationship and then continues to dwell with the wounds left unhealed, by the power and influence of the original cut! Very sad.

Thanks for taking the time and helping to dispel the negative generalization/perception of absenteeism... Take care.


SomewayOuttaHere profile image

SomewayOuttaHere 4 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

"i've loved you in silence"...."a silence that we both heard"....beautifully written....hard to write this piece i bet

yes, Rob, far too many parents and their children...usually Dads and their children...have been tormented in silence and silently loved...sadly, some breakups and the fallout, overshadows the hearts and souls, without clear thought on the long term impact...forever in most cases...forever is a long time....the ultimate pain...

xo


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 4 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi ML, thanks for your positive words and for taking the time to read this poem. No, it is a hard subject, but I do not find hard subjects hard to write about at all. Perhaps that is because I understand those subjects and can relate to them from a life in which I have encountered and dealt with so many human frailties, that I gained depth and compassion from, along with experience.

I believe that if my words can genuinely bring light and warmth to a cold, dark place.. then I have achieved far more than any cynics or apathetic experts could ever dream of achieving.. Some words must be spoken Someway. I am merely a lucky one who has the courage to speak, to engage and to understand.. plus I'm a Dragon and it's my year.. I'm glad you liked my words.. thanks for being so kind.. take care huh.


SomewayOuttaHere profile image

SomewayOuttaHere 4 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

...yup...speak out and up......from the heart and soul.......

peace.....kia ora koe


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 4 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Cheers, I guess when one has the ability to write, it would be of no value if they chose not to write. Hahaha.. From what I've experienced in my backward life, I chose to teach myself to write... now I just have to learn how to gain the ability to write well! Take care mate.


lilyfly profile image

lilyfly 4 years ago from Wasilla, Alaska

At least you had the chance. I've been a hermit all my life, too cowardly jump into the gene pool. But this poem is so good, that I forget it's grinding commonality with things I don't share. You have a gift, a great one, sorry I cannot relate, but, You are right just the samee...lily


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 4 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi Lily, thank you for your words and for taking the time to read this work. You know.. if you allow a crack to develop into a break, then you endorse the permanence of the damage. Don't waste a talented life by allowing it to only survive in an empty place.. if you do then you will never relate to how others deal positively with issues and how they see and appreciate your positive attributes.

Don't beat yourself up over the cards that you have been dealt.. learn to play them better and more productively than those who you perceive to have been dealt more superior cards than you... as life is in reality, what you make of it. Refine your energies so that they work for you, rather than you working for them.. try it and you'll see that it works... take care and thanks for sharing your cards.


donnaisabella profile image

donnaisabella 4 years ago from Fort Myers

Well done and well written. Normally before the silence, there is the explosive circumstances that lead to it. A lot of men will first explode in words and arguments and attempts to control a situation. When it fails, they withdraw into silence. By then, a lot of harm has been done. The explosive behaviors have sent a wrong message and normally it is, "I do not love you", then the silence that follows is message too, "And I do not care about you and you can do whatever you like with the kids." If an attempt to fight to keep is made, the interpretation is, "he is trying to separate me from my kids." Surely in a lot of circumstances like that, there is no winner and as you correctly note, the only losers are the poor kids who cannot have the love of both their parents. How sad. Thanks for writing.


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 4 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi donnaisabella, thanks for taking the time to read and comment on this article and poem. I agree with most of what you are saying, though this was not about the reasons couples split, even though I take your point in regard to what can lead up to that silence.

There are thousands of reasons why parents split.. but also many reasons why the choice has been removed from the absentee parent, irrespective of whether that party is male or female. Ultimately, yes it is a sad situation and one which should not be enveloped in reasons why or justification for it occurring, but more from the perspective of mitigating the overall damage and waste, as a result of it happening. Cheers for your fine input, you take care.


shimmering Dawn profile image

shimmering Dawn 4 years ago

This is beautiful, painful silence. I loved this part of your composition especially..

In muted words I tell you things, you’ve never heard

I’ve told you every day, how much I really care

Declared my love and always missed, your energy

Can you forgive, not blame, nor be ashamed, by this silent plea?

Or find the truth within, angry neutral spaces, that we share?

and this one resonates within my soul ...

Can you not feel me beating, within the pulse, of all your ways?

Oh Wow! Your words are so soul stirring! Have a blessed day! Peace and joy!


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 4 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi shimmering Dawn, thank you for your compliments and for reading the depth of this piece. I believe it is a subject that needed to be written to be soul stirring and from the heart.. as it holds a message of silence that needs to be heard. I'm pleased that you liked Silence defies the Heart as it called for a strong advocate to represent all those who have experienced the pain. Cheers.. you take care.


Joy56 profile image

Joy56 4 years ago

wow that was so heavy..... Men are complex..... I am beginning to feel that men are far more complex than us ladies, though everyone seems to think the opposite.

Hugs to you and yours...... Silence, it helps to be heard.


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 4 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hey Brenda, It wasn't really meant to be 'heavy' but if it gets the message across for absentee dads caught up in a custody debarcle, then great. It's not merely men being complex.. the complexities are human, irrespective of sex. Thanks for taking the time to read this and for your great comment Brenda.. Enjoy your Spring lambs and take care.


Dee aka Nonna profile image

Dee aka Nonna 4 years ago

I stopped to read this because of the title. This is so powerful and you brought forth some amazing points. Extremely thought provoking...this was a game changer for me in so many ways. I try very hard not to judge people or situation, if at all possible. This will stay with me as a reminder. Thank you. Voted up.


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 4 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi Dee aka Noona, thanks for taking the time to read and comment so positively on this piece. I wrote this because so often fathers do not have the words or the ability to speak them from the heart and so often, it is that absence of words that leave protracted sadness in so many.

Thank you for your great words and for your support, as it is the support of those who read my works, who provide the platform and the ability to touch so many. Cheers.. you take care.


LaThing profile image

LaThing 3 years ago from From a World Within, USA

Wow, I am speechless! This is an extraordinary piece, so moving, touching the heart and the soul! Beautifully written from the heart...... You can't help but feel it! Thanks for sharing, PD.


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 3 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Thanks for that... yes this was written on a sensitive subject for all too many people who would rather ignore or avoid the issues that relate to the subject. 'Silence Defies the Heart' is an appropriately nominated title that does justice to this piece... what I wrote 'had to be' that good and heartfelt... how else could those too blinded by their own apathy see, hear, or understand how another feels when their heart is 'ripped out' in such circumstances...

Thank you for appreciating the true value of words that so many are often too ashamed to except... truth is like that, reality is far too easy for so many to dodge or sidestep... hence the name, the passion and the heart... take care... PD

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