Seeking Constructive Criticism and Advice

1. 59

   flightofdestinyposted 12 years ago

   I recently published my very first short story and am seeking some criticism and advice before continuing with this style of writing. Any help provided would be greatly appreciated.
   
   http://hubpages.com/hub/Childhood-Part-1

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   1. 59

      flightofdestinyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Another one that could use critiquing is http://hubpages.com/hub/Alone-but-not-quite . Thanks

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2. 66

   Camping with Kidsposted 12 years ago

   Easy tips:
   
   BREAK IT UP!!!!!!!!
   
   LOL - Break-up your text into small paragraphs. I only read about 25% of article before I was scrolling to see if the entire article was the same big block of text - it was.
   
   Browse a few old-time hubbers hubs to see what I mean.
   
   paragraphs give the eyes a break, a pause before moving on to more. Split your content into multiple text capsules. Gives you the opportunity sub-title sections, but only if you feel it adds to the content. Capsule titles aren't required. plus, smaller chunks of text in multiple capsules make editing easier.
   
   images - a related or illustrative image or two usually enhances the article to readers. Or not - your choice.
   
   Also the links to parts 2, 3 etc should have teaser text, ie. instead of Alysa pt. 2, maybe Alysa - the teen years, (or whatever), just something to further grab the readers interest.
   
   Just an opinion, hope it helps.
   
   Gus

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   1. 87

      Stacie Lposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I agree; you need to use basic writing elements such as paragraphs. it's difficult for the reader to stay interested. Also a picture of two to create some interest .
      good luck

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3. 59

   flightofdestinyposted 12 years ago

   Thank you both so much. I don't know what happened with the paragraph thing. I must not have been paying much attention. I am generally a pretty good editor, especially with my own work. Would it be better if I didn't split it into parts and submitted the whole story as one hub with the different sections being in different capsules?

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   1. 87

      Stacie Lposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      yes, I think that would work.; also change the title to reflect what the article is about. Alyssa doesn't tell anyone what its about.
      ex; "the story of a survivor"..or " how I survived an abusive childhood"
      

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   2. 66

      Camping with Kidsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      No! Keep the parts as different hubs. One hub would be too long. Having it on separate hubs is a little like allowing the reader to "turn the page" or bookmark them for later reading.
      
      General consensus is that 800 to 1200 words make a nice "meaty" hub. Beyond 1500 words gets to be a challenging read for one sitting - hence the recommendation for multiple hubs.
      (plus there are other benefits to the multiple-hub concept)
      
      Gus

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      1. 59

         flightofdestinyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I was only wondering because the first one is quite long but the subsequent three are all fairly short in comparison. My goal in separating them was to give it chapters or sections. Thank you for your input

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         1. 85

            rebekahELLEposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            The paragraphs will help the reader decide to keep reading, although I read it before you edited it into paragraphs, and I wanted to keep reading! If you read and observe other hubs, especially in your topic category, you can get some ideas. http://hubpages.com/topics/books-litera … tories/543 
            I would keep it in separate hubs.
            Also you may want to mention the story in your profile and provide a link to the first one. Perhaps share your motivation to write about Alyssa. It doesn't have to be too wordy.
            Nice start!

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4. 80

   Trish_Mposted 12 years ago

   Hi
   
   I just read it  ~ and I enjoyed it
   
   (I agree about the need for short paragraphs.)

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   1. 59

      flightofdestinyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you. I fixed the paragraph problems as well

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      1. 80

         Trish_Mposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Part two needs breaking up, too, I think

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5. 59

   flightofdestinyposted 12 years ago

   I have made some corrections and am seeking some constructive criticism on the content and style of my writing. I am doing all of this to achieve a higher degree of writing. I would really appreciate any help you could provide.
   
   http://hubpages.com/_2zs5uc4gqkhwa/hub/ … -not-quite
   http://hubpages.com/_2zs5uc4gqkhwa/hub/Childhood-Part-1
   http://hubpages.com/_2zs5uc4gqkhwa/hub/Alyssa-Part-2
   http://hubpages.com/_2zs5uc4gqkhwa/hub/Alyssa-Part-3
   http://hubpages.com/_2zs5uc4gqkhwa/hub/Alyssa-Part-4
   
   The last four are the same story, just different parts of it

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