WARNING TO HUBPAGES READERS: Really long post ahead dealing with thought replacement therapy methods that will bore and annoy certain types of people. Please feel free NOT to tell me I talk too much. If you're not interested, DON'T READ IT!
Thank you.
Starme I cannot (and mostly just will not) imagine that. The despair of knowing your child goes into life having this problem must be mind-numbing and heartbreaking. I hope the situation and all involved can be healed.
Something you said up above, that I forgot to quote, I wanted to comment on.
You said you would just keep smiling.
Not sure that's a good way to go. You do not have to keep smiling. There is no obligation to keep smiling. Attempting to be always doing so when you do not feel like it will probably drive you crazy.
PTSD and similar conditions are -I think- an indication of an emotional overload. This calls for abnormal measures. Some things right now you just cannot deal with. Put them aside, and only look at them with your counselor's guidance.
You have enough other obligations, such as your other child, your finances, and your basic health and mental stability to deal with right now.
The trick isn't -I think- to smile through the pain. The trick is -right now- to avoid the pain. You're emotionally overloaded. To keep functioning at this time it might be okay to do a bit of escapism, in a healthy kind of way.
Normally I don't recommend running away from your problems. But this is more a matter of putting things away until you're ready to deal with them. This is one of the reasons counseling takes so long (or so I have been told).
Others above mentioned thought replacement. When you get frozen up or elsewise overwhelmed with thoughts or memories, you have got to be ready and prepared to immediately replace them with other, better thoughts. Something goofy works well for me.
I recite Wild Grapes by Robert Frost. It's funny, and goofy and defiant, and it is filled with pleasantly distracting atmosphere.
But that worked for me and probably won't strike you the same way, but I hope you get the idea. Find something you know you can count on to always be there at your beck and call which will keep your mind occupied elsewhere -somewhere that is safe and pleasant for you- for long enough a period of time to chase away the bad thoughts and bring a sense of peace and equilibrium back into your mind.
If nothing comes to mind for you, write up your own little piece to memorize and use when these times strike. Make it kind of fun, to lighten your mood, kind of defiant, to remind your spirit that you can beat this, that you are in charge, and make it long enough that it will need your brain to help you remember each next line.
At first you might feel stupid doing this, and it might not seem to help. You'll forget to do it sometimes, or feel too overcome to do it, but as you keep this up, and make a firm rule of replacing all detrimental, depressing thoughts with it, it will become very automatic. Quicker than you'd think, if you do it as a rule.
Soon you'll get into it, and find yourself yelling the words, embracing them, and you'll find yourself getting stronger. Although indeed you seem pretty derned strong already to have gone through everything you have.
Don't do this for thought-streams you know you have to have, like figuring out how to survive financially, or figuring out how to deal with your daughter and go on providing her with the love and attention she needs.
Just do it for the stuff that's actually pretty pointless, the stuff you know you shouldn't be dwelling on.
And of course I'm not a shrink, and I don't play one on TV either, and I would consult your's and see what she thinks about it for you.
I can only say it has helped me through a few rough patches, most recently when my pop passed away. But then I've never had to deal with anything such as what you're up against, at least not since I was a kid.
Um.. What was I gonna say? Oh yeah. Some people above suggested this method as well, I think, though they used different names for it which are probably more clinically correct, since I more or less made my version up. Had to long ago. Just knew that if I kept dwelling in the dark places I'd end up dead. Having children that just wasn't a luxury I could afford.
Heard about the power of positive thinking, but it didn't really work for me cause I'm a sarcastic witch, lol. I kept adding snide remarks to the end of each positive thought I didn't really believe at the time.
So instead I started reciting random shit just to occupy the mind. Whenever I did Wild Grapes it left me feeling peaceful and relaxed, so eventually I switched to that one alone, and whenever I need it again like when my dad passed away last year, I just call it back up.
So I just wanted to further explain how thought replacement therapy works, and to let you know that it's okay to not smile all the time. I mean, that's not what I mean.
What I mean is don't smile cause you have to, but rather use thought replacement therapy to help keep you smiling naturally. Give yourself time and space to heal before you face these monsters in your mind on your own.
The day should eventually come when you're able to allow yourself to think of these things again without being overwhelmed by them. You know, if you want to for any reason. Sometimes even good memories are off-limits cause they remind you of bad memories. Like when my dad died.
It really tripped me up for awhile. I couldn't do anything, couldn't function right, and couldn't close my eyes either thanks to hearing my mother thoughtlessly describing the death scene to anyone and everyone in full detail several times over.
After a while I went back to WIld Grapes, and that helped me get to sleep at night, face each morning and get me through the days. Plus I indulged in alot of watching old black and white movies on TV. Anything to pass the time without letting the bad thoughts in.
Months later, I was able to begin cherishing the memories I had again, without letting the bad stuff take over.
Allow yourself a 5 minute cry every day. In the shower has always been my safe place. That helps alot too I think. It gave it all the release I wasn't otherwise able to express.
But at the same time, everything I am suggesting was stuff I custom made for myself. They suited me, my personality and needs. They worked for me. They let me function and gave me space and time to grow strong enough again to face things.
And you know, even as this bury my head in the sand method protected me from thinking about things, in truth at the same time, my subconscious I believe worked on alot of it behind the scenes for me. Little things happen, that allow you to clink another piece of the healing puzzle into place, without dwelling on the whole problem directly or overly long.
And that's how it is, you cannot face these huge things head on. So you put them away and go on living and deal with them tiny little pieces at a time.
But thought replacement therapy is key to the whole thing, providing you with the time and space you need in order to go on functioning.
Again, may not work for you, and I strongly suggest you ask your counselor.
I take the time to explain how it works however, because for me what I discovered was it had to be long enough, it had to be involved enough to really engage my mind, and it had to be something that literally -(okay, figuratively)- transported me away to somewhere else, somewhere far far away from my problems, and leave me feeling soothed and calm and peaceful afterwards.
It's one thing to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts. That's pretty vague and hard to do. I replaced negative thoughts with a temporary escape, I literally ran away from my problems in my mind, and was able to train myself to absolutely forbid these things from coming to my mind, until I was ready. I swear it once saved my life.
Talk to your shrink about it, however.
And if you're drawing a complete blank about what to use, look up Wild Grapes by Robert Frost. I'm sure it's online somewhere. It's a nice poem, worked great for me.
'One by one I lost off my hat and shoes and still I clung
I let my head fall back and shut my eyes against the sun...'
It's actually a good choice for people dealing with stuff that's hard to deal with.
'I had not learned to let go with the hands
As still I have not learned to with the heart
And have no wish to with the heart
Nor need, that I can see, the mind is not the heart...'
But you gotta memorize it so that it can be recalled immediately anytime, anywhere.
Good luck and again the disclaimer, check with your shrink.
Cause I'm just a stupid moron who recites poetry as an answer to all my deepest problems, so what the hell do I know. I'm probably insane and just don't realize it, lol.
Seriously, check with your shrink.
0
