Why don't we say what we really think?
And if we did, would that be good or bad?
Maturity and experience teaches us how to be "tactful" by using our "edit button" when expressing our thoughts. You learn to think about the "end" before you "begin". In other words a mature person (contemplates the consequences) of their actions prior to expressing themselves. They have a goal or outcome in mind.
On the other hand when we are immature or think in the "short-term" we say whatever comes to our mind without thinking of the consequences. It is a lazy approach to life when we choose not to (think) about (intended results) before speaking. This is how children behave.
I am fortunate enough to be able to say what I think and feel all the time if I want to. I don't always want to because I know that a lot of thoughts or feelings are fleeting, extremely temporary, and overly influenced by situation and emotion. A lot of the things that we would say are not worth much anyway. Does it really matter if I like your style or what I think about the path you have chosen. It is your style and your path to walk.
If I am asked, I will answer. Otherwise, I wait and think about what I really feel without the emotion and drama and when I get to the root, if it is something of value, I talk about that.
The short answer is empathy. We can imagine ourselves in someone else's position and anticipate the consequences of what we say and do, just as dashingscorpio said. I think there was a movie about a guy who could only tell the truth, with disastrous effects. Same thing applies in real life. Well, it would be nice if politicians were somehow forced to tell us what they really think, but that's not going to happen!
Well this is a great question, I have a circumstance lately that I don't know what to do and sometimes how to respond. Its a mixed feeling of not knowing how to say things to a person. When a friend is so hurting and going thru a real crises in their life, I am finding once again that listening is the best bet. I think its best to be honest saying what we think, but always remember there could be another person repeating what we say or saying something that will be not understood. I think Its best to be honest and it is good to do so.
Most people don't think clearly. I sometimes have thoughts that race through my mind and if I were to open my mouth and speak them, No one would ever speak to me. Its not that I think badly of others, but my mind plays tricks on me. Making me believe certain things with out any proof. Its hard to explain. Often times, our thoughts are based on past experiences. So, we often find ourselves blaming person for someone else's mistake. For example, your ex lied to you about something... Now the thoughts cross your mind with every relationship in the future when it comes to truthfulness. If you were to say something, you could hurt your partners feelings or even ruin the relationship. If we all spoke what was on our minds It would not be good.
I think a lot of it depends on what it is I'm thinking about. Maturity as dashingscorpio said has a lot to do with it, as does our types of personalities. I am a driver expressive from hell and until a few years ago told anyone, anywhere what I thought and why.
I rarely if ever would do it maliciously, but spoke before I thought. Shoot once when I was a GM at a resort I had to send my all my emails to my boss before I sent them out, (was definitely not a good thing) but everyone else thought it was hysterical.
Today I try not to hurt any ones feelings and go with a positive note. To be inspiring and passionate quietly often leads to more inquiries than demanding and argumentative.
I have actually learned ( amazing at 55+) that I can agree to disagree, and that in itself is a great thing.
I don't always say what I think because I think at times empathy is necessary but also self-restraint. Someone whose thoughts we know all the time frequently gets in trouble because they don't know how to temper their thoughts and emotions with good judgment. And also, alot of times it goes into wanting to be mysterious to those around us. If everyone knew what we always thought, what could we hold sacred to ourselves?
That aside, I think of people in real life and pop culture who have no edit button. Kanye West has no edit button but often comes across as too self-serving and arrogant. Dr. House had no edit button and he narrowly escaped a lifetime in jail. Actions have consequences and no simpler action has great consequences like saying what we think without considering others.
I agree about the empathy part of your statement....but I think sometimes we don't say what we think because we're afraid of not fitting in or society looking at us differently. Kanye West doesn't give a crap what people think, he knows he's amazing
People are afraid of hearing the truth about things because the truth isn't always plesant. People can't handle blunt honesty. I know because I do say what I think and people have told me I need to filter what I say. I thought I did because I did say things so it didn't necessarily hurt someone but I realized its the truth part they don't like. Plus, they don't like being challenged. It's against someone's instincts and they go into defense mode.
Because their are more activities going on in present and it is hard for human's mind calculations.we can't control it in confused situation that what to do.In this situation their are more options infront of us and in this manipulation mind will be upset.
That is a loaded question. In most cases, people don't say what they think based off the other person's feelings. In a lot of occasions, I won't say something as it is my opinion and it could hurt the other person's feelings. However, in some other occasions, I won't say anything because I don't want to stir up more dialog depending on who it is with. I think in general we don't say what we really think because it breaks us out of our comfort zone.
One of two reasons:
1. fear of what reaction we might get in a world of dishonesty, or
2. We have been taught to lie by society itself.
I think it´s good to say what you really think if you say things with a little tact.
I´m not the type of person to hold back, to keep things inside or to tell you I love your new hairstyle if I don´t.
Therefore some friends come and go and those who appreciate a good amount of honesty will be friends for life, for they can tell me exactly what they think, no matter how honest or straight forward they need to be.
Sometimes the truth hurts, to help you out finding another path in life, change your hairstyle or lose some weight.
I actually get annoyed with people who try to cover up any sort of criticism, trying to spare me instead of being honest.
If you are a confident person, you will learn to appreciate the value of truthful yet painful words.
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