Is sexual obligation normal and healthy in a marriage?
Is it normal for one partner to be obligated to keep a marriage "healthy" by having sex even when they don't want to?
Women actually normally consider sex an obligation. However, sex should not be thought of as an obligation. Then keeping the marriage alive becomes a duty, a job. The goal is to find some common ground. Try to find an even area where both of your sexual desires are met.
Ideally when two people are married it is hoped that they are sexually compatible. If one person wants to have sex 4 times a week and the other wants to have sex 1 time a week then you are looking at a difference of 208 times Vs 52 times per year! That type of difference has problems written all over it. Sexual incompatibility and sexless marriages often lead to infidelity or divorce. The underlying assumption made in having a monogamus relationship is neither person will have sex with anyone else (because) they have someone who loves them and is "committed" to addressing their needs physically and emotionally. Most people do want to (feel desired by their spouse). In fact it is our sexual desire for our mate that separates romantic love from friendship, parental, and sibling love. There are ways to please one another without having actual intercourse. Sometimes there are medical reasons for a lack of libido and if that is the case doctors can help. Other times a person never really had an interest in sex to begin with. Some people buy into the belief that the less sex a couple has the deeper their love is.
Having said that I don't believe love and affection can be demanded. These things are given freely. Chemistry is either there or it's not. Not everyone is going to have the same sex drive. However when we change our circumstances change! I wrote about this subject awhile back. Life is all about making choices and decisions.
“While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions” – Stephen R. Covey
http://dashingscorpio.hubpages.com/hub/ … ationships
It's interesting to me that it does seem to be social norm that women feel sex is an intimate duty or obligation for men --men need it, they must have it and women must give it to keep them happy. And society seems to endorse it. For women, in their normal life cycle, reproductive factors of child bearing and hormonal changes might greatly influence their sex drive over time, and my belief is that this is actually normal. Does that mean there is something wrong? Not necessarily, but I do believe social pressure makes women fear being left for a younger woman and from that fear comes obligation.
Now that women are increasingly able to support themselves in the labor market, I expect changes will be happening in norms around sexual politics. You can also see that big changes in gender/parental expectations have already changed because of how female roles have changed in the workplace. (Today, more men than ever are stay-at-home moms perhaps because the female has greater earning potential.) I believe that a healthier approach is if either partner experiences a period of low sex drive, it can be discussed without blame/shame/obligation, as a part of their life cycle rather than in spite of it. I believe that this is a healthier, more flexible platform on which a long-term partnership can find an honest balance.
Ruby, I agree with you 100%! Communicating and discussing the biological or emotional reasons for a low interest in sex can open the door to greater understanding and even greater intimacy, if approached without defensiveness and with an open mind.
Ruby,
I don't think it is healthy at all. At the same time, I know there are times when one partner needs to have his or her sexual needs met, and a loving spouse might decide to meet those needs even if he or she isn't in the mood.
Obligating, or telling the spouse that "you have to, it's your duty" is a great way to kill any intimacy and love that exists in the marriage.
You might want to see my hub on "How to Approach Sex With Your Wife".
I have written a book on this topic, "To Love and to Cherish...facing sexual abuse in marriage" by D. Anne Pierce, on Amazon for $5.99
by dashingscorpio 6 years ago
Is sexual incompatibility a valid reason for ending a marriage?Assuming everything else in the marriage is going fine and the kids are happy.I’m incline to believe most people would opt to cheat rather than go through the divorce process if there has been no change after communicating their needs...
by Jami Johnson 6 years ago
What is your sexual orientation (if you don't mind me asking)?I have always been an open person; I believe people can fall in love and have sex with absolutely anyone (because love and sex feels good and everyone wants to feel good). I have never identified with a specific sexual orientation. I...
by dashingscorpio 8 years ago
Why do you believe "unintended pregnancies" are on the rise among 20+ year olds?It's always been touted that more sexual education and better birth control methods would reduce unplanned pregnancies. Just recently Bristol Palin announced she is pregnant again from a man who will be a...
by realtalk247 8 years ago
There seems to be a new trend among women now to attempt/try to wait until marriage to have sex with their significant others. Is this a return to virtue? Is this a return to the ideology, why buy the cow when the milk is for free?The latest to get married -Jodie Marsh. It is reported...
by Tessa Schlesinger 4 years ago
Like many other women, I can add my name to the 'me too' movement. I faced sexual harassment for a good 40 years.Harvey Weinstein is far from being the only jerk that thinks his fame and fortune is reason enough to rape and harass women sexually.QUOTE: “We believe the evidence will show that the...
by blessedp 11 years ago
Why sex before marriage is important to men now-a-days?Has the sacred value of keeping oneself pure until marriage no longer stand?
Copyright © 2024 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. HubPages® is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website.
Copyright © 2024 Maven Media Brands, LLC and respective owners.
As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.
For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy
Show DetailsNecessary | |
---|---|
HubPages Device ID | This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons. |
Login | This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service. |
Google Recaptcha | This is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy) |
Akismet | This is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy) |
HubPages Google Analytics | This is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy) |
HubPages Traffic Pixel | This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized. |
Amazon Web Services | This is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy) |
Cloudflare | This is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Hosted Libraries | Javascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy) |
Features | |
---|---|
Google Custom Search | This is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Maps | Some articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Charts | This is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy) |
Google AdSense Host API | This service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Google YouTube | Some articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Vimeo | Some articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Paypal | This is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Facebook Login | You can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Maven | This supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy) |
Marketing | |
---|---|
Google AdSense | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Google DoubleClick | Google provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Index Exchange | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Sovrn | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Facebook Ads | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Amazon Unified Ad Marketplace | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
AppNexus | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Openx | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Rubicon Project | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
TripleLift | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Say Media | We partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy) |
Remarketing Pixels | We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites. |
Conversion Tracking Pixels | We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service. |
Statistics | |
---|---|
Author Google Analytics | This is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy) |
Comscore | ComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy) |
Amazon Tracking Pixel | Some articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy) |
Clicksco | This is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy) |