Is sexual incompatibility a valid reason for ending a marriage?

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  1. dashingscorpio profile image82
    dashingscorpioposted 13 years ago

    Is sexual incompatibility a valid reason for ending a marriage?

    Assuming everything else in the marriage is going fine and the kids are happy.I’m incline to believe most people would opt to cheat rather than go through the divorce process if there has been no change after communicating their needs to their spouse.
    I’ve never heard of a couple getting divorced because there was no sex or no oral sex..etc Would you end a marriage over the lack of sex? or quality?

    1. Austinstar profile image84
      Austinstarposted 13 years ago

      How can anyone be sexually compatible with a scorpio? LOL
      Divorces are filed due to sexual incompatibility although I personally think that sex counseling would help keep the marriage together. Dr. Laura promotes that the woman go ahead and consent to sex with her man even if she doesn't feel like it in hopes that once things get going, she will feel like it. That's assuming both partners have no physical problem with having sex.
      If sex is painful or stressful for one partner, the other partner needs to be more sympathetic and respect the marriage vows which include fidelity. Honor the marriage promises to each other. Sex is only a small part of marriage. Infidelity is never the answer. It's a broken promise.

      1. profile image50
        panther7posted 10 years agoin reply to this

        i'm married to a Scorpio who admits he has always been the way he is, which is part of the reason why he's on his third wife.  it's been 20 solid year without an orgasm for me.  is divorce an option for me?  yes.

      2. dashingscorpio profile image82
        dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

        panther7, I'm not sure if you got married without having orgasms or if you stopped having them after getting married. 20 years is a long time! Most people would have left or cheated after 2 years. By staying (you) have kept yourself from having them.

      3. Austinstar profile image84
        Austinstarposted 10 years agoin reply to this

        You know that masturbation is far more acceptable than infidelity, right? If you need to take care of other personal needs like brushing your hair or teeth, just do it. You don't need permission, and you don't need to feel guilty, just do it.

      4. dashingscorpio profile image82
        dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

        Austinstar, You made an excellent point regarding a person taking care of their own needs. However I'm certain some people would also feel sex is the differentiator between having a "real marriage" versus roommates/friends with the same last name.

      5. profile image53
        Laurentackettposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        I thought I was the only one. 14 yrs. good to know I'm not alone!

      6. profile image57
        LuvAlyNowposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        I think that you have said what I was thinking pretty well.  I have a lot of female issues and my husband knew that going into our marriage that sex was not going to be a big part of it.  He always tells me that is not why he married me.

    2. dashingscorpio profile image82
      dashingscorpioposted 13 years ago

      Austinstar you have a valid point about the Scorpio thing. LOL However the question was not concerning me. My old barber in California and another guy I once worked with were both in this situation. The barber ended up having multiple affairs and the former co-worker actually turned to prostitutes.
      Neither one of them thought an unhappy sex life was a reason to split up their families..... hmmm
      I was just curious to know how many people would choose to get a divorce because of an unhappy sex life..... My guess is most people decide to cheat.

    3. profile image53
      Keith Phillipsposted 13 years ago

      Tiger Woods is now going through a divorce because he got caught doing what a married person should not do. Whatever his reason might be for his behavior, the truth of the matter is he is a coward. He couldn't man up and say "I do not want to live my life with just one woman and now I am going to divorce my wife so that I can live my life the way I choose and my wife can find someone else to suit her life. Put the vows to the side for a minute and look at the reality of a relationship. Breaking up may be part of a relationship. People dont need excuses for what they do when they are married. They need the courage to end the marriage when they can no longer keep the contract. If sex is important to me and it is not a part of my marriage,  then my wife should have the courage to divorce me so that I cant find what I am looking for without it looking like I did something wrong when I get it somewhere else. If it is broke and cant be fixed .......... it is just junk.

    4. swapna123 profile image60
      swapna123posted 13 years ago

      Cheating is never a solution to incompatibility. What's the point in staying married when they are not loyal to one another ? They can as well stay apart and get married to someone else whom they are compatible with.
      Trust is the basic foundation of married life. If a couple loves each other, they would never cheat on their spouse. They should consult a doctor if either of them face any troubles with respect to lack or quality of sex life. I can't think of anyone who would not have a problem with their spouse cheating on them.

    5. profile image0
      jasper420posted 13 years ago

      this would depend on his and her motives and the founedation of the relashonship there is no yes or no answer there is no right or wrong answer it simply depends on the couple

    6. wychic profile image80
      wychicposted 13 years ago

      If everything else in the marriage really is fine, then no...but that would also mean that avenues of communication are open, and that both sides will work on a solution because that's part of a good marriage. I do believe that anyone who wants to cheat should leave first...the damage that cheating does to all people involved can't be undone.

      I know that I personally would not end a marriage because of the lack of sex...I was never sexually satisfied with my ex-husband (I'm an Aries...I'm told we're tough to keep up with), but it wasn't enough reason in and of itself to end the marriage even though there were plenty of other problems. I am deeply in love with my husband, but know that though we are both very satisfied sexually right now there is a good chance that sometime in the future I won't be -- he's 27 years older than me -- and when the time comes he's already informed me that he won't feel hurt or inadequate if I opt for certain battery-powered options to find that satisfaction. That said, I would choose to be celibate for the rest of my life in every way possible if that's what it took to stay in the relationship with him, because it is a good, happy relationship and worth saving.

      I haven't known any situations where people will specifically cite lack of sexual satisfaction as their reason for divorce. However, I do know a couple of different people who couldn't really point to specific problems in their marriage, but there weren't kids and there wasn't really anything they wanted to hold on to, so when sex wasn't satisfying anymore there was no reason to try to hold it together.

      1. profile image50
        MarkwellDposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        Disagree your points. If your husband or wife Deny your sexual need for more than 45 days or even not not showing interest  for having sex or not satisfying your sexual need then its valid point for a divorce.

    7. vgf1968 profile image60
      vgf1968posted 13 years ago

      I do not believe cheating is ever an answer.  I do believe that a marriage is about way more than sex.  If sex is the only positive part of the marriage, it is doomed to fail before it even gets started.   Cheating harms the person you cheat with, your partner and ultimately yourself.  Find other ways to enjoy your life with your partner.  Life can be led without sex.

      1. yssubramanyam profile image60
        yssubramanyamposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        sex is not whole thing for life.

    8. Jaynie2000 profile image84
      Jaynie2000posted 13 years ago

      The answer to this question is pretty individual, I would imagine. Speaking for myself only, the answer would have to be "yes." Sex is too important, enjoyable to central to who I am as a person to ever spend my life with someone with whom I was sexually incompatible.

      That being said, I would definitely do everything in my power to bridge the gap between myself and my incompatible partner if it were possible. I would be open about my desires and fantasies and make it safe for him to do the same with me. I would compromise when able and hope for the same. I would try counseling if it would help. But I would not remain with someone for the rest of my life if our sex life was miserable. I think that we could still likely be the best of friends and respect one another, but both would ultimately be happier if we moved on to find others with whom we were more compatible.

      Thankfully, I've never had to worry about it. My partner is perfect for me!

      1. StandingJaguar profile image69
        StandingJaguarposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        You make a good point. Most people assume that divorce is always ugly, but I've known some couples who divorced & then remained friends. Marriage didn't give them what they needed, but they didn't hate each other. They were better off friends!

      2. Moanikeala Tyler profile image83
        Moanikeala Tylerposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        Very well said! I admire the honesty....

    9. profile image51
      monaraeposted 13 years ago

      no sex is great but when you marry someone it should be over just sex its about all of your partners been and there  are adult toy stores that you can find thing to try

    10. Angel709 profile image61
      Angel709posted 13 years ago

      I have a hard time believing "everything else in the marriage is going fine". Sex is a natural part of a marriage and an outward expression and display of the love that ALREADY EXISTS towards each other. Outside of medical reasons, if the love is there, the desire to please each other is there, including sex and it will follow.

      When I was "not in the mood", I still felt a sense of desire to please my husband. There is genuine help in the form of counseling, videos, etc., to spice up the bedroom for each partner that they could seek and find compatibility.

      As a woman, if I am not interested, there is a problem--and everything else is not going fine.  Cheating? NEVER AN OPTION.

      1. realtalk247 profile image77
        realtalk247posted 8 years agoin reply to this

        Who's not in the mood for sex? It is a pleasurable act right? I'm just saying................
        Good points Angel709

      2. dashingscorpio profile image82
        dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

        And yet according to statistics 1 in 5 marriages is classified as "sexless".!
        By one reports definition any married couple having sex (less than 15 times a year) is considered sexless. That leaves 350 days or more of "sex free" days per year!

    11. dutch84 profile image60
      dutch84posted 13 years ago

      I think if it's awkward for a man and a woman to have sex with each other it's going to be awkward in other ways as well. Sexual incompatibility is usually a symptom of a much larger problem.

    12. profile image54
      rsvp0700posted 13 years ago

      Greetings all -
      Regretfully, I know a situation just like this.  The marriage was faced with 'sexual incompatibility'; sex was not the problem they had 7 children.   However, the voracious appetite of one partner resulted in 'permission' to play outside of the marriage, whereupon a 2nd extended family was created. 

      Now, 20 years later the person is seeking a new mate; the children from both relationships are now grown and married.  But the person is still ' seeking a sexually compatible partner' - and base their search on scripture - 'be not unequally yoked'! 

      When their relationship began in the late 70's/80's - the values were different.  Now we can make mature decisions based on the Word of God' and now also there is responsible counseling (spiritual and secular).  This 'authorized affair' resulted in at least 14-20 persons being affected, if not hurt by this relationship. Somehow, the family has been accepting and appears blended, on the surface.  But that doesn't mean that it should be condoned, because it is inconsistent with the Word of God.

      It might be time to truly take stock of one's sexual needs, how they were developed, acquired, etc and - contrast them to the Word of God.  The best contemporary practice is to submit oneself to sex as God intended and not as the World has exploited. 

      Many have come through generation(s) where children were introduced to extreme sex and sexually exploited at early ages; so many have been traumatized, (de)sensitized and abused and accordingly act from those 'orientations'. 

      But now that we have come to Christ, we can take authority over many things, grow and emerge - no longer must we be victim, vulnerable, captive hostage to the sexual sins imposed on us we can emerge to become whole, healthy and enjoy a sexually pleasurable and fulfilling (with or without 'joy toys') that is consistent with God's will for us in our marriage and sex lives!

      Personally, the Word counsels don't return to the first relationship; and I feel that the 2nd relationship might need to be honored.  I question whether a 3rd relationship should be undertaken, especially repeating the same circumstances.

      If your relationship is 'incompatible' work to honor and accommodate your mate.  If one needs to heat up and the other cool down - look for a mutually warm temperature where you can both live, love and enjoy your lives together. 

      Divorce, Extra-curricular activities, the internet etc - are the worse 'solutions' - Moderation in all things and consistent with the Word of God, I believe is the best answer!

      Grace and Peace to All!

      1. profile image49
        prankish83posted 10 years agoin reply to this

        I disagree. If god intended our sexual behaviour to be any different, then his supposed creation would have been so, simple logic.

        Sexual incompatibility is real, and I believe that's why a lot of test driving is required prior to marriage.

    13. profile image0
      leann2800posted 12 years ago

      To me sex is an extension of how emotionally compatible I am with my mate. If we are on the same wave length out of the bedroom then we are in the bedroom as well. I have ended a marriage before that was incompatible in so many ways including sex. If your spouse knows you are not fulfilled and does not care, I would move on. If your spouse knows and is trying then I would be patient. There is more than likely problems outside of the bedroom that need working on to. With time and patience, I think this will resolve itself.

      1. richardbrown81 profile image80
        richardbrown81posted 10 years agoin reply to this

        really!!! how long, is it a few ruff years?  you are willing to damage your kids for life becuase your not getting any.  Wow hope they get the kids.

      2. profile image0
        leann2800posted 10 years agoin reply to this

        Had no kids with the fool. More incompatibility. The question was sex and marriage. Not sex and family.

      3. Foodeee profile image61
        Foodeeeposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        Even if children are involved it still makes it very difficult to deal with a lopsided relationship. She didn't say it was just sex. Sex is an extension of self and you must be true to self. I am sure the children will love all the fighting they hear

      4. Moanikeala Tyler profile image83
        Moanikeala Tylerposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        Why get married in the first place if incompatability was a factor on so many levels all around?.

      5. dashingscorpio profile image82
        dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        Moanikeala, Some couples get married believing their sex life will (improve) over the years or they feel it's not all that important "at the time". In other instances some couples get married without having had sex with one another. Things change.

      6. Tuan Tran Anh profile image37
        Tuan Tran Anhposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        Sex is good for health. Thank for sharing!

    14. Relationshipc profile image87
      Relationshipcposted 12 years ago

      In my opinion, it should be a reason to take a serious look at the marriage.

      Cheating is not something that will replace that important part of your relationship with your partner. It takes a lot of effort to do that and it's kind of the stupid option.

      Sex is not everything in a relationship but it is a damn important part when it's not there! So when your sex life is not there then you are going to be having problems in other areas of your relationship - assuming sex is an option in the relationship.

      1. Moanikeala Tyler profile image83
        Moanikeala Tylerposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        I completely agree!! I believe sex and intimacy is one of 3 vital ingredients to a happy and healthy marriage , the other two being LOVE and faithfulness. Intimacy and sex strengthens the bond keeping love and communication open and flowing.

      2. Danielspages2013 profile image61
        Danielspages2013posted 9 years agoin reply to this

        So what happens after 50, 60 or 70 years of marriage when both partners turn old, decrepit and can no longer function sexually? Do they then get a divorce?

      3. dashingscorpio profile image82
        dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        Danielspages2013, There would be no reason to divorce if they're both mentally and physically in the same space. Divorce usually happens when one person doesn't want something that the other considers to be a "must have" on (their) list.

    15. profile image0
      CJ Sledgehammerposted 12 years ago

      The short answer

      I would hate to think that a woman would consider divorcing her loyal husband when he first began experiencing erectile dysfunction or a husband would consider divorcing his faithful wife because she is going through complications from menopause.

      So, sexual incompatibility is a reason for ending a's just not a good one.

    16. yssubramanyam profile image60
      yssubramanyamposted 11 years ago

      yes, it is a solid reason. many breake relationship due to the above reason.

      1. yssubramanyam profile image60
        yssubramanyamposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        sex with out love, love with out sex is incomplete.

    17. jennshealthstore profile image80
      jennshealthstoreposted 11 years ago

      I think that if there is sexual incompatibility then more than likely there is something else lacking in the relationship. If you got married, then odds are you had compatibility at one point. Sometimes after years of being with the same person the spark begins to fade and sex just does not seem exciting or important any more. But instead of throwing the relationship away, I think that a couple can work on getting that romance and spark back.

      You will fall into the same cycle even if you divorce and/or cheat. After the initial excitement and spark is gone, you will wind up back where you started. So I am a strong believer in dating your spouse, bringing excitement back and working to make it work! And yes communication is key. If you do share your feelings your partner may never know. It could be as easy as saying I WANT MORE!

      1. dashingscorpio profile image82
        dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        jennshealthstore, Thank you for your answer. I personally know of a couple who got married without having sex with one another. The woman had no idea that her man had next to NO interest in sex. She thought his "waiting" idea was refreshing.

    18. Guy Foxe profile image61
      Guy Foxeposted 11 years ago

      If it is just a question of one partner not enjoying one kind of sexual act then divorce or cheating seems a bit extreme.  If it is a matter one partner having lost interest in sex then that is a bigger deal.

      I would say, however that I am always suspicious when someone claims that it is only the sex, everything else is wonderful. Usually, when the sex is bad or missing (barring physical ailments etc.) then there are problems in other areas too.

      If you can't find what you need in a relationship then you should find a way out. If you are going to have an affair it will require a level of deception that is likely to lead to a whole host of other problems.

      1. dashingscorpio profile image82
        dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        "If you can't find what you need in a relationship then you should find a way out." I loved that quote! I agree with you regarding the sex issues. It's usually a lack of intimacy outside of the bedroom that effects what happens in the bedroom!

    19. Globetrekkermel profile image64
      Globetrekkermelposted 11 years ago

      no, lol! the sex part wears off  but the commitment and the emotional bonding over the years is more difficult to wear off.

    20. cintakesteeth1 profile image60
      cintakesteeth1posted 10 years ago

      ABSOLUTLEY!!!  Physical intimacy is a must in a marriage and if you are not sexually compatible with a person than why continue to rob each other of the wonderful, beautiful, and most pleasurable feeling in the world that sex can give. Everyone is entitled to the comfort that comes from "THE 1" that is just made for you.

    21. DDE profile image48
      DDEposted 10 years ago

      No I would not end a marriage over the lack of sex, it is not a major part of life, loving each should matter more than the sexual part.  Marrying that someone special is for all times not just the  good times s o you are with your partner  for love not for the specifics only

      1. dashingscorpio profile image82
        dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

        I believe it's more likely a person with a (high) sex drive will cheat rather than file for divorce. They'd want to hold onto all that is good. I wrote about this awhile back. … ationships

    22. Borsia profile image41
      Borsiaposted 10 years ago

      In a word; yes.
      Sex is a huge part of life and happiness and if it can't be worked out between a couple and one or both truly feel their needs aren't being fulfilled then there is almost always more going on than just sexual frustration.
      It is better to get out of a bad relationship as early as possible IMHO. After all time is the most precious thing we have and there is no way of knowing how much of it we will get. So make the best of what you have and be as happy as possible including a fulfilling sex life.

      1. dashingscorpio profile image82
        dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

        I agree 100%. Time is the most precious commodity on earth!
        If someone (chooses) to stay in an "unhappy relationship" then they are (choosing) to be unhappy.

    23. Mulungi profile image61
      Mulungiposted 10 years ago

      To be realistic, sex is one of the key components of marriage. We also have to remember that two people can not stay together happily unless they agree on literally everything and sex (quality or quantity) is one of such things that a couple must agree on. If one of the partners feels under-satisfied, the result may be extra marital affairs which would eventually lead to divorce. So to answer your question, i would say that lack of sex is a valid reason for divorce.

    24. dutchman1951 profile image61
      dutchman1951posted 10 years ago

      unfortunatly as with other causes a marraige fails, it is.
      Mutual pleasuring  of each other is important for each person in the marriage. So it can and often time does cause some problems and some resentment issues.

    25. profile image54
      jimadams123posted 10 years ago

      now a days its possible without sex nothing in world

      1. Sunardi profile image68
        Sunardiposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        I heard many Japanese family live together without sex after the first kid. I head from ex-husband of Japanese wife

    26. Pamela N Red profile image84
      Pamela N Redposted 10 years ago

      It depends on the sexual problems you are having.

      I'm a firm believer in sex before marriage just because of this issue. You won't know until you have relations with a person what they are into or dislike. If you wait until marriage you might be disappointed to find your partner is into something you don't feel comfortable doing.

      If things were good in the beginning and suddenly go bad you need to see a counselor. There are many reasons why people lose interest in sex: medication, health problems or relationship issues. You need to find out what caused the change and see if there is a solution before abandoning ship.

      1. dashingscorpio profile image82
        dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

        Pamela, I'm certain your answer will give those in this situation something to think about. My question was not a personal one but rather a test for a hub I eventually wrote. … ationships

    27. jeugenejohn profile image53
      jeugenejohnposted 10 years ago

      Depends on the partner involved. My opinion, sex is a part of marriage but not the whole.

    28. richardbrown81 profile image80
      richardbrown81posted 10 years ago

      Divorce is the very last resort. 
      Divorce is hard on the kids.  You will dissovle how they identify with the world around them.  There will be no more security in the idea that mommy or daddy will be there for them.  For the rest of thier lives it will be reflected on how they form relationships.  Are your kids are going to be more scard by staying together, or by believing that their parents were better off with out them?  No matter how many times you tell them it isn't thier f\ualt it will be what they see every day.  That's before what on will do when they suspect something after the divorce.  It gets ugly really quick as each parent is reacting to what they suspect and then retaliate. 
      The idea of marrage is that it's permanent. Should she divorce you becuase you can't get it up? Or should he divorce you becuase your all dried up by menopuase?  You stick it out through think and thin.  Again, the kids should come before your sex drive anyways.

    29. kknde profile image74
      kkndeposted 10 years ago

      i think a marriage can continue with lack of sex, but this depends on the people.

    30. Melinda Longoria profile image68
      Melinda Longoriaposted 10 years ago

      How much significance do you place on sex in your marriage? It is an important part of marriage, yes, but is it everything to you? The grass is not always greener on the other side. I think that most of the problems in marriage, including sex, can be improved with willingness, communication, and practice by both parties. I wouldn't end a marriage for that reason. I think it would be a mistake.

    31. Unknown Ink profile image60
      Unknown Inkposted 9 years ago

      I think the answer to your question purely lies in the location and culture of the so called 'couple'. In certain places ending a marriage on the pretext of sexual incompatibility may very well be considered a taboo.

      However, assuming that the immediate society or culture has no role to play; it really comes down to the other factors. While sex is essential in a marriage; people do not 'marry' for sex. In today's world you can have sex everyday with a different partner if so be your choice.

      In my opinion people marry for the idea of companionship; to have someone to build a home with. If all else is perfect why ruin a good thing only for sex? Perhaps instead one could explain to their partner what exactly they wish.

    32. erorantes profile image46
      erorantesposted 9 years ago

      Some people married for many reasons.  Children are important  when you love each other. Even if you do not love each other. They are important .  Some people wait until  they find the right partner to have children. Children become the priority for couples. The best way to do it. Every time you get a chance.when tne children are not around with the person you love. People divorce for other reasons before fixing the problem. If  there is no more intimacy.  It is because love end it. The couples know. It is not easy to let go the other person.But you most let it go. The spouse or partner will come around. By then you will know if you still in love.

    33. goodwife profile image61
      goodwifeposted 9 years ago

      No, I would not.  There is always a solution to a problem.  You just have to sit down and figure it out.  Sex is no different.  Both partners are expecting to get something out of having a sexual experience.  If you don't know what that is, then its time to make a pot of coffee, pour a glass of wine, find a quiet place, do what ever it takes to make the atmosphere pleasant and talk about it together.  It can be a little embarrassing to either party, to bring up the subject, so be gentle with each other's feelings.  Ease into the conversation by telling each other how much you appreciate them taking the time to show you that they love you, by listening to your concerns.  Remember things like when you first got together and what made having sex special, what turned you on!  Talk about how you were rewarded by your union with children and family.  Even though those people are important to you, some of those changes made your private time together difficult. Things like health issues, age factors, career or job distance, children in the next room, etc can make it harder to focus on each other's desires.  If your friendship stays strong and you remember to be understanding when it comes to these other circumstances or changes in your life, you will be able to handle the lack of sex, until you can figure out when it is a good time to come together; and also, what you need to work on in the bedroom.  If you both live to be old and gray and the love and friendship is still there, the sex won't even matter anymore!

    34. profile image0
      Deborah Sextonposted 9 years ago

      Short answer, NO. There is much more to marriage than sex. People who leave for that reason, couldn't possibly love their spouse. Marriage is something that can be difficult at times, but if you love your spouse you work on finding solutions to your problems.
      If a spouse is treated well in the other rooms, then there will be compatibility in the bedroom.

    35. Kameron Mattis profile image61
      Kameron Mattisposted 9 years ago

      I think I would first try and explore some options. I would take my husband with me and visit with a sex therapist or a relationship counselor who might shed some light on the matter. If that still doesn't work, I would probably consider divorce. For me, I would not want to know that my husband finds sexual gratification with another woman (or man). I would rather go through the divorce than know someone else can give him what he needs. I also feel the same vice versa. I would feel horrible crawling into bed with my husband after being satisfied by another man.

      I think it really depends on the couple as well.

    36. Deepsdmk profile image60
      Deepsdmkposted 9 years ago

      Marriage is an institution that is based on love and trust not sex.Yes, sex is important but its not the foundation of a marriage.If sex is everything then I guess there would not be any difference between humans and animals.

    37. Li Galo profile image77
      Li Galoposted 9 years ago

      If everything else was really that fine in the marriage, cheating wouldn't even be on the table as an option. You can ALWAYS fix sexual problems. Just like any other problem area in a marriage, it does take a little work. The question is, are you looking for an excuse to end an otherwise good marriage? Then any excuse will do. But if both parties want a marriage to work, then both will do the work needed to make it work. In my experience, my husband didn't have much libido and I did. We fixed that quite easily. We talked it over first. He said he didn't feel like it but was open to me using natural means to up his libido. A little Spanish Fly later and we were doing quite well. A short while after that, I was preggo with my third child smile

      1. Stella Kaye profile image84
        Stella Kayeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

        Sexual problems can't always be fixed if there are irreconcilable differences which one marriage partner refuses point blank to even discuss with the other or go to mediation.

      2. dashingscorpio profile image82
        dashingscorpioposted 6 years agoin reply to this

        Excellent point

    38. edhan profile image39
      edhanposted 9 years ago

      Marriage is never just about sex. It is normal to end marriage when one is no longer in love. It is useless to hang on when you are no longer having the feeling. One can always injects excitement in marriage like those days during courting. I find myself to do things out of the ordinary just to have a renew love.

    39. ocfireflies profile image72
      ocfirefliesposted 9 years ago

      In this day and time, I think most adults would have examined their intimacy prior to tying the knot which should allow the couple to know how compatible they are in many areas before making such a long term commitment as in marriage hopefully preventing such a decision as to whether they should end the marriage later because of sex incompatibility.

    40. Josh Makaveli profile image42
      Josh Makaveliposted 9 years ago

      Well i believe sexual incompatibility cannot be a reason to end a marriage because marriage depends on various things such as trust, love, sincerity, patience, struggle, compassion, courage and some others, it is made up of all these things so the couple may feel secure and both of them are trying for each other and compromising on different things.
      Yes ofcourse sex is an important element because your body needs it but it does not need satisfaction, NOBODY CAN SATISFY NO ONE. If you just go for a single sex thing then it means you have lust in you not love.

      1. dashingscorpio profile image82
        dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        Josh Makaveli, Thanks for your answer. Unfortunately a lot of folks site sexual incompatibility for the reason why they cheated. Given a choice between having a spouse leave or cheat most would rather their mate leave. Assuming nothing changes.

    41. StandingJaguar profile image69
      StandingJaguarposted 9 years ago

      I have heard of people getting divorced because of there being no sex, or not the right kind of sex. You have taken an all or nothing approach, though. Have you heard of polyamory or monogamish? If you have a good relationship with your wife but are not getting one need (sex) fulfilled, it is possible to have that need fulfilled elsewhere without it having to be cheating.  Cheating is lying, and that usually hurts people (and might lead to divorce). Some people choose to "open" up their marriage/relationship, and give each other permission to fulfill needs elsewhere within agreed-upon boundaries (see the difference? this is mutually agreed upon, not lying!)

      Of course, you'll need to do some homework and have some conversations with your wife before you could possibly start an open relationship on your terms... Our society teaches us to be jealous people, and most people need some mental adjusting before they can get over the idea that an open relationship isn't always bad for the original/current relationship. I highly suggest the book "Opening Up" by Tristan Taormino. It can open your eyes (and your wife's!) to the different kind of arrangements that might work for you and how to address the various emotions that WILL come up when opening a relationship.

      If you do your homework and try to have these conversations with your wife without demands, and she still refuses to even consider it or refuses to acknowledge your needs at all, then you might need to reconsider the marriage. Marriage is about taking care of each other.

      1. Eric Grimaldi profile image57
        Eric Grimaldiposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        Thank you for sharing, I believe that there are alternatives to divorce when we 've been married for a while (13 years) and are both loving each other, but sex life is gone and trying to open the partner to another way might seem hard but worth it.

    42. IJR112 profile image60
      IJR112posted 9 years ago

      It's probably a symptom of a much bigger problem.  I would first say "no," but if it means the two are just not compatible in general, then I would say "yes."

    43. DeepThought258238 profile image64
      DeepThought258238posted 9 years ago

      From God's view point it is not a valid reason for ending a marriage. When Jesus was on earth he reiterated God's institution on marriage. In Matthew 19:6 the latter part of the verse he states: "Therefore, what God has yoked together, let no man put apart." Then in Matthew 19:9 it states: "I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except on the ground of immorality, and marries another commits adultery."

      Marriage is a scared arrangement instituted by God and he takes that couple's vows very seriously. Jesus his Son made it very clear that the marriage arrangement is something permanent and that only if one of the partners commits infidelity can there be grounds for a scriptural divorce. It is expected for families to work thru their problems and remain unified. God takes this so seriously in Proverbs 5:20-23 he uses the example of a man seeking an adulterous relationship, take note of the results:

      "So why, my son, should you be captivated by a wayward woman or embrace the bosom of an immoral woman? For the ways of man are before the eyes of Jehovah; he examines all paths. The wicked one is ensnared by his own errors, And he will be caught in the ropes of his own sin. He will  die for lack of discipline and go astray because of his excessive foolishness."

      If you would like to read more about how to overcome marriage problems of all types and have a successful family life please visit

      1. profile image51
        johnnyge22posted 9 years agoin reply to this

        What sort of shit are you taking about bringing god int it. Religion as suppressed peoples sexual desires over many countries for many centuries and your quoting a book that was written over 2000 years ago and as no relevance in todays society.

    44. Christopher Bruce profile image57
      Christopher Bruceposted 9 years ago

      That depends entirely on one thing.  Did you go into marriage the old-fashioned way, without pre-marital sex?  If you did, and it was awful, and sex is really important to you, then yes, I'd say it is.

      If you aren't an old-fashioned person, and you had sex quite a bit before you married, then no, I'd have to say it isn't.  If you do that, and you married her, then you knew already if there were any incompatibilities.  If there were problems and you married her anyway, then that's your problem. 

      But ultimately, you really should say NO, so that's 2 NO's and one YES.  Ultimately, in our pasts, people married all the time without ever experiencing each other, it was the norm.  This would indicate to me that good sex was never a reason for getting married in the first place obviously, nor, back then, was bad sex a reason for divorce; it wasn't allowed to be a reason by common law.  Copulation was only done to succeed in carrying on your line, nothing more, it seemed.  Only since the normalization of pre-marital sex has this been an issue, I would think, more so than in our history; so I guess it would depend on how important it is to you, once again...since common law now allows divorce for almost any reason, these days.

    45. padmendra profile image49
      padmendraposted 9 years ago

      I agree to this point to some extent but not fully. Sexual compatability may give happiness in the relationship up to 15%, but if one of the spouses is not cooperative, committed and caring in other fields, it cannot be taken as a total compatibility.

    46. profile image0
      Dave36posted 9 years ago

      People in relationships can get into routines etc, especially when they have kids to look after..If i was the woman in the scenario you mentioned, i would try to get herself & her partner out of the house together without the kids, & have some fun with her partner..If the guys a sports couch potato like a lot of guys are, she could take him to a game etc..It's got to be all her effort in the beginning, because she's doing it to eventually get what she wants..Inject as much excitement into the relationship without alerting her partner to become suspicious, & when they've had a great day out together, jump on him, & ride him to death!lol..How about if they all go camping, & he has to chop the wood & build the fire etc..Proper Man things!lol..So if there is a chance but they can't communicate with each other, I'd go for tricking him & see how he responded, but i wouldn't cheat on him if she loved him..Same for men trying to spice up their sex life as it is for women, never tell them always try tricking them first.

    47. lostohanababy profile image57
      lostohanababyposted 9 years ago

      That depends on how much you love that person.  Maybe talking more to each other can help.  Maybe there is a misunderstanding blocking his performance.  Work.  Bills.  A lack of interest.  Find out why!    Getting a Divorce is the 'final' and way out for both off you!  Try to work out yor issues between you, first, if you can!

    48. Oztinato profile image75
      Oztinatoposted 9 years ago

      No because you wouldnt have married if you werent sexually compatible. Try more practice at it and you will find a whole brand new level of stimulation.

    49. Christine Ballano profile image61
      Christine Ballanoposted 9 years ago

      With men, if they still stay and cheat it's because they have their cake and et it. With women it's usually the excitement of finding someone who can satisfy her but doesn't want to keep him sometimes. If there is nothing reconcilable why stay together, you can divorce and just be friends. Sometimes marrying ruins the relationship they are in. Once divorced many couples continue to date and have wonderfu sex. Strange isn't it?


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