Does forgiving mean you are then friendly towards that person or situation

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   threekeysposted 8 years ago

   Does forgiving mean you are then friendly towards that person or situation

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   RTalloniposted 8 years ago

   It could, but not always. For instance, the scope and scale of an offense (or offenses) affects how closely connected a victim can be to an offender.  A really good book on the topic comes from Chris Brauns, Unpacking Forgiveness.

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      threekeysposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Sounds like an good read....

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   IvoryTuskposted 8 years ago

   forgiveness is a tool.  It is not something you do once and forget about; rather it is something that we can use at every turn for our own healing and shift in perspective.  Forgiveness does not mean that you are a doormat; rather, that you will not allow previous hurts to continue to poison your bloodstream.  Without forgiveness, our eyes tend to burn with tears of acid while we wrap ourselves in security blankets made of sheet metal.  With forgiveness, we can cushion ourselves with a softer material, and our tears once again become harmless salt.  We still will feel pain; we still will feel the need for safety and solace.  And friendliness is not necessarily a product of the process of forgiveness.  While it is possible to see the other person differently through forgiveness as your own perspective is not as clouded by hate, it can also lead to the absolute loving permission to sever ties with the wrongdoer entirely, and only act in civility with them when absolutely necessary.

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      threekeysposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      ...for our acid tears to fall like harmless droplets of salt....
      
      You have a beautiful way with words ivory tusk.

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      IvoryTuskposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I meant to respond to this, ThreeKeys!  Sorry about that!  You are more than welcome; and I am glad that you have hope.

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   manatita44posted 8 years ago

   The other person has to let you into their lives; to put the wall down. Never forget that as humans we all feel fear, and they are equally dealing with their own inadequacies
   
   Does being a good neighbour mean going next door and shaking  her hand, no! Always be in a state of readiness; cheerfulness; positive prayer, but sadly we sometimes have to do this in private. Either we are not secure enough, or the other isn't.
   
   That said, sometimes an apology or attempt at friendship helps, then this can or may open the door to forgiveness. Forgiveness, like the whole of the Spiritual Life, is an inner journey or state, we need to feel it for our selves; to love ourselves; to love God and then once we are ok inside, then this goodness can flow freely to others. It cannot be done without God's Love.
   
   But yes, we may sometimes have to send out what the Buddhists call mehta (Loving kindness); mercy or compassion through our prayer-life or spiritual pursuit. Prayer eventually reaches all Hearts. Much Love, three keys.
   
   P.S. Beware of self-love. We all wish to be liked and may try very hard, but if the feeling is not reciprocated; then we feel sad. Peace begins when expectation ends.

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      threekeysposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      You are speaking to the better parts of oneself and for that you swing my heart from a unwavering place to a place high in hope....thankyou graciously

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      manatita44posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Infinite Gratitude, Three Keys

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      IvoryTuskposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Your are more than welcome, ThreeKeys!

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   dashingscorpioposted 8 years ago

   
   
   Anger is the Mask that Hurt wears...
   Forgiveness just means you've choosen not to let whatever it is (dwell) on your mind anymore. You are detaching emotion from it.
   It's not a requirement to stay connected with someone.
   When a creditor "forgives a debt" it means they have "written it off".
   Essentially they have given up on trying to collect the debt. Nevertheless it does not mean they are going to turn around and offer you another loan. Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn.
   To forgive and (forget) is to throw away a valuable lesson!

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      threekeysposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Beautiful...
      
      I hear you.....thankyou

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   Cissy1946posted 8 years ago

   Forgiving has more to do with you than the person being forgiven. In my opinion, the person being forgiven doesn't have to be anywhere around or even know you are forgiving them. The act of forgiveness is allowing you to move past whatever evil has been done to you, not to give the offender a free pass to feel good about himself again. Friendly is for the people you choose to allow into your life, civil is fine for everyone else.

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      threekeysposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      It seems the best way ahead is live a life that is much better. Somehow make room for the good. Then, the rawness of the internal abscesses will burst and heal. Fading eventually in the background except the lesson within, never forgotten.

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      manatita44posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, yes, ThreeKeys. I am very proud of you to see this. The whole of life can be answered with Spirituality. Transform your own nature, and things around will most certainly look different. It takes time, patience, Grace ...

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   tamarawilhiteposted 8 years ago

   Biblical forgiveness requires:
   1. They stop committing the wrong.
   2. They make literal amends like paying back what is stolen or face consequences for the misdeed.
   3. It is the victim's right to forgive and let go of anger.
   
   Our society has warped this into "he killed her, he said he's sorry, don't jail him", or too easily rush to say the person having regret at being caught should suffer ONLY that emotion and not consequences.
   
   If someone has been forgiven but keeps doing the wrong, you have no obligation to be friendly or continue to associate with them. They've clearly not reformed.
   If you forgive them to release your anger, that does not mean you have to become friends. You can forgive the guy who broke into your car, but there is no moral or religious requirement to then let him go for a ride or have dinner.
   If you forgive someone a transgression and they've clearly learned from it, you can ignore them and move on.
   If you forgive a friend a transgression or a stranger, you can choose to be friendly or ignore them - your choice.

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      threekeysposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      You suffer and feel a fool. They show no remorse and gain pleasure at your pain. The desire to punish and hold accountable is strong. However I realize I will still be puppetted by this person through my pain, humiliation and shame. To forgive, then.

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   wrenchBiscuitposted 8 years ago

   The concept of forgiveness is primarily a tool of oppression. It has been used effectively by European Colonialists to murder,steal,subdue, and to conquer. The most potent cocktail is created when this concept is combined with religion. Although being forgiving and friendly to an oppressor may be useful in the short run,  it is suicidal  to seriously forgive and forget when the foot of your oppressor is planted firmly on your back.

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