my first article, i need some critisism

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  1. profile image59
    Kevin Kristoferposted 3 years ago

    So I decided about a week ago to try my hand at writing, being as I am extremely opinionated. However my writing skills are way out of practice and I'm not very good at sourcing pictures to use, nor do I have the money to buy stock images. So i could use some advice on that also. My hub doesn't have any pics right now but I would like some feedback on the writing quality if some of you don't mind helping me with that.

    http://kevinkristofer.hubpages.com/hub/ … rn-Society

    1. Koomarko profile image60
      Koomarkoposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Writing Qualities comes from the heart and perseverance, If you have that, I believe you can succeed in a few times.

    2. Millionaire Tips profile image92
      Millionaire Tipsposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with DrMark about breaking up the text into separate capsules.  That makes it easier to add the images, polls, etc.

      The Learning Center has lots of information about how to write hubs.  This one about the use of images will useful to you.

      http://hubpages.com/learningcenter/legal-image-use

    3. TIMETRAVELER2 profile image98
      TIMETRAVELER2posted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Here are my two cents, for what they are worth:

      You lack a clear introduction
      You have some spacing problems where sentences have a wide space on one line before finishing on the next.
      You have not used any capsules or capsule titles
      You need to be more specific:  for example, instead of saying "many philosophers have stated..."you should specifically name each philosopher you want to quote and then paraphrase what he said.

      As for photos...you do not have to buy stock photos.

      You can obtain great free, public domain photos from Pixabay.com and Morguefile.com and then edit them as desired with Picmonkey.com...also free.  Wikimedia Commons also has good photos, but they are a bit trickier to use because they require attribution.  If you check out a few of my hubs, you will see some examples of pix I obtained, edited and am now using.

      You have a good start, but you need to do a better job of organizing your thoughts.

      Remember:

      Introduction
      Body
      Close

  2. DrMark1961 profile image98
    DrMark1961posted 3 years ago

    Hi Kevin I was interested in your subject so went ahead and read the whole thing. Not everyone is going to, even if they find it.
    First, I would reccommend a title change so that people are more likely to find it. How about "Does Slavery Still Exist Today?" or something like that. If someone is looking for an essay on slavery, what is he most likely to type into the search engine? The current title is unlikely to draw many searchers, so do some work on this first.
    Second, your test should be broken up into capsules to make the reading a little easier for most readers. When most people are reading a book, and each page is one paragraph, they may get bored and skip that page entirely. Your hub is a lot like that. Use title capsules like "History of Slavery", "Are We Still Slaves", and "Why Do We Accept Slavery" to get people to read more of your article. (Those are just examples, like the title, but you get the idea.)
    Third, add some relevant images from pixabay or flickr. Both have free creative commons images, just search. If you use pixabay you do not even have to cite the source, but I find a lot more at flickr.
    Fourth, if someone reads this, and feels worked up, encourage them. Ask them to make a comment and tell you how they feel about how we are all slaves. Make a poll and ask people to tell you the most oppressive part of being a slave in this modern life.
    Interesting post, but it still needs some work. Good luck.

    1. profile image59
      Kevin Kristoferposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Wow, thank you. I did not expect so much useful information from a single person.  I see I have a lot to work on.
      I did not think that naming the capsules would make a significant difference but now that you pointed it out, I can see how it is very useful in hubs made by others.

  3. Dolores Monet profile image98
    Dolores Monetposted 3 years ago

    HI Kevin - you can always take your own pictures to illustrate a hub, as long as the images relate to the article. For instance, you could take a picture of chains at your local hardware store. Or a picture of your phone or computer, since these are mentioned. Take a photo of heavy traffic from a bridge as I think you mentioned travel time to work. You could add a video from youtube.

    1. profile image59
      Kevin Kristoferposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Actually I didn't put that much thought into that. I'm don't really see myself as a photographer but I guess I have never seen myself as a writer either.  I think I will give it a shot. Thank you.

 
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