I'd like feedback on my Hub: Electric Dreamscape

Jump to Last Post 1-1 of 1 discussions (14 posts)
  1. aida-garcia profile image73
    aida-garciaposted 2 years ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub Electric Dreamscape. What can I do to improve? Thanks!

    1. theraggededge profile image98
      theraggededgeposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Hi there,

      I apologise in advance for being a bit harsh with my critique but it's the only way I can give you feedback. You've chosen an interesting topic to write about, but there is much for you to work on.

      Your article launches without a proper introduction explaining what it is about. I have never heard of electric dreamscape is, and even after skimming through your piece - I still have no idea.

      An electric dreamscape isn't a 'trait' A trait is a pattern of behaviour or a characteristic.

      Your sentences are too long, lacking punctuation and overly convoluted for a casual reader to understand. Divine is spelled incorrectly. Apostrophes are used incorrectly. Here's an example:

      "Another trait that is very profound is the fact that during a near death experience or out of body experience is the fact that many people experience seeing a devine light in or out of the dreamscape where a supreme being guides you through a series of drama's or leads you somewhere into the light."

      A trait is unlikely to be profound. You say 'is the fact' twice, which is two times too many. That sentence could start after the second 'fact' and, with a comma or two, it would make more sense. Cut out unnecessary words.

      You have a paragraph that begins with "Returning to the relativity question... " The theory of relativity hasn't been mentioned previously, so you can't 'return' to it.

      I think you need to work on your English language and grammar skills. One tip is to read your article out loud - any awkward phrasing will become plain.

      Good luck.

      Edit: I just had a look at your profile and am surprised to see you have 148 hubs, have a BSc from Phoenix, and are a published author.

      1. DasEngel profile image60
        DasEngelposted 2 years agoin reply to this

        Oh come on! These days authors are paid for their ideas. The editors do the most of the boring stuff like grammar, punctuation, presentation etc

        1. theraggededge profile image98
          theraggededgeposted 2 years agoin reply to this

          Ha ha... authors paid for their ideas - funny. You are living in the past. These days authors have to make all their own revisions. Anyway, no editor is going to help a sub-standard hub pass QAP.

          Perhaps, you could offer the OP some suggestions, Das, seeing as you know so much about it?

          1. DasEngel profile image60
            DasEngelposted 2 years agoin reply to this

            I meant to say real publishing, not self-publishing big_smile

            1. theraggededge profile image98
              theraggededgeposted 2 years agoin reply to this

              'Real' publishing too. You think writers have their work done for them? Think again. Go read some writers' blogs. My sister-in-law is an editor of a newspaper. Work is returned to writers for revision if not up to scratch.

              It's possible to use the services of an editor when you are self-publishing but you have to pay for it.

              Ideas are cheap. Writing is hard work.

              1. DasEngel profile image60
                DasEngelposted 2 years agoin reply to this

                Depends on what kind of an editor you have for you wink

                1. DasEngel profile image60
                  DasEngelposted 2 years agoin reply to this

                  big_smile

                  1. theraggededge profile image98
                    theraggededgeposted 2 years agoin reply to this

                    Still no helpful suggestions for the OP?

      2. DrMark1961 profile image98
        DrMark1961posted 2 years agoin reply to this

        Since you are from the UK you may have never heard of Phoenix, so if you are interested you might want to look it up on the internet.

        1. theraggededge profile image98
          theraggededgeposted 2 years agoin reply to this

          Ah... got it.

          By the way, Dr Mark, MableAble's ears have improved enormously. Still have to clean them, but she hardly ever shakes her head these days big_smile

 
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)