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I'd like feedback on my Hub: Maleness and Viciousness

  1. Ae Clane profile image65
    Ae Claneposted 22 months ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub Maleness and Viciousness. What can I do to improve? Thanks!

  2. profile image0
    Megan Sheufeltposted 22 months ago

    My first piece of advice is to try to use fewer commas. There are plenty of other sentence structures and types of punctuation you can utilize. English teachers refer to this problem as 'comma splicing'. Of course, poetry is a much more varied medium, and there isn't really a wrong way to do it. That said, I think your poem could be improved by varying the punctuation.

    Repetition is another technique that can be used to great effect, often to emphasize. I think you need to work on how you use repetition. Your poem gets a little stale, and the repetition doesn't really do anything (for me, at least). Try to get more movement and flow in your poems, instead of just saying the same thing the same way for five stanzas. This repetition might (might) have worked if you were using simple, childlike language. Might. But as it stands, 4/5 of your poem is entirely useless.

    What is really important, for any kind of artist or creator, is to look at other people's work. Try reading some poetry by acclaimed poets. I'd suggest getting an anthology of modern poetry. Here are some poets you might like: Sylvia Plath, Elizabeth Bishop, Anne Sexton, Louise Gluck, Frank O'Hara, Robert Creeley, James Merrill, and Allen Ginsberg.

  3. Ae Clane profile image65
    Ae Claneposted 22 months ago

    Thank you for your reply, Megan.

  4. profile image0
    calculus-geometryposted 22 months ago

    Your hub uses the F-word five times and "sex" five times, but it doesn't have any other dirty words. Needs more variety.  Try adding the other S-word, the C-word, the other C-word, one each of the P-words, and a couple of B-words.  Best of luck on your hub trolling journey.

  5. Ae Clane profile image65
    Ae Claneposted 22 months ago

    Thank you for your reply, calculus - geometry.