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I'd like feedback on my Hub: JonBenet Ramsey Evidence

  1. Molly Hanson profile image85
    Molly Hansonposted 16 months ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub JonBenet Ramsey Evidence (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

    1. lions44 profile image98
      lions44posted 16 months agoin reply to this

      Hi Molly.   It's a list, not a real hub.  Put it in narrative form.   Group the evidence together and use subtitles.   Maybe a subtitle could be "The morning after," or The Night of the Murder."   Let me know if you need more help.

      1. Molly Hanson profile image85
        Molly Hansonposted 16 months agoin reply to this

        Thanks! What about the timeline, should that be made into a narrative as well?

        1. lions44 profile image98
          lions44posted 16 months agoin reply to this

          Yes. The entire thing. You can have an appendix at the end where you put a timeline. But the narrative must the primary driver of the hub.  Anything like a transcript or timeline in its entirety should be treated as source material.

    2. profile image0
      calculus-geometryposted 16 months agoin reply to this

      There are many typos in the article. When you reformat it, proofread it very carefully. And you should spell the girl's name correctly with the accent mark, JonBenét.

      Also, the lengthy transcript of the 911 call and the long ransom note can be found in many places all over the web, so it may not pass as original content.  (People who write hubs quoting larger portions of the Bible face the same issue.)

      This is not necessary for getting it featured, but it would be interesting to include a "Who did it?" reader poll -- Patsy, John, Burke or other.

  2. Marisa Wright profile image98
    Marisa Wrightposted 16 months ago

    You say that you're deliberately providing the facts and not attempting to draw conclusions - unfortunately the result is, as lions44 says, just a list rather than a coherent Hub.

  3. Julie Nou profile image58
    Julie Nouposted 16 months ago

    As mentioned above, the hub is a collection of the chipped up facts.  This makes it very hard to read.   This breaks the number one rule for the hubs: make it easy to read.  Second, you have to distill the evidence to 5% of all that you have presented.  People reading hub like that, only interested in new and fresh information or fresh perspective.  Lastly, if one needs to present the overview of the modern literature, one not needs to teach the reader how to read.

  4. Marisa Wright profile image98
    Marisa Wrightposted 16 months ago

    While Lions44's advice would work in most circumstances, it's completely inappropriate in this case IMO.

    Your objective here is to help people decide who's guilty by presenting them with the facts in a clear manner, right?  The narrative form does not achieve that.   Looking at your Evidence section now, it's impossible to make sense of!   It's much worse than the list.

    There is no problem with having a Hub which is a list, contrary to what Lions44 says. The problem was that it was just a straight list of facts that are available all over the net - you need to "add value".  For many subjects that would mean amplifying on the facts and making it a narrative - but in this case, it would be far more effective to organise the LIST of evidence into sections, e.g. Evidence against x, evidence against y, evidence suggesting an intruder, etc.  That way you are actually doing what you set out to do, helping people understand the evidence and how it stacks up.

    The "Police mistakes" section does work as a narrative and I'd keep it that way, but you need to organise it into two or three sensible paragraphs.  Same with the Autopsy results - split it into paragraphs with sub-headings, e.g. "Sexual Assault", "Last Meal" etc.

    I'm viewing the Hub on my desktop and because you've got photos running all the way down the side of the Evidence section, the text looks far too squashed and is uncomfortable to read.   Split the photos up and put one between each text capsule, full width. 

    If you're going to include an Amazon product, then you MUST also write a couple of sentences explaining why you recommend that particular book or product.  Otherwise it won't be allowed.