I'd like feedback on my Hub: Deliverance From Water Spirit

1. 60

   deliveryourselfposted 6 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub Deliverance From Water Spirit (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

   replyreport
2. 0

   pen promulgatesposted 6 years ago

   Hi, it's an interesting article, but has many errors.
   
   I believe sentence construction is the issue. There are some punctuation errors too.
   
   The starting is vague. Change it please. It says, 'Wow! That was a debate.' the line is confusing as to what was the debate. It sounds like 'wow' was the debate. You can remove the words 'such a way' as it's not needed.
   
   In the second paragraph, it says:
   'Water is life. Historically, In Genesis chapter 6:5ff, when the first generations of human being became wicked and barbaric God decided their fate which was destruction by flood'
   Remove 'when' there should be a comma after barbaric, add 'so' before 'God decided.'
   Or you can change the sentence to a more a understandable one.
   
   In the 4th paragraph, is it 'shew men' or showed men?
   
   In the next paragraph 'The mysteries therefore is this. Flood is a divine prison..' sounds like an incomplete sentence.
   In the sentence, 'Although, sons and daughters of men who sins with them perished with them.' I believe the verb 'to sin' must be in the past form (sinned)
   
   'These immortal spirits are in the seas and oceans dominate and flooding in their restriction.' - incorrect sentence.
   These immortal spirits are in the seas and oceans dominate and flood them in their restriction. Sounds better. In fact substitute the verb ' flood' with a more suitable one. (you can use verbs trap or stop perhaps)
   
   In other paragraphs too there are errors.
   For example: 'If you have been a victim of marine spirit, spirit husband, spirit wives and strange children I recommend that you will read the book.' you start with an if clause in the present tense, continue with present tense only. so 'I recommend you read the book' is better as it needs to be in the subjunctive mood.
   Sentence construction needs changing. Try apps like Grammarly or hemingway.
   Hope these helps. Good luck.

   replyreport
   1. 60

      deliveryourselfposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I am very greatful.
      You did a wonderful analysis.
      I must admit there are indeed lots of blunder. I will edit it at once. Thank you

      replyreport
3. 90

   chasmacposted 6 years ago

   Self promotion is not allowed on HubPages. You need to remove the Amazon link to your own book and any mention of it in the text. If your main purpose is to inform, then remove the self promotion and follow pen promulgates good advice. If the main purpose of your Hub is to sell your book, then you need to find somewhere else to do it.

   replyreport
   1. 60

      deliveryourselfposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Okay. Thank you. I want to recommend it for further reading as it has more revelation on the topic.
      Can I google for related book and use it instead?

      replyreport
      1. 90

         chasmacposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         Yes, but the rule nowadays on HubPages is that you should only include an Amazon link to a product that is relevant and that you have personal experience of.

         replyreport
         1. 60

            deliveryourselfposted 6 years agoin reply to this

            Okay thank you

            replyreport