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I'd like feedback on my article: Why students with higher academic performances.

  1. Jack Zhuo profile image60
    Jack Zhuoposted 12 days ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I have to admit that my English (AS MT SECOND LANGUAGE) writing skills have lots of problems. I did not pass QAP four times. I hope you guys can give me some instructions to help me improving my foreign language writing skills.

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article Why students with higher academic performances are more sexually attractive in middle/high school than in universities? (must be signed in to view).

    What can I do to improve?


    1. theraggededge profile image99
      theraggededgeposted 12 days agoin reply to this

      I don't think you will get this approved even if your language skills were good enough. You are writing about sex and children who are under the age of consent in many countries. You have it categorised under education/elementary and middle school. Not a good idea.

    2. TIMETRAVELER2 profile image100
      TIMETRAVELER2posted 12 days agoin reply to this

      If you know your English skills are poor, why are you trying to write articles on an English speaking site?  You need to go back to school, take some ESOL classes and then move to an English speaking country for a year or two so that you can immerse yourself in the language.  THEN you can come back to write articles here!

    3. poppyr profile image100
      poppyrposted 11 days agoin reply to this

      You should start by changing the title to "sexually ACTIVE," not sexually "ATTRACTIVE." Similar words with very different meanings. Right now it looks like you think children are sexy, which I'm sure isn't your intention.

      The other problems have already been said by others so I'm not going to repeat them. Fix the title, and make it shorter as well. It's the first thing readers see, after all.

  2. Marisa Wright profile image98
    Marisa Wrightposted 12 days ago

    You're aware that your English isn't up to standard.  Unfortunately there are errors in almost every sentence.  It's not reasonable to expect us to fix all that for you free of charge.

    You would need to hire someone to rewrite it for you.  I don't believe it would be worth the price, though.  As Raggededge says, HubPages will never approve an article which is talking about sex between under-age individuals, even if it is academic research.

  3. FatFreddysCat profile image98
    FatFreddysCatposted 12 days ago

    I couldn't even get past that awkward-as-hell (and somewhat disturbing) title. Sorry.

    1. DrMark1961 profile image100
      DrMark1961posted 11 days agoin reply to this

      The "authors" are a bunch of high school students, probably nerds trying to convince others that smart guys do best in high school. Yeah, right.

      1. FatFreddysCat profile image98
        FatFreddysCatposted 11 days agoin reply to this


  4. TessSchlesinger profile image96
    TessSchlesingerposted 11 days ago

    If your writing isn't up to publication standard, then you shouldn't be writing. I'm not quite sure why you want to write.

  5. Jack Zhuo profile image60
    Jack Zhuoposted 11 days ago

    Thank you for replying me!

    Yes, I really need to move to some English-Speaking countries to improve my language.   

    Clearly I am not qualified to write articles, not to mention publishing them on Hub. I have practiced my English for three years, hoping that I can have a opportunity to really write an English article about topic I am interesting in.

    But what I did not realize is that I extremely overestimated my writing skills or research methods.

    The truth is, at first, we were just writing those “childish” research reports. But one day, I thought, maybe we could publish it on Internet to get some comments or feedbacks about what I am doing. I knew my articles are not good enough for this, but I wanted to give it a shot, to take challenges.

    As JFK says, we choose to go to the moon not because it is easy but because it is hard.

    Some ask me why I choose to write it and publish it.

    Here is the reason---this will serve to measure the best of my skills.

    Unfortunately, I am not good enough. But it will not discourage me, because this is the way that helps me understanding what my shortcomings are.

    Again, thank you for straightly pointing out my shortcomings, which is all I need.

    1. Marisa Wright profile image98
      Marisa Wrightposted 11 days agoin reply to this

      Three years is no time at all to be learning a language.  I studied French for 12 years and worked in France for a time, but I would not dare write articles in French.   Writing for publication is a completely different thing.

    2. theraggededge profile image99
      theraggededgeposted 11 days agoin reply to this

      My problem wasn't with your writing skills - the article could be edited - it was the subject matter you chose to write about that was disturbing. You haven't told us why you thought it was an appropriate topic.

      1. DrMark1961 profile image100
        DrMark1961posted 11 days agoin reply to this

        Have you read his profile page? He is a high school student. He probably thought is was appropriate.

  6. Austin Hackney profile image89
    Austin Hackneyposted 11 days ago