I'd like feedback on my Hub: Working harder makes you smarter

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   mummymathsposted 8 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub Working harder makes you smarter (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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      calculus-geometryposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I didn't see any issues with the writing or inappropriate links (the usual culprits when hubs are unfeatured) but the image of the brain flower is very low-contrast and low-resolution.  HP does consider image quality in its quality assessment process.  I would remove it or replace it with a better image.  Best of luck.

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         mummymathsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks. I keep adding and removing things from this but it never gets published?!

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            SheilaMilneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

            Maybe shorter paragraphs with some diagrams/ illustrations to break things up. It makes it easier to read on a screen, especially on a mobile.

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2. 72

   AF CHIEFposted 8 years ago

   I sincerely ask is English your first language?  From reading this article I do not believe it is.  There are numerous grammar issues throughout here are a few:
   "whilst"
   referring to your 2 boys as your "son" instead of sons
   "maths" should just be math (repeatedly used)
   "8 pupil"  should be pupils
   The use of the word "pupil" is a put off, try students and maybe children, mix it up.  To me this quickly flagged the author as a English being a second language.
   "you know miss I thought you was wrong",  was is incorrect in this context
   I'll stop here, I'm not trying to be mean or anything like that but rather give you my honest opinion.  English is a complicated language.  I would recommend that you take a written English class and read articles with the intent of studying the sentence structure.
   
   Good luck and keep trying, remember the harder you work to learn English the easier it will become to write acceptable hubs.

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      calculus-geometryposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      "Whilst" is perfectly acceptable British English.  "Maths" is also the British English abbreviation of "mathematics." 
      
      edited to add: You can see from her profile that she is from Solihull, which is a place in England. There are loads of British writers here and HP doesn't care if they write in British English even though HP is based in the US.

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         mummymathsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you

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            AF CHIEFposted 8 years agoin reply to this

            I sincerely meant no harm but was relaying my thoughts and I read it from my American English perspective which is what I assumed the Hubpage moderators would do.  I guess the difference between the British and American English grammar would be enough to turned me off from the article based on the things I mention previously.  Obviously I was wrong and apologize for any anguish I may have caused.  I certainly know my written or spoken English is not text book perfect.

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   2. 82

      theraggededgeposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Every point you raised is incorrect.
      
      'Whilst' is perfectly correct.
      True,  the sentence "I have a 12 year old and a 14 year old son..." is clunky but it's not wrong.
      'Maths' is the correct abbreviation of 'mathematics' in British English.
      The writer is referring to 'A Year 8 pupil' not to 8 pupils. In other words the student is in Year 8. So, again, she is correct.
      "you know miss I thought you was wrong,"  is reported speech. It is what the child said. So correct.
      
      While there are a couple of corrections required, for example, the title should be in title case, it certainly is not an example of poor English.
      
      Apart from the points you picked out, which are immaterial, I am at a loss why you drew the conclusion that the writer uses English as a second language.

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         mummymathsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you for your comments and support.

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   3. 60

      mummymathsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      While.
      
      Synonyms
      although, even if, even though, in spite of the fact that, despite the fact that, notwithstanding the fact that, notwithstanding that, for all that, while, whilst, granted that, even supposing, despite the possibility that, albeit, however, yet, but
      
      In my future hubs I will endeavour to use more synonyms in my writing.
      
      I take your thoughts into consideration but I think I should bring to your attention the word Maths which is an abbreviation of the word Mathematics which is a plural noun, since it reflects the many aspects of the skills used within the subject.
      In the UK we teach pupils, I think that it is evident from my writing I am a Maths teacher and hence the style of writing which I felt should be less formal.
      I am new to writing but so far 6 of my 8 hubs have been featured.

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         Jayne Lancerposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Even your user name is wrong. It should read "mommymath".

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            calculus-geometryposted 8 years agoin reply to this

            He probably read it as an Egyptian mummy.

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         Marisa Wrightposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         The person who criticised your spelling is American and obviously has no idea that people in other parts of the world spell things differently.  Just ignore them - as others have said, there is nothing wrong with your English!!
         
         I was born in Britain and live in Australia so my English is probably even more "mangled" by his standards, and it hasn't stopped me being successful on HubPages, so don't worry!
         
         I am flummoxed why this Hub wouldn't be Featured.  Usually if this happens, it's because the Hub has broken some kind of rule.  I can see lots of ways the Hub could be tweaked to improve its traffic, but that's a different thing. 
         
         The main thing I would do, which might make a difference, is to move that photo up to the top of the Hub, either before the first paragraph or immediately after it, and give it a caption (e.g. "Teaching children maths with everyday objects can help them engage and understand").
         
         I would also give more thought to the title.  We all grew up being told we should use catchy titles, but you have to forget that when you're writing for the internet.  Online, your title needs to tell the reader what the Hub is about. So the way to find your title is to ask yourself, why would a reader want to read this article?  What are they looking for, that this article can help them with?  If the answer is "How to Help Your Children With Maths", then that's your title no matter how boring it sounds.  Or maybe it's "How to Make Maths Fun".  You get the picture I'm sure.
         
         Oh, and do notice that titles need to be In Title Case!

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3. 78

   Rupert Taylorposted 8 years ago

   In Britain it's spelt Mummy, the way it's pronounced, not Mommy, the way it isn't pronounced.

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      Jayne Lancerposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I was joking, Rupert. I'm British myself, although I manage to use American English for my hubs.

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   psycheskinnerposted 8 years ago

   Other than the title not being in title case, it looks fine to me.  I agree very much with the thesis.

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